Be a Doll(100)

“Come in.’’

I frowned a second at Mathis’ voice, so reminiscent to the detached tone he used a few days ago. I opened the door and found him at his desk, laptop on in front of him and his hands hidden under the desk.

“Hard at work again?’’

“When you run an empire it never stops.’’ He leaned back in his desk chair, his dark eyes on me but impossible to read.

My stomach fluttered, but it had nothing to do with how he could make my blood run hot in a matter of seconds, and everything to do with the unexplainable fear of getting hurt that invaded me until I lost all sensation in my legs. A warning glared in my mind, difficult to ignore.

He cleared his throat and let his eyes take me in from the top of my head with my hair in a ponytail to my feet clad in heeled boots. “How’s my sister?’’

I stepped closer to his desk and gripped the back of the armchair facing his desk. “She’s fine. She’ll get better and move on with time.’’

My throat closed in on itself. I knew something was coming, but I didn’t know what and I had no idea how to protect myself. When I was going from foster home to foster home I knew how to protect myself against all kinds of bad things. When I was in the streets, I knew how to get away from danger. When I ended up at Carter Manor, I knew that to protect myself I had to play by the rules and bend them when I could. But here? Now? I had no idea what awaited me.

“Good.’’ He pointed at the armchair I was gripping. “Take a seat. There’s something I’d like to discuss with you.’’

“What is it?’’ I asked, rounding the armchair and sitting with less grace than I had been taught at Carter Manor. My whole body was uncoordinated from lack of sensation in my limbs and tingles coursing through me, the kind of tingles that came from dread rather than lust or pleasure. “You seem…’’ I trailed off then, failing to find the right word to describe him and what appeared to be a few steps taken to revert back to the man I had first met and misjudged.

“Nothing for you to worry about, Lila. I can assure you it’ll benefit you greatly.’’ He closed the lid of his laptop and dropped his hands back to his lap.

“Benefit me?’’

“Yes.’’ His frown deepened and suddenly it was like he was looking through me, as if the distance lengthened. “Our marriage was able to convince Tober a lot quicker than expected and it also threw Hartmann off his game in my favor.’’

“It’s a good thing, isn’t it?’’

“Without a doubt and it also means that we will be able to break off our arrangement sooner than the five years written in our contract.’’

My ears started to buzz as if my body itself was trying to protect me from his next words. I was aware of where he was going and now fear wasn’t the predominant feeling screaming inside of me, it was pain. “Are you saying that you’re going to file for a divorce?’’

“First thing on Monday.’’ He stood up then and went to the window. His big body clad in his usual suit was imposing in the late morning light and I couldn’t look away. I craved to see his face, but at the same time I was grateful that his back was to me instead. That way, he wouldn’t see the stricken expression my face was frozen in and the way my lips trembled. “You’ve been of great help, Lila. I wasn’t expecting things to turn quite like this so fast and considering I’m the one breaking our contract you’ll receive your ten million. I’ll also buy the property of your choice to help you settle down considering I never took the time to buy other properties unless it was for development purposes.’’

“Wait, wait!’’ I blurted out, voice shaking enough to betray my lack of composure. “Mr. Tober won’t take it well if we divorce now. He won’t let you buy his company, Mathis.’’

“He gave me his word and he’s an old-fashioned man.’’ He sounded distracted, almost dismissive as if the purpose of this talk had been met and he wouldn’t bore himself in faking further interest.

“That’s it then,’’ I whispered this time, my strength and surprise ebbing off to leave behind such a deep pain and humiliation that it became hard to move my lips to utter these few words.

How could I have been so stupid and let myself believe that something was happening or that the sex we had meant something, that it was starting to be something more? How could I have discarded that even if a part of Mathis Grimes was soft and caring and so different from the cold-hearted bastard I had first met, the cold-hearted bastard was still a part of him?

I hated myself for letting myself be swept in who Mathis was underneath it all.

I hated that I wasn’t able to protect myself.

I hated that it hurt to get a divorce when it was exactly what I had wanted in the first place.

I hated knowing that I would be all alone again.

But most of all, I hated thinking of Mathis pushing me out of his life as if I meant nothing so he could go back to his old ways and sleep with women he didn’t care about.

I put a hand over my chest where my heart beat hard and painfully, drilling home the pain that made my whole being to my very soul ache.

I was nothing more than a hired wife. Nothing but a tool to further his empire. Nothing but a blip on his radar that gave him some room to breathe through the cracks appearing in his carefully constructed life, chosen especially as a morbid and unhealthy tribute to his twin brother. What a reminder.