Bullet(17)

Hmm…could it be? “Her name didn’t happen to be Charlotte, did it?” Jennifer’s blue eyes opened wide. “Charlotte Edwards?”

“How did you know?”

“I was her first roommate. I doubt the problems you were having were your fault.”

Her pale face lit up as she flashed a smile of gleaming white teeth. “You don’t know how good that makes me feel.” Well, that explained her hesitation to trust me at first. She stood up and started arranging clothes in one of the drawers I thought she’d already been done working on. What had seemed like initial shyness now became a light-hearted openness. I could see that maybe I had won a friend, and it would be nice to have a female friend. I’d been missing them.

* * *

“I’ve got it,” I told Jennifer as I crossed our small dorm room to answer the door. I was going to have to get used to having a roommate, so I wanted to let her know I could get the door instead of just pushing her aside to get there.

When I opened the door, Ethan stood there, and at that moment, I thought he was the reason for the saying a sight for sore eyes, because that he was. He looked better than I’d remembered from a month ago. His hair was a little longer, and he was growing a goatee. His sleepy eyes took me in and he said, “There’s our woman.” Unable to hold myself back, I threw my arms around him in an affectionate hug.

“I missed you, Ethan.” He laughed as he and Zane came into the room. “Guys, this is my new roommate, Jennifer Manders.” The young woman nodded out of politeness, her short blonde hair bobbing with the motion. She had a shy smile on her face. “Jennifer, these are two of my very good friends, Ethan Richards and Zane Carson.”

She waved her hand near her hip as though trying not to draw too much attention to herself. “Nice to meet you.”

Zane said, “We gonna eat or what? I’m f*ckin’ starving.” Apparently, he felt the need to let my new roommate know right off the bat that he liked strong language and wasn’t afraid to use it. I had to give her credit. She didn’t even flinch.

Ethan furrowed one brow. “Jesus, man. We just got here.”

“We can talk on the way, standing in line, sitting down and eating, right? Am I missing something here?”

“Jennifer, would you like to eat dinner with us? We’re just heading over to the cafeteria.”

She smiled. “Sure.”

So, on our way to eat, Ethan talked nonstop. They’d worked on three fantastic songs over break, he said, and he wanted me to hear them sometime that week. He’d burned them to a CD and wanted me to check them out soon.

We were in line at the cafeteria when I asked, “So when are you guys gonna throw some videos up on YouTube?”

Jennifer spoke up. “Wait…so you guys have a band?” Zane smiled and nodded. “What do you guys play?”

Zane threw up the metal devil’s horn sign on both his hands. “Heavy metal, baby!” He stuck his tongue out and rolled his eyes back in his head, making an agh sound. If Jennifer wasn’t scared off by that, nothing would freak her out. That was good.

We got caught up in ordering our food, and then we went out into the dining area carrying our trays. We split up, getting drinks and salads and other accompaniments to our meal. We all met up at a booth near a back corner. Ethan sat next to Zane, and Jennifer sat beside me. It seemed that Zane made a special effort to sit directly across from me. Why I felt that way, I didn’t know, and then I realized it was likely my wild, active imagination working overtime again.

Ethan asked, “How was your Christmas, Val?” He was the one I wanted to talk to. He took a big bite out of his burger, waiting for my answer.

“It was okay.” I didn’t want to start my whine-fest again. I wanted our meal to be light and happy because, after all, that was the way I was feeling. I was lighthearted, being under the gaze of my friend whom I against wanted as my boyfriend. “How was yours?”

Ethan’s eyes moved back and forth, taking mine in. “Come on, Val. I heard you were a little down in the dumps. You can tell Uncle Ethan.”

I started laughing. He’d made me feel better already. “Later, Uncle Ethan.” I wouldn’t mind telling him everything if we could just be alone for a while.

“A bad sign, a very bad sign. The patient seems reluctant to speak about the past. I must make a note of that and, I’m afraid, I’ll have to recommend shock therapy.”

