Begin Again (Again #1)(78)

Spencer shrugged. “Gambling.”

“That’s it?”

He shook his head. “If he doesn’t want to talk, I respect it. I guess he just needs time to digest everything.”

“We have to leave,” Scott reminded me. “Dawn’s getting out of class now.”

“Where are you going?” Monica asked. Her cheery tone sounded forced, but I appreciated her effort to lighten up the mood.

“Apartment visit number seven.”

Monica opened her mouth but Ethan beat her to it: “Are you really looking at apartments?”

“Maybe you should hold off a bit and see what—” Monica managed to begin.

“No,” I interrupted, trying to smile. My heart was being pulled this way and that. “Kaden means a lot to me, but apart from the fact that I can’t have my living situation dependent on someone who is so unreliable with his emotions. I’m done, Monica.”

I stood and tried to take deep, calm breaths.

One, two, three …

Inhale. Exhale. Breathe.

Everything in me cried out for Kaden. I wanted to see him, to take him in my arms and hear straight from him what his friends had just told me, but that was impossible. There was no way.

“Thank you for telling me.” As I left, I pressed my hand on Spencer’s shoulder and smiled at Ethan and Monica.

Spencer reached up for my hand and squeezed it. “Let me know if you need help with your move. That’s the least I can do.”

“Thanks, Spencer.”





Chapter 34


Apartment seven was a dream.

Luckily, this tour wasn’t led by a real estate agent but by the landlady herself. She was a nice, older woman who told us about her grandson the craftsman, who had used his skills to keep the apartment shipshape. Scott asked her about her grandson while Dawn and I had another quick look around.

“This is it,” I said. “It feels right.”

It reminded me of how I’d felt when I first stood in Kaden’s apartment, but this time there was no biting commentary and gloomy expressions.

Part of me wanted nothing more than to reach out to Kaden. But I’d meant it when I said I wouldn’t chase after him, and I knew quite well that he’d just mess me up again. Besides, I had a plan. I wanted to get back on the right track, have some security and stability—things that Kaden couldn’t give me. As much as I wanted it to be different between us, now I had to think of myself. I wanted to be on my own once and for all. After all, freedom was what I’d been looking for in the first place.

We heard Mrs. Collins laughing and went back to see why. “You’re my type, Scott!”

Dawn and I exchanged an amused glance.

“But you’re not the one looking for a place to live, are you?” Mrs. Collins asked, looking up at Scott dreamily. Apparently he’d used all his charm to wrap the woman around his little finger.

“No, but I’ll want to visit my friend Allie,” Scott answered, and turned to smile at me.

“Well, anyone with such charming friends has to be a decent person,” she said, addressing me. “If you want it, you can have the apartment.” All I could do was stare at her openmouthed.

Scott jumped in.

“What she wants to say is that she’ll take it, absolutely, Mrs. Collins!”

I grinned.

A little later we sat down with Mrs. Collins at the kitchen table and looked over the lease. She said she was okay with my subletting the second room if I wanted to, but that I would bear full responsibility for any damage.

When we parted, I hugged her. It might not have been very professional, but she’d saved the day. And not only that: She gave me my freedom back, with the keys she put into my hand.

Since I didn’t want to occupy Dawn’s bed any longer than necessary, she and I took the next day to move my stuff into the new place. It was mostly furnished; that took at least one load off my mind.

Scott and Spencer brought over the things I’d left at Kaden’s place. I avoided asking them about it, and they were tactful enough not to speak about the elephant in the room. The situation was unpleasant enough.

By the afternoon, we’d set up the bedroom. Even the curtains had been hung, thanks to Spencer and Scott. The only thing we had to reassemble was the sofa bed. I didn’t know how they’d managed it, but the dresser had fit into Spencer’s car. Monica also dropped in and helped me decorate the rooms. Plus, she brought over a mountain of homemade pancakes. For the first time since Kaden had thrown me out, I felt my appetite returning.

Later, Scott wanted to drink a toast to my new apartment. But we couldn’t find any champagne flutes—just coffee mugs with cute little sayings such as “Best Grandma in the World.” They must have been left by Mrs. Collins’ grandson after the renovation was finished.

We drank to the reassembled furniture and then got busy putting away my suitcase and the moving boxes. My heart sank when I saw how carelessly Kaden had thrown everything together. The frame with the photo of me and Dawn had a crack in it. Dawn took it from me and handed me the “Best Grandma in the World” mug so I could take a large gulp of bubbly.

That evening, my string lights were hanging above the sofa, and the scented candles were burning in the living room and kitchen. I sat on the fluffy carpet, leaning back against the couch. Dawn had made herself comfortable on the sofa, flanked on one side by Spencer and on the other by Scott, who was busy texting Micah. Monica had left a while ago because she had to study and then meet up with Ethan. But we’d decided to open a second bottle of champagne anyway.