Be a Doll(78)

I dropped into my desk chair and ignored the view over the city. Usually I reveled in it by feeding that part of me that thought that being powerful and influential was what I needed to do, to be. Today, being an egotistical businessman wasn’t appealing. In fact, if I could, I’d get out of this tower to go somewhere, anywhere away from this life, my life for a little while.

Lila tilted my world, my very carefully built world, shaking it to its foundations and leaving behind a ruin with cracks in all of its half torn down walls.

“Sir?’’

I looked to the threshold of my office and saw Jonatan with a steaming cup of coffee in his hand and my usual newspapers in the other.

“Come in,’’ I said and rubbed at my aching temple, silently cursing myself for spending too many hours drinking and then crashing at the desk in my office at home. The only moment I caught sight of Lila was when I walked in the bathroom to shower and she was asleep, or maybe pretending to be asleep. I didn’t linger long enough to check.

My assistant put my coffee and newspapers on the desk, but I didn’t make a move to touch anything. I merely stared at the items and then at Jonatan, catching his frown before he schooled his expression.

“I heard back from Mr. Tober’s assistant this morning. You have a dinner set for tomorrow night. I added it to your agenda.’’

“Good,’’ I forced out and nodded when just yesterday I’d have been arrogantly pleased, I felt nothing at all right now. I shook my head and straightened up in my chair, reaching for the coffee with the hope it’d chase away the fog left by the bourbon and the headache. “Call Per Se and get a table for three.’’

“On it, Mr. Grimes.’’ Jonatan left and closed the door without me asking. The man had worked for me with long enough to know when I needed my peace. Also, I probably looked like shit today and with my luck, rumors regarding a rough patch in my marriage would be running around the office. If only that was all that it was.

I took a sip of coffee and sighed when the hot liquid went down my throat, warming me from the inside when all I felt was cold. I got my phone and quickly typed a text for Lila to let her know of our plans for tomorrow night, but I didn’t get an answer. I wasn’t surprised. I had no idea of where we were standing now.

I should have chosen another woman at Carter Manor. I should have because then I’d still be in one piece, I still would be the master of my own damn universe, I wouldn’t be distracted by a woman who saw way too much of me and who owned me just like I owned her.

But the fact remained, her fire, her strength, fascinated me and for that alone I couldn’t fully regret my choice.

Lila was my wife, the only choice I ever made for me, and me alone. Picking a wife had been for business and to a certain extent something I did for my mother because I knew she’d already have had a daughter-in-law with Max had he been alive, but the type of woman I picked wasn’t one Max would have gone for. I was positive.

At thinking of my mother I remembered what Lila said and how I hurt my mother without noticing. I held her at arm’s length and I didn’t see myself changing, but apologizing to her properly was something I could do. She deserved better than to be stuck with a split family who couldn’t show her the kind of respect she was entitled to.

With my cell still in hand I quickly located her phone number and pressed call.

“Mathis?’’ she asked with a thick French accent I knew came when stressed or concerned. Or angry. “Is everything all right?’’

“Hello, Mom. Everything is fine,’’ I replied and cringed at using the word ‘fine’ to describe the mess that my life had turned into in a matter of days. “I was calling to ask if you have time for lunch today.’’

“Lunch?’’ The disbelief in her tone made me frown. Had I been so difficult and distant that offering lunch with my mother was so odd and surprising? It appeared so and in all truth, I couldn’t remember the last time I initiated spending time with her.

“I don’t have a lot of time, but—‘’

“No, it’s fine, mon gar?on. Where do you want to meet?’’

“You can pick as long as it’s close by my office. Send me a text and I’ll meet you there at noon.’’ Silence greeted my ears. “Mom?’’

“Merci, Mathis.’’ Her trembling voice awakened the ache I had chased away from my chest. “See you later.’’

And she disconnected, but not before I heard her sniffle, a clue as to her emotional state. All because of me. My mother had always been the most important woman in my life, along with Megan, but I didn’t know how to treat women anymore. I didn’t know how to treat people or be around people to create some emotional connection with them.

I put down my phone and turned on my computer, ready to lose myself to work, quite literally. At least, when I worked alone in my office I didn’t have to wonder who I would have been if Max was still alive, and the weight of leading a life I thought Max would have didn’t seem as heavy because I wasn’t thinking about anything but work, numbers, reports and ideas for future business endeavors.

***





LILA


“Thank you again for meeting me for coffee,’’ Megan said, her smile weak and tired.

Her usually bright green eyes were dull and makeup hadn’t been able to fully hide the rings under them. It clued me in that she probably hadn’t had much sleep the night before and it didn’t look like it was because her date went exceptionally well.