Just One Year(46)

“Good to know.” She grinned. “I guess I have a lot of catching up to do.”

“No, no, no, no, you don’t.” The thought of her “catching up” made me ill. “But I am curious as to why there was never anyone else after the hymen breaker.”

Teagan stared off. “I’ve had a tendency to choose people I know I’m not going to lose my mind over. That ensures I never really get hurt. But in turn, I’m not attracted enough to anyone to sleep with him. It’s a fucked-up result of my background—somehow not wanting to be like my deadbeat mother, or worse, end up hurt like my father. I’ve fucked up every halfway normal relationship I’ve ever had because I wasn’t attracted to the person. And I’ve always shied away from people I am sexually attracted to.” She blinked a few times. “Guys like you.”

Shit. I tried to make light of it, though I was freaking out inside. “I make it hard to avoid me.”

“That’s the difference. I don’t want to avoid you. You make me feel safe, Caleb—like I could let myself go with you, like you wouldn’t judge me if I took a chance and fucked it all up.” Teagan rolled her eyes to the ceiling. “I can’t believe I’m admitting all this.”

Her secrets were like a drug. She’d given me a little something, and I wanted more. Needed more.

My voice was gruff. “Don’t be afraid to tell me what you’re thinking. I want to know everything, even if I can’t do anything about it.” I leaned in closer to her on the bed. “I love when you open up to me, tell me things you don’t tell anyone else. We’ve told each other some major secrets. And I think our mutual attraction might be the biggest secret we’ve kept from each other.”

She nodded. “I’m losing my mind a little when it comes to you, Caleb. That’s the truth. You make me feel all the things I try not to. Emotional things. Sexual things. I just feel so much. That’s something I’ve always worked hard to avoid.”

I let my thoughts escape me. “I feel it, too, Teagan. Every damn thing.”

“So what now?” she asked. “What do we do with this?”

That’s the question. “I don’t know.”

Sadness washed across her face, and she looked away.

“Look at me,” I insisted. “Let me explain.” I paused. “With you…it’s so much more than a sexual attraction. I admire you and have so much fucking respect for you. I know how rare it is for you to open up to someone, to give your heart to them. I can’t imagine letting you give any part of yourself to me because I’m leaving in a few months—not your heart or your body. It’s not fair. So I’ve felt like I needed to resist what’s happening between us with all of my might.” My control was slipping away. “The thing is, I don’t know if that’s realistic. Because as quickly as three months will fly by, it’s also an eternity when every second I can’t kiss you feels like torture.”

Her chest rose and fell. The next thing I knew, she’d leaned in and her lips were on mine—wet, plump, beautiful lips that tasted sweeter than sugar, the lips I’d fantasized about for so damn long. And now her hands were raking through my hair.

Groaning into her mouth, I let go, inhaling every bit of her taste, no longer caring about anything but this moment. Then again, I would’ve told myself anything just to be able to continue. As long as you don’t fuck her, Caleb, everything will be okay. What harm will kissing her do? Kissing never killed anyone. What’s the danger in touching her, tasting her? I was lying to myself, but I didn’t give a shite right about now. Not a single bit, now that I knew what this felt like.

Pushing my tongue deeper into her mouth, I couldn’t get enough. I needed to taste every inch of her. That thought made me worried that her family might walk in on us. But that wasn’t enough of a reason to pull back.

Threading my hands through her hair, I realized firsthand just how much of it she had. I wanted to bury my face in it. I wanted to bury my face in a lot of places right now. Whenever I’d slow the pace of our kiss, Teagan would moan and speed up, as if to tell me I’d better not stop. So I’d kiss her faster and thrust my tongue harder. I did with my mouth what I wished I could with my body. This would have to be the limit.

No sooner than I’d had that thought, I found myself on top of her, pinning her beneath me as our kiss grew even deeper, more intense. My cock was so hard, it felt like it might break in half. Teagan’s moans of pleasure were causing me to lose my mind.

Then her leg accidentally hit the end table. The noise scared the living crap out of me, because for a second, I thought someone had walked in. That was enough to force me up to lock the door. Not sure how we would explain the door being locked if someone came down, but it was better than getting caught.

As I returned to the bed, my dick stuck straight up through my gray joggers, still harder than a fucking rock. Teagan’s eyes were fixed firmly on my groin, and that certainly wasn’t helping the situation. Whatever it was we were doing, I was determined to keep my dick in my pants—where it belonged until I got back to England.

Teagan panted, looking hungry for me. As much as I wanted to resume devouring her lips—and move on to other things—that near-miss was a wake-up call. What if it had been Maura? She and her husband had been so good to me, opening their home and making me feel like part of their family. And this was how I thanked them? By messing around with their daughter? I needed to take a step back.