Bullet(22)

I can’t describe the look that came over his face. It was one of shock and triumph, but that passionate animalistic look in his eyes was still there. “Seriously?”

“Doesn’t it feel that way to you?”

He let out a small laugh. “Jesus. You kidding? I’m always ready for sex. Doesn’t take much.”

I started giggling. Had I awakened a monster? “I…uh…just wanted to make that clear.”

His hand stroked my cheek. “I promise I would make you feel better than you ever have before.”

My breath caught in my throat. After the way he had kissed me, I had no doubt that he could make me feel like the woman I was becoming. I lowered my head and closed my eyes. “I know you would. But I’m just…not in the right place.” I didn’t want to tell him about the silly rigid moral code I was living under.

I felt his hand on my chin, urging me to look at him. “It’s Ethan, isn’t it?”

What the hell was I supposed to say? I’d observed many a time that everyone but Ethan was able to see how I felt about the guy. So now I was considering lying to Zane just to be nice, but then I would be insulting his intelligence. No…instead, I was going to skirt the question. But to do that, I’d have to be completely honest about myself. “That’s not it, Zane. It’s…” I took a deep breath. “A long time ago, I vowed to myself that I would never have sex with someone I didn’t love. I came from a pretty religious family, and we would watch TV shows where characters would just have sex because they were attracted to each other, but there was no emotional connection. So my parents stressed that sex is a beautiful thing, but it should be with someone you love.” I put my hand on his. “I do care very much about you, Zane. I consider you my friend and, I think, with time, we could become even better friends. And who knows? Maybe those feelings would grow. But right now…I only consider you my friend. Please don’t take that wrong.”

He didn’t look angry, hurt, or upset, but I did see something register with him. “Oh, God. You’re a virgin, aren’t you?”

Was it that obvious? I’d been as honest as I could bring myself to be up to this point. I wasn’t going to lie now. I felt my cheeks grow pink. “Yeah.”

He pulled me into a hug and just held me close. After a while, he said, “Then I’m glad we didn’t. Losing your virginity in a tiny bed in a dorm room with paper-thin walls and the chance that the roommate could show up at any second wouldn’t be something you’d want to look back on and remember as your first time.”

I giggled. “Probably not.”

He pulled my face up gently with his hands so I could look him in the eye. “You ever decide your feelings are enough that I’m the man, I promise I will treat you right.”

Oh. That knocked the wind out of me. I’d never expected Zane to be so chivalrous, and yet he was above and beyond. It was lame, but I said, “Thanks.” And he kissed me again, but this time it was sweet and without his tongue.

“So…you wanna hang and watch a little TV?”

I was getting the weird vibe that maybe Zane wanted to pursue an actual relationship with me. I would need to think about it. I wasn’t completely against it, but I wasn’t sure if I was ready. I still had the stupid Ethan hang up, and I’d need to dump it before I could fully give myself to someone else. That much I knew. Still…Zane was a nice guy and I respected him. He was sweet and considerate, and he seemed to genuinely care. “I’d like to, but I’m really tired. I should go.”

“You wanna take your Squirt with you?”

I laughed. “Maybe.”

He kissed me again, this time with less passion, but it was slow and sweet. The door to his room slammed open and made me jump.

Yeah, it was Ethan.

I sat up straighter, realizing in that moment that the zipper on the back of my dress was still gaping open, but there was nothing else amiss. My hair was probably a little out of place, but nothing crazy. “Uh…if I’m interrupting something—”

Of course, he was interrupting something, and he knew it. But Zane, ever gentlemanly, said, “Nope. We were just getting ready to walk back to her dorm room.” He stood up and slipped his jacket on, then offered his hand to me. I took it and stood up while he picked up my coat so I could slide my arms in. It would have been so easy for him to make a production out of zipping my dress up, but he didn’t. He was calm and matter of fact. “Let’s get you home.”

“Night, Ethan,” I said.

He said good night back, but there was something in his eyes…and I hoped Zane wasn’t looking, because it wasn’t a look he was meant to see. It was only for me.





Chapter Ten



THE NEXT WEEK, Zane’s affections cooled. I wasn’t sure why, and I wasn’t necessarily against it, but I didn’t understand it. So, one of the times he would have normally met me to walk back to the dorms after class, I went down the hall where his class was and waited for the students to get out. When he saw me, he said, “Oh, hey, Val.”

“Can I talk to you for a minute?”

He acted like he was going to blow me off but then he said, “Yeah, okay…we can talk.”

It wasn’t going to become any more comfortable. We just had to talk it out. So I said, “What’s going on?”

He shrugged as he walked beside me. “Look, Val. I really like you, and I know you like me back, but let’s be honest here. I had the entire weekend to think about it, and…as long as you harbor feelings for Ethan, I won’t stand an ice cube’s chance in hell.” I didn’t say anything. “Am I right?”

Yeah, he probably was. But I’d been willing to give it a shot. I respected Zane enough for that. The idea made me sad, but I wanted to be up front with him. “I don’t know. I guess.”

He stopped walking, and we stood under a tree with bare branches overhanging the sidewalk. The sun was trying to shine through the clouds that were making their lazy way across the sky. He brushed my cheek with his thumb and held the side of my face. “You’re a sweet girl, Val. You’ll make someone happy someday. If you decide I’m that guy down the road, great. But I don’t want to spend my time competing with some idealized version of Ethan in your head.” Did I look as pained as I was starting to feel? I must have been because he pulled me into his arms. “I don’t want to hurt your feelings, Val, but do you understand where I’m coming from?”

My voice was quiet. “I guess.”

“Am I just imagining it? Do you have feelings for Ethan, or am I just reading way too much into it?”

No…he was right. Absolutely right. And I understood where he was coming from. He didn’t want to play second fiddle, nor should he have to. Zane was a good guy, and any girl who snagged him would be damn lucky. Just the way he’d treated me during our short time together told me he’d be a find. But he was right. If Ethan so much as snapped his fingers, I would forget Zane in a heartbeat. And that wouldn’t be fair to him. I shook my head. “I don’t think you’re reading too much into it.” I wasn’t going to break his heart further and talk about those feelings, and I wasn’t going to lie.

He let go of me and held out his hand. “Then friends?”

God, he was being so cool about the whole thing, and I wondered in the back of my mind if he and Ethan had had a similar conversation. I shook his hand as well. “Yeah. Friends.”

We continued walking back to the dorms. “Maybe it’s too soon, but…is your roommate seeing anyone?”

“Jennifer? I don’t think so. She went with a guy to the dance, though, so maybe.”

He nodded and we continued walking. “No biggie. Just figured I’d ask.”

And somehow, Zane and I made it through that awkward phase to become solid friends. Ethan, though…after expressing newfound interest in me at the dance, he was nowhere to be found. Zane and I wound up eating meals alone, sometimes with Jennifer, other times without, but Ethan often had reasons not to be there. Cold again.

That Thursday at dinner, Jennifer, Zane, and I sat at a table, and I noticed Zane was starting to get friendlier with her. I was okay with that. He wanted a relationship, and I wanted him to be happy, so I didn’t intend to stand in the way. Jennifer seemed distracted, though. Halfway through our meal, she said, “Val, I can’t stand it anymore. I have to tell you something.”

I set down my fork. The girl was really upset, and that’s when I noticed she hadn’t really eaten much. “What?”

“You know Charlotte?”

I almost started laughing. “As in the roommate from hell?”

“Yeah.”

I nodded. She said, “I saw her walking in the library with Ethan, and they were holding hands.”