Begin Again (Again #1)(81)

I caught my breath, even though I knew the story.

“I asked her if she’d gone to the hospital, and she said no. Then I begged her to tell me who it was. A stranger? Someone she knew? But she just shook her head and kept pulling away from me, as if it were me she was afraid of. I’ve never felt so helpless in my life.” Kaden clenched his fists. “Eventually I asked her parents to come in. It took a while but then she told us who it was.”

“Alex,” I whispered, and Kaden cringed. As if waking up from a trance, he lifted his head and looked at me. He nodded.

“It came out suddenly. If the situation hadn’t been so serious, I might’ve thought she was joking.”

I swallowed hard and noticed how dry my throat had become.

“After she said it once, she repeated Alex’s name again and again. I could only stare at her. It was incomprehensible to me, why she was saying this. I didn’t believe her. I couldn’t believe her, no matter how desperate she was, no matter how much she claimed to be telling the truth. Kendra always liked to get attention, and I figured that played a role here, too.” He shook his head. “To me it sounded like a bad episode in one of those crime series, when the wrong person is accused at first. Alex was my brother. I would have done anything for him. I went to him that day and he told me, of course, that he wasn’t even at that party. I believed him.” Kaden laughed in anger. His eyes revealed how much these memories hurt, and also how angry he was at himself. “Of course I believed him. And when the accusations grew louder, I took Alex’s side. Kendra’s parents hated me, and so did our circle of friends. They all told me they didn’t want to have anything to do with the brother of a rapist. Everyone except Spencer rejected me. It was simple. Like a bad dream that wouldn’t end. Alex could have any girl he wanted. I was convinced that he would never, ever, force himself on someone, least of all his little brother’s girlfriend. Besides, my Dad told me that Alex had been home that whole night.”

His voice cracked. He sounded so desperate and so hurt that I could not help myself: I reached out to stroke his arm.

“What happened then?” I whispered.

Kaden’s eyes became even darker. “Kendra’s parents wanted to file charges against Alex, but my father made them an offer. I don’t need to tell you that money can buy anything.” For a while he just looked at me.

“My father couldn’t risk bad press. His company was hurting at the time, and any bad headlines would have meant bankruptcy. And I believed him. I was so blind to the truth that I’m pretty sure I would have testified for Alex in court if it went that far. But Kendra’s parents accepted the money and signed a confidentiality agreement.”

I felt ill, knowing how Kendra must have felt about all this.

“Alex insisted to me that it wasn’t him. He swore, looked at me in the eyes and acted as if he had no idea what I was talking about. He just lied to my face.”

I got up the guts to ask: “How did you find out the truth?”

Kaden pressed his lips together and took a moment to speak. “I overheard a conversation between Dad and Alex. My father asked if he’d at least used protection, or if he was going to be a grandfather.”

My mouth dropped open.

“I lost it and went after Alex. I couldn’t stop punching him. He kept on saying he was sorry and insisted that she had been into him and even wanted it. Then I went straight to Kendra, but she didn’t want to see me. I tried to apologize, to explain, but it took months before she could look at me, let alone talk to me. She forgave me but made it clear that she’d never be able to see me with the same eyes as before. Alex left her in ruins. He destroyed everything, including our friendship.”

“None of this is your fault, Kaden,” I insisted, sliding a little closer to him.

He looked up. His forehead was furrowed, his expression bitter. “I’m not to blame for his mistakes. But I enabled the hush-up. I let the pig get away, because I trusted my brother and father like a naive idiot.”

“But it wasn’t you who lied. It’s understandable to take your family’s side. Nothing wrong with that.” I paused. “Wait a minute … so why did you throw me out?”

Kaden clenched his teeth.

“Because you thought I was going to blame you for what happened to Kendra?”

“What happened to you, Allie … ” Kaden began with a heavy voice, “that was also covered up. How could I be with you when I knew damned well that I had done the same thing?”

He raised his hand to stop my attempt to contradict him.

“I have seen how bad these memories are for you, even today. No one deserves that. It’s not right. What happened to you is not right. And I … I protected a damned rapist!”

“But that doesn’t make you guilty of his crime!” I cried out. “You didn’t even know that he’d done it.”

“I should have questioned his story even more.”

“Kaden—”

“You worked so hard to be free, Allie. How could I do this to you? Every time you’d look at me, you’d see him.”

I slid from the sofa right into his lap. His arms stiffened. He was like stone.

“None of that is your fault, Kaden,” I said again, reaching my arms around him and holding him close.