Just One Year(49)

I slipped my hand under the table and found his. He looped his fingers with mine and squeezed. We held hands for the remainder of our time at the restaurant.

I didn’t know if Caleb’s admission changed anything, but as we walked around Harvard Square that night, I was in sort of a daze, still thinking about what he’d said at the restaurant.

It was close to eleven by the time Caleb and I caught the train and then transferred to the trolley that would take us home.

There were plenty of seats, but Caleb chose to stand in the corner, so I stood across from him rather than sit. We stared at each other more blatantly than usual. His eyes looked almost pained, displaying the conflict swirling around in his mind.

“I want to kiss you so badly right now,” he finally whispered.

I gripped his shirt as we swayed from the motion of the train. As I looked up at him, I silently begged for him to give in to his need. He leaned in and let out a frustrated breath before taking my mouth with his. Grabbing his shirt for balance, I felt my legs go weak as I succumbed to his lips. Our tongues collided, and our bodies pressed together. His hands were buried in my hair, which was probably the only thing keeping me from collapsing into a pile of mush on the trolley floor.

His hands left my hair and slid down my back, landing on my ass. The muscles between my legs pulsated as I felt his erection pressed against me through his jeans. I’d never been more turned on in my life. My panties were already wet. The way he worked his tongue around my mouth made me wonder what else he could do with it. And that only made me wetter.

“You’re driving me mad, Teagan,” he spoke over my lips.

I pushed my mouth against his, eager to taste even more of him, if that were possible. The heat of his breath, the feel of his body against mine was almost too much to bear.

A half-hour must have passed before we realized we’d completely missed our stop. We wound up at the end of the trolley line just as the conductor announced that it was the last car of the night. So we couldn’t even take it back the other way.

“I’ve taken things too far in more ways than one tonight,” Caleb said with a laugh.

After we got off the trolley, I wasn’t even sure where we were. We sat together on a nearby park bench and held hands, looking up at the stars.

Maura texted to make sure I was okay, and I told her I was safe with Caleb. She didn’t ask anything more than that.

Caleb noticed me looking down at my phone. “Was that Maura?”

“Yeah. I told her I was with you and I was safe.”

He shook his head at the night sky. “She’s gonna hate me.”

“That’s not true. She loves you.” I might love you, too.

I moved to straddle him on the bench, and he adjusted so he was no longer pressing into me. But I could still feel how hard he was between my legs.

He buried his face in my neck and whispered over my skin, “I’ve never felt this way about anyone, Teagan.”

His words touched my heart. “Neither have I,” I panted, kissing his neck.

He pushed me back a bit so he could look at me. “I’m terrified of these next several weeks. I’ve tried so hard not to fall for you. But the harder I try to avoid it, the worse it is.”

I moved down off of him, opting to sit next to him, and I placed my head on his shoulder.

“I miss being alone with you,” I said. “Studying with you in my room, late night chats—all because you’re avoiding the possibility that we’ll cross the line. But in the meantime, we’re losing precious time together before you leave.” I turned to him and placed my hands around his face, bringing his eyes to mine. “I’m not gonna break, you know. Even if we lose control, I’ll be okay.”

He placed his hands over mine, lowering them to his lap. “How can you possibly say that? Are you really that strong? Because I know I will not fucking be okay, Teagan.”

I felt sick. “At this point, I’m already going to be crushed when you leave. I’ve been falling for you for a very long time, even back when you were with Veronica.”

“Yeah?” He smiled, seeming a bit surprised.

“Yes.”

“I never considered staying for her. But for you, I want to stay forever. Before my mother told me about my father’s relapse, I went to the school to see if there was a way I could extend my stay. But they told me it wasn’t possible, that the program is only meant to be for one year. They confirmed that I have to go back.”

“I didn’t know you did that.”

“Well, even if they had told me I could stay, I’d likely have to go back now. I can’t leave my mother to deal with that alone.” He blew out a long breath. “It just sucks.”

Laying my head on his shoulder again, I said, “It does.”

“I want to stay here. Please understand that.”

“I know,” I whispered.

“I don’t want to stay away from you anymore. But we can’t sleep together. Alright? I have to draw a line somewhere. But I’m done avoiding you. I want to spend all the free time I have left with you. And I want to kiss the hell out of you every chance I get.”

I looked up at him and smiled. “It’s a deal.”

We fell into another kiss on that park bench and stayed there for at least an hour. We eventually called an Uber to take us home.