Begin Again (Again #1)(37)

“I can’t,” I pushed out the words. “I’m sorry. I just can’t.”

Kaden sighed. He grabbed me firmly by my upper arms, and when he leaned back on the sofa, I had no choice but to move with him. My head landed on his shoulder, my body lay stretched out against his. I stiffened as I felt his grip around my hips, but then his other hand stroked my arm, up to my shoulder and down again, and I realized that he only wanted to hold me. I stopped fighting myself, and the tears came. All the words I couldn’t say ran silently from the corners of my eyes and fell on Kaden’s shirt, one tear after the next, until a huge wet spot appeared.

Kaden just held me tight. He didn’t say a word about my state, didn’t crack any jokes about me, didn’t pressure me to tell him more.

He was just there for me. And that was more than I’d ever expected from him.





Chapter 14


I studied like mad for the make-up exam. Scott, Dawn, and I met every evening to cram, though Dawn was already studying for the next test.

Tonight, Kaden had even let us study in the living room, though Spencer, Monica and Ethan had come over.

I’d already spotted Spencer staring at Dawn more than once. When I nudged her to call this to her attention, she wrinkled her nose and blushed.

“So what are you all doing for Thanksgiving?” asked Spencer.

“We’re already arguing again about which family we should visit first,” Monica sighed.

I stared at my notebook. The letters danced in front of my eyes. I’d managed to avoid this unfortunate subject the whole week. I didn’t feel like explaining my awful family situation to my friends.

“I’m not sure yet. My mom will probably be with her new boyfriend. I think she’s meeting his kids,” I heard Kaden say.

“What are you doing for Thanksgiving?” Dawn asked, and I stiffened. I tore my eyes away from Kaden and looked back down at my notebook.

“I don’t know yet.” That was the truth. Under no circumstances did I want to go to my parents’ benefit gala.

Scott sighed. “OK, so I’m meeting up with Micah.”

He’s already told us about his new flame—in great detail. But we’d never met him face to face.

“For your information: We’ll spend the evening all over each other,” Scott declared. Dawn and I lost it.

“Please spare us the details,” laughed Dawn.

“Why? Just because you’re having a dry spell I can’t brag about my sexual adventures? Don’t be selfish!” His wry sarcasm was so over the top that I had to laugh even louder.

“I’m not having a dry spell,” Dawn growled, her face expressionless and shoulders stiff.

“Just in case, I’m happy to help,” Spencer proposed.

I shot him a warning look. Dawn just shook her head and groaned.

By the time evening rolled around, smoke was coming out of my ears, and my friends also looked like they could use a break. Kaden and company had already put on their jackets and were getting ready to head for Hillhouse. The rest of us rashly decided to join them, even though we had our exam the next day. Just one drink, we agreed, to reward ourselves for a long day of studying. I’d reached the point where my brain was unlikely to absorb more information anyway—and what I really needed was fresh air and a distraction.

When we got to the club, we grabbed a table. Kaden and I ended up next to each other on the bench. Next to Kaden sat Monica and Ethan, and across from us were Spencer, Scott and Dawn. Blue light bathed the room; the air smelled of alcohol and the artificial mist that floated over the dance floor.

We ordered a pitcher of beer and toasted to ourselves. It was a nice change of pace to talk about something other than school. Instead, Monica told us how she’d met everyone else. She and Ethan had met in a class on applied thermodynamics—Monica, who actually was majoring in art history, had ended up in this class by accident—and they fell head over heels in love at first sight. That was two years ago already. Ethan had lived with Kaden since his first semester, and was already friends with Spencer. They’d met a few years back in Portland.

“Kaden was in his Goth phase at the time. I mean, he even wore eyeliner,” recalled Spencer with an amused twinkle in his eyes.

“I did not.” Kaden’s tone left no doubt that this was a phase he didn’t like to remember.

“No, your eyes were naturally lined in black,” Spencer sniffed, leaning back.

“And you had no hair back then,” Kaden reminded him. “What was that again? A bet you lost?”

Spencer snorted. “At least I didn’t get tattoos that would remind me every day of my life as a lovesick teenager.”

I could feel the atmosphere changing from one moment to the next.

“What did you say?” asked Kaden. His voice sounded like the calm before the storm—soft but dangerous.

Spencer raised his hands in surrender. “Sorry, man.”

My eyes darted from Spencer to Kaden and back.

“Did you really have the name of your ex tattooed, or why are you so upset?” Scott asked, leaning in. He seemed to be the only one of us who hadn’t noticed the shifting mood.

Kaden rose so suddenly that he jarred the table. He edged past me without speaking.

“Did you have to, Spencer?” I heard Monica ask. I was watching Kaden heading past the dance floor, probably toward the bar.