In spite of the subject matter, Ethan continued to make me giggle. “Fine. If you really must know right this minute, when I went home, I felt like my old best friend and I have grown apart. That’s all.”

Ethan lost his jokey manner and sobered up. His voice was tender, and it was as though the other two in our party no longer existed, even though Ethan and I were at a diagonal. “Sure that’s all?”

Well, yeah…aside from feeling a little lovesick, but no way were those words coming out of my mouth. “Does there need to be more?”

He smiled again. “Let’s catch up later talking about Christmas break, okay? Just me and you.” My breath caught in my throat. Maybe finally we could tell each other how we felt…if indeed he felt the same way about me that I did him. I nodded my head. “Promise?”

I smiled back. “I promise.”

At that second, all the noise and rambunctiousness of the cafeteria returned, and Ethan brought Zane and Jennifer back into the conversation. He started talking about an action/ adventure film he’d seen over the break and proceeded to tell about it in excruciating detail. I enjoyed watching his animated self entertaining me and our friends.

After dinner, though, we found ourselves alone. Zane and Jennifer headed back to the dorms, while Ethan and I decided to take a walk around campus. I felt a tiny surge of adrenaline find its way into my veins. Tonight could be our night. But I needed to quit being stupid about it. What if he really did want me as just a friend…forever? If that was the case, I needed to stop dreaming that it could ever lead to something else.

Once the other two were out of earshot and we were alone on a darkened path heading in the vague direction of the gigantic gymnasium, Ethan said, “What’s buggin’ you, kiddo? Zane told me what you told him, but is something else the matter?”

What could I say, aside from the secret desires I felt from him that I didn’t want to confess? No…those words had to stay as cold as the snow that was starting to fall on the sidewalk in front of us. “Jill doesn’t confide in me like she used to. We used to tell each other everything, but it felt like there was this huge fence between us, you know? I guess…she has other friends now.”

He shrugged, jamming his hands in his jeans pockets. “Sure, but so do you.”

“Yes, but—well, I never thought our friendship would change. We’ve been friends since grade school. But…that’s not what’s bothering me.” He looked over at me from the sidewalk. “I think there’s something she’s not telling me.”

“Like what?” We stopped walking, and he turned to face me.

He’d asked just the right questions, and there was no stopping the onslaught of words now. “I don’t even like to think about it.” I bit my lip, but I guessed I was going to charge full speed ahead. “She’s had this boyfriend for a couple of years. She didn’t say it, and I didn’t ask, but…I think she might be pregnant.”

Without saying a word, he laid his hand on my neck and brought my head to his shoulder. Oh, God…where the hell were all these tears coming from? And how had he known I’d needed to do that? And the words just kept coming. “I thought before that if she ever had a problem, she could come to me with it. It hurts me that she didn’t.” I sobbed and wiped my eyes with my hand. It was too damn cold to be doing this outside. I reached inside my coat pocket and grabbed my gloves to slide them on.

He kissed my cheek. Oh…it would have been so easy for me to just turn my head and make my lips meet his, but I froze. I was paralyzed. He looked me in the eyes. “Feel better now?”

I just nodded and Ethan grabbed my hand to lead me back toward the dorms. The bitter cold lashed at my wet face. His hand was firm around mine and gave me comfort. My voice was quieter than I’d expected when I said, “Thanks for listening.”

He squeezed my hand. “What are friends for?”

The snow was falling harder now and Ethan released my hand, instead wrapping his arm around my waist. I rested my head against his shoulder and didn’t care how much snow fell on my face. Ethan’s next words were unexpected. “I think Brad likes you.”

Wow. That was weird. And I knew Brad liked me…a lot. But no way would I say that. “Why?”

“Oh…just the way he looked at you and the way he couldn’t shut the f*ck up about you over break.” Had he seen my close encounter with Brad that last night I’d been there? I’d been convinced he had, but now I wasn’t so sure. Still…