Begin Again (Again #1)(42)

“Come on.” He turned around and looked back at me over his shoulder, jerking his chin in the direction we had to go.

“Please tell me you’re going to take me to my car,” I groaned and ran to catch up with him.

“Less talking, more walking,” he retorted and moved on ahead.

Instead of bringing me back to my car, Kaden was forcing me to take the uphill route that I’d wanted to find.

At some point I recognized the rocks over which Kaden had hoisted me the last couple of times. We barely talked, but I wasn’t up to that anyway. I tried hard not to notice my own panting.

We’d reached the last rocky ledge. At the top, I put my hands on my thighs and forced myself to breathe calmly and not keel over on the spot.

Kaden had stepped out to the edge of the ledge and stretched out his arms as if to fly. “That’s where we were.” He turned around and gave a sly grin. “Our overlook.”

I made a face but didn’t answer back. The view was beautiful, exactly as I remembered it.

I stepped toward Kaden, but before my toes could reach the edge of the ledge he took my shoulder and pulled me back a bit.

“I don’t trust you. You’ll end up falling off, or doing some other crazy thing.”

“Why would I?” I looked up at him. His expression was serious.

“The last time you flipped out, you wanted to pack all your things and move out,” he reminded me.

“And that’s why you think I would jump off a cliff?” I asked, surprised.

He shrugged. “That time you went into hysterics because of your exam. Since you took that exam again today, I’m ready for anything. You can be unpredictable.”

From up here the world seemed to stretch out forever. The heavens above us shone an intense midnight blue. Sitting down, I inhaled the fresh air and concentrated on how I was feeling, right here and now.

That was the key.

I’d come here to recapture this feeling. Thanks to that one moment when I forgot the world and felt nothing but freedom. Without thinking, I smiled. The longer I let this moment exist the less tense I felt. My negative thoughts faded one after the other, and even the knot in my stomach began to loosen.

“The exam was great,” I said after a while, without taking my eyes off the view. Though night had fallen, the lake was glittering down in the valley. I was sure I’d soon see the evening’s first star reflected in its surface.

“So you’re not going to throw yourself off this cliff? Or pack your stuff in a rage?” Kaden sat beside me. He leaned back on his arms and crossed his outstretched legs.

I shook my head, and my smile faded. “Thanksgiving’s around the corner. Scott, Dawn, and you … You all have plans. But I … ” I stopped and cleared my throat. “I don’t want to be the poor thing who spends the holidays all alone, just because I’m too proud to go home. Not that I could call it home. After all, you’ve met my mother.”

Kaden huffed. “Believe me, I couldn’t forget someone like that so fast.”

I let out a joyless laugh. “And even if I were to fly to Lincoln—what good would that do? Mom wouldn’t pay any attention to me anyway. She’ll be too busy playing the perfect hostess at her stupid gala. Dad will be involved in important conversations, and as usual he won’t have time for me—except to introduce me to one of his business partners … ” I blinked several times to get those images out of my mind. I didn’t want to think about the past. But I also knew that holding it in would make it harder for me to deal with it once and for all. I kept on losing this fight.

“You’re thinking too much, Bubbles,” said Kaden, and I looked at him. He was gazing at the sky. “You’re always obsessing over what others might be thinking, without ever thinking about what you want. Sometimes it’s really important to do what’s best for you.”

I sighed. “Believe me, I’d love to be like you.”

He raised an eyebrow.

“You don’t give a damn what others think. Hardly anything seems to shake you up.”

“You shake me up,” said Kaden without missing a beat. He didn’t seem to regret blurting this out. His gaze was fixed on me.

“The way the thing about Thanksgiving shakes me up?” I asked, confused.

Kaden considered my words, then shook his head. “No. You don’t scare me quite that much, Bubbles.”

A warmth spread through my entire body.

But I couldn’t stop thinking about Thanksgiving. “Do you think I’m making a mistake by not going to Lincoln?”

He chuckled and looked back over the valley. “Didn’t you hear me? Think about yourself for a change. Think about what you want. Not about your mother, not about your friends. The question is: What do you want to do over the holidays? Is there something you always wanted to do? Or do you just want just hang out and contaminate the apartment with your nasty glitter bombs? You can to whatever you want. It’s your life, Allie.”

I repeated his words in my mind, and internalized them.

After a while, I cleared my throat. “Don’t laugh, okay?”

“I can’t guarantee anything,” he answered, and I saw how the corners of his mouth were already beginning to twitch.

I rolled my eyes. At least he was honest. I shifted into a cross-legged position.