Be a Doll(76)
His humorless laugh reached my ears and my stomach tightened at the throaty sound.
“I’m full of shit, Lila. You were right not listening to me and telling me to go to hell.’’
“Open the door, Mathis,’’ I said again, this time louder. It didn’t sound like him to show remorse. Worry filled me as I remembered how truly broken he looked after the altercation with his father last Sunday. He might be thirty-two-years-old and had never needed someone when he holed up in his office, but I was here now. I couldn’t turn my back on a man who hadn’t done anything to me but be an entitled ass. That wasn’t a crime.
“Leave. Me. Alone. I’m used to having my own damn space, Lila. I want that fucking space right now.’’
“Why?’’ I asked, my left hand closing around the doorknob without turning it. Anger surged inside me, killing off the worry I felt seconds before. That man made me feel too many emotions at once, rendering me a mess of feelings I had a hard time following or understanding. “Do you always find the need to hide when you feel emotions, Mathis? Does it bother you that much to be seen as something other than cold and distant?’’
“Don’t start with me,’’ he retorted, moving again and this time, it sounded like he was getting up, but he didn’t unlock the door.
“It’s not nice when someone uncovers the truth, right?’’
“Shit!’’ He opened the door at once, startling me when the doorknob left my hand with no warning. He was seething. His nostrils flared, his dark eyes sent daggers my way while his bare chest heaved from his hard breathing. He was still wearing only his underwear and even when his cock wasn’t hard his crotch was something to be seen. “What do you want, woman? You should be upstairs getting your beauty sleep after the mad sex we had.’’
I frowned and crossed my arms over my braless chest and for once I didn’t care using such a defensive position. We were both past pretenses here. “Oh come on! Just one orgasm isn’t going to put me to sleep. Don’t flatter yourself.’’
“Is that a challenge?’’
His cocky smirk made an appearance then. I shook my head and glared harder at him, but he didn’t move one inch. He still had one hand on the door and the other against the wall as if to keep me from walking in the office. That was probably his intent.
“You’re really good at pushing people away and hiding behind that smirking front or cold behavior depending on the situation.’’ I stared at him from his head down to his feet and I would lie if I said that staring at his mostly bare body didn’t do something to me, but it wasn’t what was first on my mind and my annoyance at him was too strong to let myself be swayed by his sexy body and muscles galore. “When are you going to stop this?’’ His silence was a dare for me to go farther, unless it was a warning not to, but I didn’t heed either one. “You hurt your mother. Your sister is begging for any kind of attention from you and you have everything everybody would love to have.’’
The muscles in his arms bunched. “I have everything?’’ His humorless laugh drew out a shiver along my spine and I tightened my arms in front of me, shy of hugging myself in comfort or reassurance. “My better fucking half died in the ocean because of me!’’ His loud voice cracked through the night. “All of this,’’ he gestured around with an arm, releasing his grip on the door, “it should be my brother’s. I had no interest in business before he died, only in having fun and slacking off at school. I didn’t give a damn about the money or the power or the damn monkey suits.’’ His labored breathing sounded painful to my ears and my heart lurched in my chest at the pain I heard in his voice and at seeing his big body trembling. “I didn’t care about having a desk job, didn’t want a wife with manners to show off to business dinners. I didn’t care about being the fucking shit at work because all I wanted was my damn family and to laugh and have fun! I only wanted a laid back life and I know that if Max hadn’t died, that’s exactly what I would have. I wouldn’t be Mathis Grimes, CEO of GM Enterprises, business mogul and cold-hearted asshole.’’ He ran a hand through his hair in distress and he shook so much I took a step toward him, but he stepped back and shook his head, his eyes hard on me, but also empty. “Max would have been a fantastic business man,’’ he went on, this time with a calmer voice. “He was a straight A student, he loved studying and was fascinated with business. He wanted to work with our father and get an apartment overlooking Central Park one day. He wanted to be married to a nice wife with the best education, probably someone quiet and not necessarily the heart of the party. He would have made both our parents proud.’’
“Mathis…’’ I whispered his name as the realization of the meaning of his words hit me, making it impossible to say anything more.
His whole life was Max’s. He lead his dead twin brother’s life, or what he believed Max’s life would have been if he hadn’t died that summer day while surfing at thirteen. That man tortured himself on a daily basis, without a doubt trying to make his family proud like he thought they would have been if all his achievements were Max’s because he believed that he shouldn’t be the alive twin.
“Don’t say a word,’’ he blurted and suddenly turned around, breathing even louder and faster as if he couldn’t inhale enough air. I knew the signs of a panic attack from witnessing a woman from Carter Manor having a few the first two months after her arrival and Mathis’ way of hyperventilating, the way his muscles flexed without relaxing, the way perspiration made his skin glow in the dimly lit office, I knew he was heading into a nasty panic attack.