Be a Doll(104)

“What we want or need to be happy changes, mon gar?on. Maybe what she truly needs and wants is someone to love her, all of her.’’

I heard the chair she occupied scratch on the floor and her heels clacking as she rounded my desk to get to me. She put a shaking hand on my tense shoulder before grabbing the wrist of my hand still hiding my face. Gently, she pried it away and waited for me to open my eyes. I did after taking a deep breath, hoping that the glazed look in my eyes wasn’t too obvious, but one look in my mother’s eyes and I knew I couldn’t hide the depth of my pain.

“She didn’t put up a fight, Mom. She immediately packed her things and left.’’

“And I’m sure you didn’t show her how it broke you to do this.’’

“It’s different.’’ I raked a hand through my hair and cringed when I felt the mess there. I hadn’t bothered taking care of my hair either that morning. “I didn’t think it’d hurt quite like this.’’

“I know.’’ She caressed my beard-covered cheek and leaned down to kiss my forehead, just like she used to do it when I was a kid and ill. “Don’t make the mistake of letting her go if you think your life could be better with her in it than it would be without her. You made the decision of ending this marriage, but if you truly want to give her her freedom, open your heart to her and let her make her choice. No matter what, I’ll be there for you, Mathis. Always.’’

“I can’t, Mom.’’ I shook my head and looked away, my eyes getting lost in the buildings outside, but without truly seeing them. “She’ll be happier without me in her life.’’

She shook her head in disappointment and left without another word as I kept staring outside, at the city where the woman who breathed feelings inside of me wasn’t.

***





LILA


“Mrs. Grimes!’’

I stopped in the lobby of the small inn I was staying at, frozen to my bones. Mrs. Grimes.

I turned to look at the front desk where a gentleman probably in his late twenties or early thirties smiled openly in a professional manner that didn’t feel all that forced. Slowly, I walked to him.

“A gentleman brought your cell phone back here.’’ He produced my phone on the counter, unscathed. “You’re lucky someone saw you dropping it just outside of the inn.’’

I blinked at the device mocking me on the counter, my face reflecting on the screen. I didn’t make a move to pick it up. My heart hammered at the possibility of who could have brought it back. It could only mean someone who knew where I was staying because I didn’t accidentally drop my phone outside of the inn, but in a trashcan at a park nearby.

“What did this man look like?’’

The receptionist’s brows briefly furrowed before smoothing out again. His smile didn’t disappear. “Tall, built with thinning blonde hair and—‘’

“Thank you,’’ I stopped him, snatching the phone from the counter and mustering up a fake smile for the man in front of me when my heart plummeted after soaring at the silly idea that it could have been Mathis. What a joke. “I’m sorry. I’m a little out of it today,’’ I said in apology and quickly left for the elevator before I could pass as more of a freak as I already was.

My hand tightly held my phone in my pocket, sad that Mathis wasn’t the one who got my phone back and angry at myself for even wanting him to be the one to be here in Boston for me. As if he would go to this trouble after getting me out of his life at the first chance he had.

I pushed the button to the third level and when the door closed, the question as to who could be following me bugged me so much so that it distracted me briefly of the throbbing pain ever present inside of me.

It could only be someone who knew me, someone who followed me.

I closed my eyes when it hit me.

The man in charge of following me, my bodyguard from New York had followed me here and was still checking up on me. Did that mean that Mathis still got updates on me? My stomach fluttered at the thought that some of the things linking us together weren’t all severed yet.

Not long ago I had been pissed that Mathis had hired someone to make sure I was safe, but now it warmed me so much that for the first time since I had left New York I didn’t feel cold.

It was good to know that even if he didn’t want me in his life, he cared enough to make sure I was safe. To me, it made a difference.

In my room, I turned on my phone and quickly unlocked it, hoping I’d find a message, a text, anything, but there was nothing but two missed calls from Sylvie and Megan. My eyes watered immediately, reminding me that my heart was very much broken, no matter the kind of silly, stupid things I thought about to make me believe that Mathis hadn’t played me from start to finish.





MATHIS


I stared at the empty carafe on the coffee table and the tumbler equally empty next to it. Everything danced in my line of sight, just enough to numb the worst of the pain that constantly plagued me.

Alcohol was mandatory today as it officially marked the two-week anniversary of my ‘break up’ with Lila. I snorted at myself, sprawled on the couch with my legs parted and my hands clenched at my sides while my eyes kept on fixing the carafe and tumbler hoping it’d replenish them with bourbon again.