Blessed Tragedy(7)

Blowing out a deep breath, I picked up my acoustic and leaned against the platform on stage. I started singing I Will Be There by Art of Dying to the empty seats. As I started singing the chorus, Colton's rich voice joined me in perfect harmony. We sat together on the stage floor through the rest of the song.

“Should we add that in tonight?” Colton knew it was a song I sang often on the nights I wished my family understood me. When I didn't answer right away, he pulled me onto his lap and held me, brushing the hair away from my face. “Hey, we don't have to. I just thought you might want to. You know, kind of a tribute to your mom.”

“That'd be awesome. Will Jon and Trav be up for it?”

“For you, I think they'd do just about anything. When are you going to realize how many people love you?” His words told me he and Mark had talked about a hell of a lot more than the show. I was thankful he felt it was enough to say his peace and move on.

“Yeah, I think I would like to.” I knew it was time for me to get ready but the security I felt in Colton's arms was hard to walk away from. “I'm going to need you tonight. I've never been so scared to do a show.” Admitting weakness isn't something I would normally do but he needed to know I wasn't feeling confident about the show.

Colton crooked a finger under my chin drawing my eyes to his. “There will never be a time I'm not here for you. And once you get in the zone, you know damn well there's no stopping you. It's just another show.”

“I know, but--”

“No. No buts, not now. If you want to talk about it later, I'm here for you. Don't psych yourself out.” Colton pushed me off his lap and stood, reaching a hand down to help me up. “Come on, time to kick the preppie out and bring my little storm cloud back.”

It took less than twelve hours in the presence of my family for me to feel completely stripped of my identity. It's wasn't a hard thing to do given the fact that many key tenets of my life were so off-base. I stared into the vanity mirror in my dressing room trying to find Rain, the badass everyone expected to run on stage in just a few hours.

The anger towards my family that fueled me to succeed was replaced by anger over the entire situation, including anger towards myself. This anger wasn't a driving force, it was an emotional vacuum that left me drained and unable to move beyond the small loveseat shoved into a corner of the small dressing room.

“Hey sweetie, you gonna make it?” Colton's voice was soft and nurturing as he knelt on the floor in front of me. I shook my head. He turned so he was sitting on the floor in front of me with his head resting on my legs waiting to see if I wanted to talk. I didn't and I was grateful he didn't push.

That's how we stayed until there was a knock on the door. “Come in,” I said, practically throwing Colton off me as I jumped up from the couch. It was bad enough that he saw me on the verge of losing it, I wasn't about to risk anyone else seeing me that way.

“Hey Mo-- Maddie. Are you decent for us to come in for a minute?” I narrowed my eyes at Mark for almost slipping up. It may seem strange, but other than my three band mates, I'd worked hard to make sure my public persona was carefully segregated from my personal life. That included my name, where I was from, information about my family and anything else that could tie me to the life and family I had left behind.

“Yeah, come on in.” I made my way back to the vanity to lay out my makeup for the night. I was no longer hungry but knew I'd regret it if I got shaky on stage later, so I accepted the food I'd asked for as my brothers filed into the room.

“Colton, this is my dad, Thomas.” I watched in awe as my dad extended his hand to Colton. It's not that I expected my dad to have poor manners, I knew he would be polite, it was just something I never imagined happening. “You know Mark already. The tall one in the corner is Mike and this * is Matt.” I wrapped my arms around Matt's waist allowing him to lift me off the ground.

It was hard to keep a straight face when Colton looked from me to each of my brothers and back again. I hadn't had a chance to explain everything to him yet and our actions were in stark contrast to how I had explained our relationship. It still wasn't fixed by any means, but I was beginning to have hope that there would be a day when I got along with my brothers and knew they were supportive of my life.

“It's nice to meet all of you. I'm sorry for your loss.” Colton offered his hand to each of my brothers and then reached for me. “Maddie has to get ready but I'd be happy to show you around for a bit.”

I actually smiled when Colton used my real name. I'd be certain I didn't want to hear that name cross his lips but it meant a lot to me that he was trying to make my family comfortable. He ushered them through the door and they were gone.

When I reached for my clothes, I noticed that Colton hadn't pulled out one of my typical outfits, which included a leather corset, skirt and knee-high combat boots. The only way to describe the outfit in front of my band mates was Rain with just a hint of Maddie. The leather corset was replaced by a royal purple brocade corset, black leather pants and high heeled boots. I grimaced at the thought of those boots on stage but figured I could get through it for one night since my boots wouldn't work with this look and none of my skirts were long enough to appease my father and overprotective brothers.



Still being one of the opening acts, we never knew how the crowds were going to react to our appearance. Sure, there were plenty of fans who loved us but there's no point denying that they wouldn't have spent fifty dollars per seat if it wasn't for Tantalize. Tonight's crowd was on fire through the first two acts; most nights that would have kicked the adrenaline into overdrive and I'd be bouncing around waiting for our turn on stage. Tonight, I was consumed by the thoughts of what my family would think of my performance, of my mom not being there to see, about everything we had to get done, basically everything except the six thousand people who'd paid good money to see a show.

“Hey, you gonna make it?” I'd been so lost in my mood I hadn't heard Colton walk up behind me.

“I'm fine.” I didn't look at him. I couldn't look at anyone.

“Bullshit. Look at me.” He pulled my shoulders so I was facing him causing me to wobble on the four inch heels. “You're going to be fine. It's just another show, right?”

“I said I'm fine,” I growled. Him pressing me to admit I was having a hard time getting in the zone was doing a good job of getting me pissed off enough to be ready.

“Whatever you say, Moo.”

Those *s told him. I'm going to be forced to explain to all of these people that Colton isn't on stage because I killed him.

“What did you just call me?” I spat.

Colton's face broke out in a cocky grin. “Just doin' my job, Rain.”

“Who else f*cking knows?” I asked. If I had worried about my edge being dull, it was plenty sharp now. I was ready to get on stage and shred the hell out of my vocal cords.

He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me tight to his body so my back was pressed against his firm chest. “No one but me. And I've known it for a long time. Mark's lips get loose when he's been drinking. Don't worry; your secret's always been safe with me.” His breath on my ear as he tried to keep his voice as low as possible sent shivers through my body.

We stayed that way, wrapped together through the set change until the house lights went out and Colton left me to retrieve his guitar.

“Hey, where are they?” I asked. I wasn't sure if I wanted to know where my family was going to be during the concert but I figured it'd be better if I had some advance warning.

“Right front. That way it's easy for them to get backstage. I told them if it gets too loud, they can go back to your dressing room. They're on this side of the barricade so you don't have to worry about anyone getting hurt. Security's been told who they are and where to take them if they want to head back.”

I regretted asking. Not because I knew where to look, or not look, but because I was thrown by the lengths Colton had taken to make sure everything was as smooth as possible for my family.

The chanting of the crowd brought me back to the moment as I stood at the center of the dark stage. A single spotlight jolted to life and it was go time. I glanced over at Colton who was anxiously watching me to see if I was going to falter on the acapella opening of the show. I gave him a quick wink and belted out the opening notes to It's Never Been You, our first radio single.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried about my performance but any fears I had flew off the stage during that first verse where I was completely on my own. Colton and Travis slowly moved to center stage next to me near the end of the first verse. There was never a performance where I wasn't in awe of his skills but tonight he took everything up a notch. This was a special night for all of us and I could feel it.