Blessed Tragedy(9)

“I'm glad I did. That was pretty amazing, the way the black-haired guy toasted your mom. She would have been proud of you. She was proud, but if she'd seen you out there, there would have been no stopping her from telling everyone about you.”

“Thanks, Dad.” I felt pressure building behind my eyes as tears welled, begging for release. “I'm sorry for not coming home sooner. I really thought she hated everything about me after I left.”

It was hard to admit my feelings, even harder because they were so wrong. Why didn't she say anything to me before it was too late?

“Well, we didn't exactly make it easy on you either. I'm sorry for everything we said. I'm sorry we told you to get a real job. We were worried about you, but I can see now that you're just where you need to be.” My dad patted the cushion next to him and I sat, leaning into his shoulder. “I do have a favor to ask but I don't want an answer until we get home.”

I couldn't make eye contact with him. No matter how much time had passed, I knew that if he didn't want an answer right now, it was a question he really wanted me to think about before answering. It had been his modus operandi when we were kids. Most of the time, it was attached to a question letting us know we were in trouble and he was giving us the chance to come clean.

“Will you sing at the funeral? If it's going to be too emotional, I don't want you to feel bad if you say no. I haven't talked to your brothers about it so they'll never even know that I asked you unless you say yes. I didn't even know I was going to ask you until I saw you and Colton out there tonight but I think your mother would have loved for you to do what you love as a tribute to her.”

Part of me wanted to jump up and tell him that I'd be honored to sing. The bigger part of me was terrified by the thought. Even if my dad and brothers had come around and were willing to accept me for who I was, that didn't mean anyone else would. And what if I couldn't do it? My fears had nothing to do with my vocal abilities and everything to do with the emotional wreckage I already found myself wading through. I could barely get through the concert in front of strangers. Would I be able to do it?

“Just think about it.” Dad stood from the loveseat and patted my shoulder. “Now, I'd better go find your brothers and those two that are coming with us. Are you going to be okay going with Colton?”

I blinked hard, trying to get over hearing my dad talking about my band mates like it was normal. He'd never had anything nice to say about them when we talked on the phone. He didn't go out of his way to be nasty, but until tonight I was under the impression that everything about my lifestyle and job was unacceptable in his mind.

“Yes, Dad. We ride all the time.” It was hard to not let on how nice it was to have my dad openly worried about me. “We'll have to throw some stuff in the van. I'll walk with you.”

When my dad pulled me to his side I didn't resist. There'd be time in the future to figure out where my relationship with my family was going. This was the time to savor whatever we had and be there for one another.



“Jon, Trav, get out here,” I yelled from outside the bus. I wanted to talk to them without my brothers overhearing us to find out how they really felt about spending their time off with me. I know they'd already said they wanted to be there for me, but this was taking things to a whole new level.

“'Sup, Rain?” Travis bounded down the stairs with a can of Pepsi in his hand. I was impressed; he was normally the first one to crack a beer open as soon as we were back on the bus.

Even though I hadn't asked him to, Colton appeared in the darkness as well. He walked behind me and wrapped his arms around me for the second time tonight. While we were no strangers to a certain level of intimacy, this felt different.

With my defenses already shattered I welcomed the gesture even though I had serious reservations. I'd spent years telling myself I'd never get involved with a band mate. I'd spent many months defending the platonic state of our personal relationship. And now, I was the one having thoughts about Colton that didn't fall into the friends category.

“You guys are cool with this?” I looked from one to the other trying to see a glimmer of doubt or hesitation in their expressions. Jon and Travis both nodded. “And you realize you're riding back to Lex with my dad and brothers?” I cringed at the thought. The only common bond between everyone in the van was going to be me, meaning I was likely going to be the topic of conversation. They nodded again. “And you realize that if you do or say anything that comes back to haunt me, I'll kill you while you sleep?”

“Oh, come on, you really think we'd say anything embarrassing?” Travis batted his thick eyelashes at me trying to pretend he was sweet and innocent.

“Yes,” I laughed, “I know damn well you'll say something that's gonna kick my ass. Remember, they're just starting to accept who I am and what I do. I don't need you *s ruining that for me.”

Jon wrapped his arm around me as Colton stepped back. I felt a bit like a pinball being passed from one person to the next. “You think that little of us? Honestly, this might be a good thing for you.” I had to tilt my head back to look into Jon's amber eyes.

“I know, it's just...”

Travis pulled me away from Jon and buried my head in his chest. “Don't worry. We'll be good. And if Jon goes to say anything, I'll whip him out at highway speeds.”

The way Jon's gaze was fixed on the ground as he kicked the dirt told me something was bothering him. I swallowed hard, wondering if he was going along with this because it's what the rest of the band signed on for. It wouldn't be the first time but it would be the first time it pissed me off. This wasn't a song on an album or an appearance; this was spending time with my family. It really was more than I ever could have asked of any of them.

“Jon?” I walked over to him, ducking my head so my eyes met his. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, it's just...they're so different from what you said. You sure you're okay with this?” And there was the doubt I'd been waiting for. The hint that I'd exaggerated my family's feelings to keep the guys away from them. It pissed me off but not enough to get into it with him.

“Yes, I'm sure. Now can we please get them out of here? It's been a hell of a day and I need to sleep.”



I started to regret riding home with Colton about an hour into the ride as I felt myself nodding off. Falling asleep on a motorcycle at eighty miles per hour was a good way to get yourself killed and I knew it. I squeezed my arms around his middle to get his attention and signaled that we needed to find an exit.

“Everything okay?” Typically Colton would have been the first to say it was time for a break. I loved riding and could do it for hours on a normal day.

“Yeah, but I need some coffee. I'm going to call Mark and let him know what's going on so they don't worry.” I ran my fingers through my hair to comb the wind-blown ends as Colton watched me intently. The look in his eyes would have been creepy coming from anyone but him. “You want anything?”

“Nah, I'm good,” he yawned. I turned back as I walked to the store and saw him stretching. The flutters came back to my stomach as his leather jacket and t-shirt lifted to show a glimpse of his stomach.

Colton laughed as I did jumping jacks in the parking lot once my twenty ounce coffee was gone. I was willing to do anything to make sure I was alert for the rest of the ride.

I threw my leg over the seat, climbing on behind Colton. As I leaned into his back, the scent of leather and Colton flooded my senses, instantly calming me. I'd been a foolish woman to think I had to do this alone.



By the time we got to the house, Matt and Mike had shown Jon and Travis the rec room in the basement. The four of them were shooting pool while Mark stood behind the bar pretending he wasn't watching Travis's ass as he bent over the table. It was a fine looking backside but that didn't mean I needed to watch my brother ogling. He wouldn't understand but it was like one brother checking out another brother; incestuous and wrong on every level, even if they weren't related by blood.

I grabbed a bottle of Blue Moon from my brother and curled onto the leather sectional across the room from the pool table, certain I wasn't going to be good company for anyone. Other than my quick nap in the van, I'd been up for almost twenty hours and I was both physically and emotionally exhausted.

Any concerns I had about my worlds colliding were silenced by the sounds of Mike and Jon debating what bands could be considered classics while Matt and Travis wagered on the next game. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't nice to see my worlds meshing this way. I'd never truly found peace with being estranged from my family and I could never turn my back on the band. I just wish it hadn't taken something like this to bring everyone together.

“So Mark, did you get my guys monkey suits?” The thought of my band mates wearing suits made me giggle more than it should have. To them, dressing up meant finding a shirt that didn't have a band logo on it. It'd be interesting to see how everyone cleaned up.