Before I Saw You(62)

‘Right, buddy, I have to run to my next appointment. You know where I am if you need me.’ He gave Alfie a gentle pat on the back then stood up to leave, pausing for a moment.

‘Thanks, Darren.’

The words were so small, but he knew Darren had heard them.

Another gentle pat and he was gone.





47


Alice





As she watched the doctor leave, Alice felt the urge to tell someone. To let someone know she’d made this decision and taken back control. The feeling of wanting to volunteer her news was a foreign one. For so long the only person she concerned with her business was herself. The act of sharing felt new and exciting. Just as she was about to turn to call for Alfie, she heard the familiar sounds of him going. The rustle of the bed sheets, the small groan as he prepared to lift himself up, and the solid noise of his prosthetic footsteps.

Where on earth is he going so early?

No matter. He’d be back, and until then she would just sit patiently and soak up the sounds around her. The sounds that hopefully she wouldn’t have to endure for very much longer.

I’m getting my life back.

This is the first step to getting my life back.

‘So it’s a pain au chocolat for the lady … of course …’ The voice of her best friend cut through the ward. ‘And I went wild with an almond croissant for the gentleman. Wait. Al, where’s Alfie?’ Sarah poked her head around Alice’s curtain.

‘No idea, he left quite early this morning.’ Alice shrugged her shoulders. ‘I’m sure he’s not gone far.’ She had more important things to discuss than Alfie’s whereabouts.

‘Yeah, true. In the meantime, I’m starving so I’m going to eat his croissant as punishment for being missing in action. Don’t tell him though, I can’t handle the stress of his moaning today.’ She’d already taken a bite before the sentence was finished.

‘Mr Warring came round this morning to talk about the surgery.’

‘Oh?’ Sarah paused, flakes of pastry hanging from her lips.

‘I’m going ahead with it. They’re scheduling a time as we speak. It’s actually happening, Sarah.’ The combination of relief and excitement made Alice’s stomach somersault with hope.

‘I’m so happy for you, Al.’ She wrapped her arms tightly around her. ‘I’m going to be scared shitless and worried about you from the moment you go under, but if it’s going to help you then I support you all the way.’ She nuzzled her face in closer.

‘Thank you.’

Sarah pulled back and faced her with a stern look in her eye. ‘Now, there’s something else we need to discuss …’

Jesus Christ, what more is there?

‘Tomorrow is my last day, and we need to celebrate in style. I don’t want any tears. We need to go out with a bang, OK?’

Shit. How could I have forgotten that?

Alice had been so wrapped up in everything else she had missed the fact her best friend was leaving so soon.

‘No. Enough of that.’ Sarah pulled her closer. ‘What did I just say, Al? We are going to celebrate tomorrow. No more sadness, please. I think we’ve both had our fair share of that.’

Alice managed a weak smile. ‘Sure.’

Why was it always the way that everything seemed to happen at once? As Alice lay in the arms of her friend, a thought struck her: was she going to be able to go through with the surgery without her? The decision had felt so easy a moment ago, but that was when she had Sarah by her side. Could she face putting herself through all of that stress alone?

You’re not alone.

You have Alfie.

Where was he anyway?

‘For someone so meticulous about this agenda, he’s not taking his duties very seriously today, is he? We need our Chief Entertainment Officer back – surely it’s nearly puzzle-book time, or something?’ Sarah was peering round the curtain into the empty bay next door. Alice managed to snatch a peek at where the voice came from every day. It felt extremely personal and a little too intimate. Glimpsing where he slept, laughed and cried next to her was the closest she’d probably ever come to seeing Alfie.

Maybe not, if the surgery goes well.

No. She couldn’t think like that right now. She didn’t want to pin all her hopes on this one operation bringing her back to life, but she had to admit a part of her wanted it to.

‘Oh hallelujah, here he comes!’

‘Sarah! Close the curtain.’ Alice grabbed the material from her friend’s hands and drew the tiny gap shut. There was no way in hell she was about to reveal even an inch of herself.

‘Sorry, I didn’t think.’

‘It’s fine, I just panicked.’ Alice knew she’d overreacted but the ferocity seemed to burst out of her. These days her emotions were free-falling, coming and going as they pleased, and she hadn’t quite got the hang of controlling them.

‘I know.’ Sarah kissed her hand. ‘Alfie! Where have you been? I was about to send the troops out looking for you, but then Alice reminded me you probably wouldn’t be able to get too far.’

He laughed. It sounded forced and flat. ‘No, unfortunately I’m not quite fit for a prison break scenario yet.’

He’d avoided the question. Alice knew better than to push it, so she adopted one of Alfie’s own techniques: distraction.