Begin Again (Again #1)(82)

“How can you say that?”

I leaned back to look deep into his eyes. It was important that he understand every word.

“Because I know you. I can’t say how you were in the past, and how I would have felt if Kendra were my friend. But I know the man you have become. And there’s nothing bad about him. The man I know would walk through fire for his friends. He would fly thousands of miles, leaving his family on a holiday, to be with his girlfriend when she needs him. Yes, I know you, Kaden. And I’d never hold you responsible for what happened.”

He closed his eyes. And then wrapped me in his arms and pressed me close. His shoulders were shaking, and he buried his face in my shoulder. Caressing his back, I murmured comforting words against his temple. I held him tightly and tried to drive out the demons of the past, the way he had for me.

Somehow we ended up lying on the floor. Kaden’s arms were still around me, his face pressed against my neck. But he’d stopped shuddering, and his breathing had calmed.

“You’re the best.”

I lifted my head a bit. “Hm?”

“That time in the hotel, when we agreed on a compromise, I told you that it was the second-best deal I’d ever made.”

He pulled away from me and sat up. His face was flushed, but he wasn’t as desperate as before. He seemed almost relieved, as if a huge load had been lifted from his shoulders.

“The best thing I ever did was take you into my apartment, Bubbles.” He brushed a strand of hair from my face.

“And yet you threw me out,” I reminded him, while trying not to sound reproachful. After what he’d just confided in me, how could I be angry at him? To see him suffer—it had almost broken my heart again.

“And that was my biggest mistake.”

“I fully agree, Mr. White.”

“I’m sorry I hurt you so much and destroyed our relationship, Bubbles. I…” He looked at me, determined. “I’m going to fix it. So we’re both on firm ground again.”

I returned his gaze, but with a little less confidence.

Things had changed. Now I knew that the reason for Kaden’s behavior lay with his past and not with me. Kaden would obviously need time to work this out. And it wouldn’t be easy for either of us. Who knew better than me what kind of strength that process required?

But this was about Kaden—the guy I’d fallen head over heels in love with. If he couldn’t do it alone, then I would dig deep into my reserves to help him. We would make it.

“We’re not totally destroyed, Kaden. Just give me a little time,” I whispered.

Kaden’s smile was worth everything. Simply everything.

“Okay. And in the meantime I’ll do my best to make you smile again.”





Chapter 35


The first morning in my new apartment was great. At least until I realized there was no coffee maker, which checked my mood somewhat.

Kaden had gone back home last night. It seemed right to both of us. On one hand, I wanted him to stay forever. But his recent behavior still hurt. That and our current living situation had definitely drawn a clear line in our relationship. I knew we’d make it, but we both needed time.

The doorbell rang while I was just putting on my makeup. I ran to the door but couldn’t see anyone through the peephole, so I opened it up a crack—and squealed.

On the doormat was a coffee maker. And not just any machine. It was Kaden’s.

Next to it was a blue box. I opened it and couldn’t suppress a joyful cry when I saw all the little bottles of coffee creamer in the most varied flavors, from mint to vanilla to coconut.

I gathered the coffee maker and box in my arms and practically embraced them. Once in the kitchen, I set up the machine and was soon stirring two different creamers into the freshly brewed coffee in one of my brand-new cups. I took a selfie, closing my eyes in pleasure, and sent it with a smiley face to Kaden.

His answer came in less than a minute:

Which flavor?

I smiled and sipped my coffee while typing the answer with one hand.

Coconut and caramel.

Could you be any more disgusting?

The broad grin on my face would probably be stuck there all day.

The second surprise was waiting at my car. Temperatures had dipped below freezing in the last few days, which meant I’d have to scrape frost off the windshield. But no: Someone had done it for me! I pulled my scarf off my face and stared at the car, confused. It took a moment for me to realize it must have been Kaden. And then I saw a square package, wrapped in a crimson bow, sitting on the trunk.

Sitting inside the car, I untied the lopsided ribbon and tore the paper off. The box was full of CDs. Loads of them. I recognized them all from Kaden’s car. He told me that he would never lend them to anyone! I held each disc up: some were bands that Kaden had introduced to me and that I now loved; and others were bands we’d both already been fans of for ages.

I swallowed hard. Each CD had a song or two that connected Kaden and me. When I got to the end of the stack, I found a piece of paper where these specific songs were listed. But he’d added a few more titles to the end of the list—so I decided to play them as I drove to class.

It turned out not to be such a good idea. By the time I pulled into the parking lot, I was ready to cry.

The lyrics were so beautiful and moving that I wanted to turn right around and drive to Kaden. Or should I write him? After all, we were … Well, we hadn’t talked about what we were. I should have felt upset and insecure about being in limbo like this, but weirdly enough I’d never felt so calm and confident. Kaden made me feel complete. And the songs he’d added to his list made me believe that he felt the same about me.