Bullet(21)

He grinned. “No. Guess not.”

“You and…that girl look nice too.” I wasn’t sure I meant it, but I needed to be polite.

We were quiet for a few moments, and I rested my head against his shoulder. Then he said, “Mercy.”

“What?”

“Mercy. Her name’s Mercy.”

“Your date?”

“Yeah.” I was painfully aware of his hands shifting position on my back. Then he moved them up farther, pressing me closer, and I felt like I could barely breathe, simply because I was so nervous. I felt his breath against my ear, and he said, “I’m glad you’re my friend, Valerie.”

I wasn’t quite sure what to say. Did he even mean it? Or did he mean something else entirely? I just said, “I am too,” but there was no way I was going to look at him. I felt his lips against my neck. Was I imagining that? The fingers of my right hand tensed against his neck so that my nails were pressing into the flesh, and I was tempted…so tempted to look at him. I knew if I did…

But then I heard Zane asking to cut in. Ethan let go, and I could tell he was reluctant. “See you later, Val.” But it was for the best.

* * *

Zane was still laughing as we walked up to his dorm room. The DJ had waited longer than five minutes to play the Kid Rock song, but he’d done it as he’d promised. I played it off, feeling more like my old self again. Zane thought it was hilarious seeing how some of the more prim girls reacted, although there were plenty of other girls (and guys) who loved the song choice. And I was glad he didn’t take it as a signal that I wanted to be f*cked, to use the Kid’s word.

He’d wanted to take me somewhere for a soda afterward, but all the on-campus places were closed. I told him that was fine, that I’d had a good time. But then he told me he had a variety of sodas in the little fridge in his room, and he’d been told on good authority that I liked Diet Dr. Pepper and Diet Squirt. “Is that true?”

I grinned as we left the student center. “Is it true you have some?”

“Guess you’ll just have to find out.”

He unlocked the door to his room and turned on the light, then motioned me in. “Hey, thanks for comin’ with me to the dance.”

“Yeah. Thanks for inviting me. I had fun.”

The little refrigerator sat between the two twin beds in the room, and he walked over to it and squatted. He pulled out some cans and said, “Diet Dr. Pepper. Diet Squirt. And a little somethin’ else if you feel like it.” He pulled out a two-liter bottle of Sprite.

I walked closer and giggled. “Oh, yeah. When I’m feeling edgy, I down the regular Sprite. That’s so hardcore.”

He laughed and stood, then unscrewed the lid. He held it in front of my nose, and the smell hit me right away. It was liquor, and when I looked again, the liquid in the bottle clung to the sides longer than water as it moved, one of those telltale signs, and it certainly wasn’t carbonated. “Vodka.”

I nodded. “Oh. Well…I think I’ll stick with Squirt for now if that’s okay with you.”

He shrugged. “Suit yourself.” He took a swig from the bottle and then put the lid back on. “But if it’s okay with you, I’m gonna take this damn tie off. Enough already.” He had it off in no time and then he said, “Why don’t you take off your coat?”

“I’m a little cold from the walk.”

He sat on the side of the bed. “Then come here and I’ll warm you up.” He pulled his suit jacket off and draped it on the bed.

I took in a slow deep breath. This was a moment of truth. I’d been pushing my earlier encounter with Ethan to the back of my mind ever since it had happened. Why had he felt the need to confuse me so much? It was unfair, unfair to both me and Zane.

Well, I decided, Ethan had had plenty of chances, and putting the moves on me when I was out on a date with someone else—when we were both on dates with other people—was completely uncool. And for all I knew, nothing between us would ever happen. Zane was sweet and good looking, and I wasn’t going to spurn him for a last minute promise that might lead to nothing. So I walked over to the bed and sat next to him.

God, that cologne still smelled good. It wasn’t too strong, but it was so…woody, earthy, yummy. “Did you want your pop?” I shook my head. I wasn’t ready for a cold drink yet. “You still haven’t taken your coat off.”

