Bullet(27)

One evening in early April, Ethan and Zane met me at the cafeteria for dinner. They were both more excited than usual. “What gives?” I asked.

Ethan sported a cocky grin. “My man Brad has been busy.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. He has us booked for a few shows this summer.”

“Really?”

“Yep.”

Zane grinned. “But you haven’t heard the best part yet.” He nudged Ethan. “Go on. Tell her.”

“What?”

“He booked us a gig here at The Cave.”

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah. In two weeks.”

“Terrific!”

It was great news, but then Ethan went on to inform me that it meant, aside from studying, all his and Zane’s free time would be spent practicing. I asked what the other guys on the floor of his dorm would think. “We’ll have to do most of our practicing unplugged or turned down low, but I’ll be damned if I’m gonna play a show and sound like shit just ‘cause I wasn’t prepared.”

“Understood.” And I did…mostly. The next weekend, he and Zane drove home to practice, and I was lucky the week after to even see them for meals. That Wednesday night, though, Zane came with me to dinner and Jennifer skipped, so it was just the two of us.

Zane and I sat down and started eating. He said, “You know Ethan’s a complete *, right?”

“What?”

“You heard me.”

“That’s kind of a mean thing to say, Zane. Why would you say that?”

“Truth hurts.”

“How do you figure he’s a *?”

He sneered. “Have you noticed how he’s not spending any time with you?”

“Yeah…and he said it’s ‘cause he has to practice, practice, practice for the show this weekend.”

“And that’s complete and total bullshit.”

I was confused. “How so? You are playing, right?”

“Yeah. Yeah, we’re playing. And that part’s sweet, even though five songs we played together for the first time last weekend.”

“But that’s good. And I bet you all did great together.”

“Yeah, Val, but you’re missing the point about what a shit Ethan is.”

I let out a breath. “Okay, I give. How is Ethan a shit?”

“I wish you’d ask him.”

“I’m asking you. You brought it up.”

He rolled his eyes and finished chewing the bite of salad in his mouth. He didn’t say anything for several minutes. I just sat there, fork in hand, not moving, waiting for him to talk. “Have you noticed that Ethan’s cooled a little bit?”

Yes, I’d noticed, but as I’d said, I thought he was focusing on their big night. I shrugged. “Yeah. So?”

He sucked in a breath. “Know what? I can’t do this. I can’t be Ethan’s little messenger. You’re gonna have to talk to him yourself.”

Anger started bubbling up inside me. “What? Now you’re telling me Ethan put you up to this?”

He shook his head and looked out at the sea of students pouring into the dining room from the serving area. “Just talk to him, Val. Talk to him, okay?”

“I thought you were my friend,” I said and picked up my tray. Yeah, I was shitting on the messenger, but I was upset. I scraped off my plate and left the tray on the belt that pulled all the dirty dishes into the kitchen and left the dining room without looking back. Then I went to their dorm room.

When I got there, it was quiet inside. I’d expected to hear Ethan banging out some guitar riffs. But then I did hear something, and the door opened right after. And there was Ethan, along with a raven-haired girl wearing a hot pink tank top. I swallowed hard. No words would come out. Me…he’d called me his wordsmith, and yet I couldn’t find a single word to say.

It could have been innocent. Could have. But the girl wasn’t wearing any shoes, and her hair was mussed up. Ethan’s shoes were off too. And I felt the tears start to well up in my eyes, so I just backed away while I could still save face. I heard him say, “Val…”

But he didn’t come to get me, and before I got to the end of the hall, I heard the door close.

So that was it, huh? Now I knew where I stood. I was up on some pedestal. He couldn’t soil me, but he could sure as hell cheat on me? That didn’t make much sense. And when I got back to my room, Zane was standing in front of the door waiting for me. Without a word, he just wrapped me in his arms and let me cry until there were no more tears to fall.

* * *

Although I’d spent the next two days just focusing on homework and ignoring Ethan’s texts, I still planned to attend the Fully Automatic show that Saturday night. After all, some of the lyrics were mine, and I’d never seen them performed before. Besides, Zane and I had become close friends, and I hadn’t seen Nick and Brad since early December the following year. As far as I was concerned, Ethan could f*ck off, but I wasn’t going to miss the show.

Friday night, Zane joined Jennifer and me for dinner. I said, “You sure Ethan’s not going to show up?”

“Yeah.”

When we sat down, Zane asked, “You’re coming tomorrow night, right?”

I nodded. “Yeah. I plan to.”

“What about you, Jennifer?”

“What?”

“I told you about that—the Fully Automatic concert at The Cave.”

“You’re playing, Zane?” He nodded. Yeah…maybe there was still a spark between the two. That made me happy, because Jennifer was a sweet girl and Zane was a nice guy, and both deserved each other. “Then…maybe.” She looked at me. “I could drive us there.”

“Sounds great.” Until she’d said that, since it was April and spring was fully in gear, I’d planned on walking. With a friend driving, though, it would be a lot easier.

The show started at seven, and Fully Automatic wasn’t the first band. There were three bands playing that night, and I didn’t know which one would play first. I let Jennifer borrow some of my clothes, and I put on a black tank top, spiked wristbands, black leather pants, and black heeled boots. I was probably overdoing it, but I didn’t care. I hoped Ethan would see me in the crowd and regret what he’d done to me. I put on bright pink lipstick and dark eye makeup and off we went.

The place was just as dark as I’d remembered. Jennifer pointed out one of the tables a little back from the stage. “Do you care if we sit there?”

“You don’t want to get close to the stage?”

“Isn’t it dangerous there by the moshpit?”

I laughed. “Well, it can be. How about we sit here for now and move up front when the guys play?”

She agreed. So we sat at the table, sipping at the bottled waters we’d purchased, waiting for the show to begin. They were blasting plenty of metal, but the actual bands weren’t yet playing.

I saw someone sit next to me, so I turned my head. It was Brad, and sweet Jesus, he looked better than ever. He was still gorgeous, but his hair had grown some, and he had let a few days’ stubble accumulate on his face. I smiled. “Hi, beautiful,” he said as I looked over.

I wanted to jump him and get all excited, because I’d really missed him, but I wanted to keep my cool. He’d delivered his line as suave as could be, so I didn’t want to just spaz out. “Well, hello back, gorgeous.” I propped my head on my hands, resting my elbows on the table.

Holy shit. There was still some weird magnetism vibrating between us, as though no time had passed since I’d last seen him. I realized at that moment that I felt more sexual attraction for Brad than I’d ever felt for any other guy on the planet, including Ethan. What I thought I’d felt for Ethan was more permanent, more loving, while what I felt for Brad was primal, animalistic, and irrational.

“Um…this is my roommate, Jennifer Manders.”

Ever charming, Brad offered his hand. “Jennifer.” But when she put out her hand to shake his, he instead brought her hand to his lips and kissed it.

“How debonair,” I teased.

He lowered his voice. “You…I’ll kiss elsewhere.” I lost my ability to breathe. But then he spoke louder again and said, “So…you here to watch us play, or is this just a coincidence?”

I didn’t plan to quit flirting now. “I came to watch you.”

He smiled, and I could tell he was trying to gauge how much of what I’d said was true and how much was just teasing. “You’re here just for me?”

“Yep. Just for you.” I smiled back and then he winked at me, as though telling me he didn’t care if I was full of shit or not; he just appreciated the effort.

“Gotta go. I’m hanging at another band’s merch table to see how it’s done.” He kissed me on the cheek and then stood. “See you after the show?”