Before I Saw You(52)

‘It’s a deep and meaningful chat. You know, sharing is caring and all that.’

Alice couldn’t help but scoff. ‘Only you could plan for an emotional conversation.’

They hadn’t even started the schedule and she was nervous. She didn’t want to put a dampener on something he’d clearly spent a lot of time on, but she didn’t think anyone other than Alfie would have enough energy to complete this timetable; certainly not her.

‘So, as it’s the first day, I’ll choose the topic. I’m going for food.’

Alice let out a groan.

‘Wait, please don’t tell me you’re not a foodie? I had so much hope after the pasta, cheese and beans! Please don’t break my heart and reveal you only eat beige food like digestive biscuits and potato waffles?’

‘Try existing only on coffee and takeout sushi.’ She grimaced, knowing what was coming.

‘Oh, for Christ’s sake. Every day?’

‘Every glorious day. I took the decision to upgrade from my pasta dish when I got my first real job.’

‘Wow. You really did take a step up in the world, didn’t you?’

‘It hasn’t exactly worked in my favour. Why do you think it’s taken me so bloody long to recover? My body was made of caffeine and raw tuna.’

He laughed. ‘Now, isn’t that an attractive thought …’

She reached across with her unblemished hand and slapped him hard on the arm. Over time, their beds had seemed to grow closer and closer together. On some mornings, if the light shone just right, she could almost make out his silhouette lying next to her.

‘Fine. Well, this will be a short and very boring game then, won’t it! LET’S GO.’

She let out another groan.

‘Oh yes, my friend, we are still playing, don’t you worry about that. Remember, this is just the first activity – you’re going to need more enthusiasm if you’re going to last the whole day.’

She wasn’t sure it was enthusiasm she needed, more like a heavy dose of Valium.

‘OK. Pizza or pasta?’

‘Erm … my heart says pasta because, well, it kept me alive for a good four years, but then again pizza is so goddam good. You know what, for old times’ sake I’m saying pasta.’

‘Firstly, good answer. Secondly, this isn’t an opportunity for a monologue, Alice. You can’t think about it, it’s got to be instant!’

‘Give me a break, that was the first one. I bet you’re more competitive than your kids at school, aren’t you?’

‘Don’t start deflecting or distracting by asking me questions, Alice, I know your game. But yes, of course I am. The kids never stand a chance against me. Now, question two …’

And so it went, back and forth for a good half-hour, until Alfie finally agreed to let Alice ask some questions.

‘I’m not doing food because clearly I have no real knowledge of it. Ohhhh, I know. My category is people.’

‘People?’

‘Yeah, people.’

‘As in …’

‘Don’t start deflecting or distracting, Alfie. I give you two people and you choose one.’

‘Someone is feeling sassy today, I like it! Fine.’

‘OK, so.’ She paused. ‘I know. That TV presenter lady on This Morning … what’s her name … Holly Willoughby or—’

‘HOLLY.’

Alice couldn’t help but actually jump as he screamed the name.

‘Jesus Christ, I hadn’t even said anyone else.’

‘No one will ever be more important to me than Holly. Ever.’

Alice rolled her eyes. A petulant part of her wanted to say, ‘Even me?’ but she wasn’t quite ready to hear him say no.

‘Fine. OK. Maybe that was too easy … Nurse Angles or your mum?’

Alfie burst into laughter. ‘What kind of question is that?’

‘Well, I don’t know how to play your stupid game! You do one then.’

‘OK. Me or Sarah?’

‘You.’

Oh.

Shit.

Laughter erupted from behind the curtain.

Shit. Shit. Shitting shit.

Alice buried her face in her pillow, desperate to erase that last minute of her life.

‘Well, well, well! Me? Oh. My. God. You picked me? I mean, I can’t believe it. Luckily for you Sarah isn’t here yet … but just you wait till I tell her.’ He paused and Alice could tell he wasn’t done yet. ‘ME! I want to shout it from the rooftops. You picked ME!’

‘Argggggh,’ was all she could muster out loud.

Obviously she didn’t mean him.

She was caught off guard and he was the first option.

Surely there was some science to say you’d always pick the first option?

‘Don’t be shy about it now, Alice, you’re the one who said it. It’s always important to be honest about how you feel.’

He was going to be absolutely insufferable.

Why wasn’t this bed swallowing her up?

‘Will you just leave it, Alfie? Jesus, grow up!’ She spat the words out, surprised by her own anger.

Where had that come from? Alice felt like a child who’d had her diary read out loud in all its embarrassing detail. But this wasn’t embarrassing, surely? This was just a stupid game, and a stupid mistaken answer.