Begin Again (Again #1)(34)

Still, the apartment felt empty without Kaden.





Chapter 13


Kaden had been gone for two days. But in the morning I had seen him from a distance on his way to a seminar on campus.

“Did you see? The grades from the lit exam are in,” said Grace, who sat next to me in the Film and TV class. “I barely passed.” She wiped her forehead and grinned at us. Everyone took out their cell phones and logged into the university network.

Dawn shouted and hopped up and down beside me. “Thank God. I made it!”

I stared at my phone screen as the site loaded. Madison, sitting next to Grace, slumped down with relief. “Me, too.”

Scott groaned. “Failed.”

“Oh no, Scott.” Dawn patted his arm. “Don’t worry about it. You have two more chances.”

He stretched out his arms and laid his head on them. “Damn.”

I swallowed hard as I saw that the site had finished loading. I scrolled down.

Literature—fail.

A wave of disappointment overcame me, and I felt nauseated.

But then I felt the expectant glances of my classmates on me.

“And you, Allie?” Dawn ventured.

I cleared my throat and took a deep breath. I didn’t want to show how disappointed I was.

“I’m afraid we’re going to have to study together, Scott,” I said with a crooked grin.

Scott held out his hand for a high five.

“You’ve passed all the rest,” Grace said, encouragingly. “Right?”

I nodded. I had passed all the other exams.

Okay, the grades weren’t the best, but that was the case for many of my classmates, too.

“You see?” Dawn elbowed me in the side. “Then we’ll work on it together. You guys will make it.”

I nodded and forced out a smile.

The rest of the day, I brooded. I could hardly concentrate in my other classes, because two words were louder in my head than any others.

You failed.

If I couldn’t make it through the first semester, how could I finish my degree? I kept thinking about my mother. She would be thrilled about my failure. Not only because she could hit me over the head with a satisfied, “I told you so.” But mainly because she wanted me back in Lincoln by Thanksgiving at the latest.

I closed the apartment door and took off my shoes. As expected, Kaden wasn’t home.

Morose, I went into the kitchen and took the ice cream from the freezer. I stuck the scoop into the hard mass and dug out a large portion.

You’re letting yourself go, I heard the voice of my mother inside my head. I swallowed hard and slammed the ice cream container onto the counter.

It wasn’t just that my mother had found me … No. Now I was slipping into old behavior patterns. The emptiness inside me was back, and I didn’t know how to fill it. Only with Kaden did I feel like myself. But he hadn’t even looked my way for days.

A big lump formed in my throat.

Maybe Mom was right.

Maybe I’d made a huge mistake by moving. I could’ve had a good job with Dad’s company. He had contacts all over the world—maybe I could have lived abroad for a while. Instead, here I was in a shared apartment with a guy who hated me, and I’d failed a major exam, no less.

Was that the freedom for which I’d left home and moved to Woodshill?

Cut out this ridiculous rebellion.

As if hobbled, I walked toward my room and stood in the doorway.

The string lights, the throw blanket, the candles … I was just a stupid kid who’d just done what was forbidden for so long, without thinking about the consequences.

I let out a whimper, which grew into a growl. I entered the room with determination.

It had been a crazy idea. A failed experiment. Some things just couldn’t be escaped, no matter how hard you tried. If Mom wanted me to accept her fucking legacy, I had no choice. And probably I wouldn’t be able to become a teacher anyway, since I’d already failed an exam and my parents would be cutting off their financial support. What then?

My cheeks burning, I tore my suitcase out from behind the dresser and started shoveling my belongings into it. First my books and the perfume bottles from the shelf. Then I tore open the dresser drawers. Some of my clothes poured out on the floor. I cursed. The heat in me was building.

“What are you doing?”

I didn’t stop. Who cared if Kaden found it appropriate to talk with me again?

“What does it look like?” I shot back, without looking at him.

“You look like a madwoman tearing her room apart.”

I turned to glare at him.

“I’m packing.”

“What for?”

“I’m going home.” I managed to squeeze out the words, though I could hardly call Lincoln, Nebraska home. Not after I’d learned what it felt like to be happy somewhere.

“Why?” he probed, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

I had to pull myself together, not to yell at him. “Is this the Inquisition?”

He lifted his shoulders, and a smile twitched on his lips.

A fuse burned through in my brain. “I don’t know why you have to show up now of all times, when you’ve done everything in the past few days to avoid me.”

Now he grinned.