Begin Again (Again #1)(36)

Kaden leaned back on the sofa. “With Spencer.”

“How come?”

“The pizza’s getting cold.” He avoided looking at me, and reached for a napkin.

“How come?” I asked again and sat down on the opposite side of the sofa.

Kaden groaned. “Can’t we just leave it at that?”

“No.”

He raised an eyebrow. “You’re pretty sassy for someone who just got the best kiss of her life.”

“And you’re pretty full of yourself for an average kisser,” I shot back.

Kaden squinted at me, then stood up. “What did you just say?”

Before he could get any dumb ideas, I grabbed a slice of pizza from the table and bit into it. “I think you’re a mediocre kisser.”

Snorting, he sank back into the middle of the sofa. “I don’t believe you.”

I just shrugged and grinned with my mouth full. To be honest, I had felt Kaden’s kiss in every nook and cranny of my body. But I wasn’t about to let him know that.

We ate our pizza in silence.

“So, why did you want to leave?” Kaden asked after a while.

I stared at the wood grain of the table so I wouldn’t have to look at him. “Do we have to talk about it?”

“Yes. That’s the price of the pizza,” he said.

Now my ears pricked up. “So I don’t have to help pay for this if I tell you what’s up?”

“Exactly.” Kaden fixed his eyes on me.

“I failed my lit exam,” I admitted.

“If my escape instinct kicked in each time I failed an exam, I’d be halfway around the world by now,” he said, his mouth full of pizza.

I sniffed.

“Most people don’t pass Professor Falcony’s exam the first time around,” he continued, lifting his shoulders. “I didn’t either until the second try. So that’s not a legitimate reason to disappear without a trace.”

I pulled a long thread of cheese from my pizza slice and shoved it in my mouth.

“Would you have left without saying goodbye? Without letting me know?” His voice had become soft.

“I thought that … After Saturday night, you avoided me. I thought you wouldn’t want to have me around here anymore.”

“Why do you always expect the worst? I’m not such an asshole, either.” He didn’t sound reproachful, just surprised.

I raised my eyebrows.

“Okay, I can be an asshole. But … ” He paused and shook his head. Then he leaned back and rubbed his face.

“But what?” I frowned. “You stormed out of my room as if I’d tried to rape you.”

“You could never rape me, Bubbles.” He shook his head and grinned. “Anything you do to me would be fine.”

“You can’t say things like that and then insist on your stupid rules!” I exclaimed, frowning.

“I can do what I like. If I want to be suggestive, then I do it. If I want to go hiking with you, I do it. And if I want to kiss you,” he leaned in with one hand on either side of me, “then I will do that, too, dammit. They’re my rules.”

His nose was now only a few millimeters away from mine. I held my breath, but didn’t move back.

“And I decide who can kiss me, Kaden.” My voice was a bit throaty, but firm. “You can’t act like a cave man, using sexual favors to shut me up. That’s not how it works.”

For a split second, surprise flashed in his eyes. “I didn’t want to shut you up.”

“Yeah, right.”

He frowned. “I only wanted you to calm down. Your hysteria was freaking me out.”

I had to smile.

Kaden noticed it, relieved. Then his eyes wandered from my mouth back to my eyes. “Talk to me.”

“We are talking,” I retorted. My cheeks were growing hot, he was that close to me.

“Tell me what put that strong, positive-thinking young woman into such a panic. Come on, you like to talk. What’s stopping you now?”

My throat was dry as the desert. To avoid talking, I tried to take another bite of my pizza. But before I could, Kaden plucked it out of my hand and put it back on my plate.

“Allie.”

A shiver electrified my body. I couldn’t avoid his urgent gaze.

“What do you care?” I asked, barely audible.

Kaden tilted his head. “Don’t read too much into it. I just want to know what’s up with you.”

His insistent look told me loud and clear that I shouldn’t even bother trying to hide myself from him again, in whatever way I might’ve done.

“If it helps you to talk,” he murmured. “We’re kind of friends, aren’t we?”

I shrugged. “Kind of.”

“Okay! So friends talk to each other about stuff like this.”

I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. I couldn’t tell Kaden the real reason for my fear. I’d been silent for so long … It was as if I wasn’t able to tell the truth anymore.

My tongue felt heavy and my chest tight. I’d never told anyone before. Only mom knew the truth. And she’d forbade me from breathing a word about it. The longer I’d suppressed the truth, the higher the wall around my heart grew. Nothing and no one could penetrate it. And that included Kaden.