I smiled slightly, feeling awkward now, but I shrugged the coat off my shoulders. He helped me slide it off the rest of the way, but his lips were on my shoulder beside the dress strap before I even took the coat the rest of the way off my arms, and it just fell to the bed.

I sucked in a breath involuntarily. I hadn’t expected my response to be as rapid as it was. I’d been suffering from rigid nipples thanks to the cold anyway, but this time I felt them responding to the touch of his lips. This was dangerous. I could tell that just from one touch of his warm lips. And then his hands were around my waist, and he continued kissing a trail up my neck until he reached my lips and I gladly, almost desperately, took him in. Oh, holy f*cking shit. Wow. I had never been kissed like that before. The last kiss I’d had was from a guy who’d been wearing braces and was a little sloppy, for starters. Zane, though…well, his mouth tasted like vodka, and that wasn’t bad. I hadn’t been expecting it, but I was okay with it. And he was tentative at first, as though teasing me, and then he full on assaulted me with his tongue. He was in command, damn it, and I was his. That tongue of his stroked me and played with me, and my mind wondered how that would feel everywhere else.

I could hardly keep up, and I was breathless. I had wound the fingers of my right hand in his soft hair, while my other hand curled around his warm neck. And I was so into the sensations he was stirring in my mouth that it took a little bit for me to register that his hands had moved up from the small of my back to the middle, and he was tugging at the zipper.

But that pulled me out of it and back to the present. “Wait, Zane.”

“Hmm?”

“I…uh, I’m not ready for that yet.”

I shouldn’t have worded it that way, because he nodded, stopped unzipping my dress, and began kissing my neck again. But as my eyes closed, enjoying his lips back on my neck, I registered the look in his eyes. God…his eyes had been dark and sleepy looking, sexy. And another wow moment. He somehow knew all the right spots to kiss on my neck and throat, because I was feeling like I never had before…never. He eased me back on the bed until he was on top of me, but he wasn’t trying to unzip my dress anymore. Still…my body was reacting in a way that it never had to a kiss before, and I knew…I just knew if I didn’t stop now, I’d likely do something I’d regret, especially since his hand that had been holding me on the hip was inching upwards.

It was in that moment that I sensed a deep well of passion residing within me, something I had little control of and something that could easily take control of me if I wasn’t careful. Again, too, my background, my naïveté…I wasn’t emotionally ready for sex, especially with someone I didn’t love. Lust? Hell, yeah. Zane had it all over most other guys on campus. But I’d promised to myself a long time before this moment that I wouldn’t have sex with someone I didn’t love.

I must have been pressing against his chest or maybe I was squirming. Maybe I’d stopped responding to his kiss as my brain battled with my loins. But he knew something was up. “What’s wrong, Val? You okay?”

I took a deep breath and tried to sit up. He had to first because half his body was on me, and he did. He looked concerned. I said, “This is getting, uh…pretty hot.”

A small smile crossed his face, but those eyes—they were still dark and steamy. “I know. Don’t you like it?”

I couldn’t help but smile back, but this was serious and I wanted his attention. “That’s the problem. I do.”

“So how’s that a problem?” His voice was gravelly, and one of his hands continued to roam my back, much like a runner continuing to jog in place at a red light not wanting to lose his level of intensity—he didn’t want to lose the point of passion we’d already hit. But I was getting ready to pour a bucket of water all over us.

“I need to be straight with you, Zane.” God, it was hard looking in his eyes, but I had to. “I can’t have sex with you.”

His brows furrowed, but he acted like my words weren’t still fully registering with him through the haze. Still, he was trying to be classy. “Who said anything about sex?”

I felt my mouth open, but there were no words. I hadn’t expected him to say that. “Oh.”

“Why don’t we just see where this leads?”

I would have smiled if it hadn’t been so serious for me. “That’s what I’m talking about, Zane. That is where this is leading.”