Just One Year(48)

“You don’t have to do that.”

“You’re shivering. Of course I do.”

“But now you’ll be cold yourself.”

“I’ll buy something at one of those stands in Cambridge. Maybe a sweatshirt that says Harvard on it so people will think I’m an Ivy Leaguer.”

Should I tell him? “I got into Harvard.”

He shook his head with a smile. “That doesn’t surprise me one bit. You’re a genius. Why didn’t you go?”

“The marine biology program at Northern was a better fit for me. Plus, I didn’t get any financial aid and would’ve had to live there. It was just too expensive. In the end, I made the most practical decision.”

“Still damn impressive to be able to say you got in.” He pulled the drawstrings of the hoodie I was now wearing. “One of the things I admire about you is that you know what you want, and you don’t make decisions just because they seem right on paper. You go with your gut and your passion. You’ve always known you wanted to be a marine biologist, even though it may not be a common choice. I envy that.”

Go with your gut. His words were ironic, because they reminded me of how I felt about him. He was leaving, and he wasn’t right for me on paper, yet every moment I was with him felt right, despite the odds stacked against us.

“You’ll figure out what you want to do,” I told him. “So many people change their minds after college, and many don’t end up using their degrees for their chosen career.”

He laughed. “You always have a way of making me feel better when I’m feeling like a fuck up. How do you do that?”

I shook my head. “You’re not a fuck up. Before you came, I barely left my room. You made me want to come out and live. I’d say you’re a pretty good influence.”

“Can’t say I’ve ever been called a good influence before. Usually it’s the opposite.” He stared at me long and hard. “I need more fucking time here,” he whispered. “But if I had that, it would only be harder to go.”

I understood that to my core.

The trolley arrived, interrupting our conversation. There were no seats, and it was pretty crowded, which made sense since it was a sunny day. That meant more people would be traveling into the city to enjoy the nice weather.

As we stood together in a corner of the car, I remembered again my plan to buy his cologne after he left and spray it on my sheets. At one point, the trolley stopped short, sending me right into his chest. He held me there for a moment, placing his hand firmly on my back, right over my bra strap. Those seconds in his arms felt incredible. I looked up, and he looked down at me. The sexual tension between us was particularly high today.

Please kiss me.

But he didn’t.

After he let go of me, even though the moment had passed, the ache of longing remained in my chest.

***

Once we got to Harvard Square, Caleb did as he’d promised, purchasing a Harvard hoodie, although apparently it wasn’t for him; it was for me.

“You’re the one who should be wearing this proudly. The girl who turned Harvard down. Badass.”

Though I appreciated the gesture, I was reluctant to part with my current Caleb-scented hoodie. But when he handed it to me, I put on the new white and burgundy one with the Harvard logo.

He zipped it up, his long, gorgeous fingers grazing my chest like electric shocks.

“It looks good on you,” he said.

We met Archie and Angela at a Chinese restaurant in Harvard Square. I knew Archie was coming to the end of his three-month stay in Boston, and given my vested interest in such matters, I was curious about what his leaving might mean for them.

Archie and Caleb shared a Scorpion bowl, and I sipped a Coke. Angela had a glass of white wine.

As we waited for our food, I finally garnered the courage to ask her. “So, I know Archie’s leaving soon. What are you two gonna do?”

Angela brushed her long black hair to the side and seemed to shrug the whole thing off. “We’ll play it by ear. We don’t know if it’s going to work long-distance, but I’d like to try.” She looked over at Caleb and back at me. “What about you two?”

I felt flushed. “Oh…we’re not together.” I glanced at Caleb nervously.

“Are you kidding?” She turned to Archie. “I thought you said they were dating.”

“No, I said Caleb wanted her.”

I swore I heard a record screeching.

She cringed. “Sorry. You guys are just so cute together. And the way you look at each other... I assumed...”

I wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol going to his head or what, but rather than ignore her comment, Caleb decided to address it head on.

“You’re right, Angela. I’ve made no secret of my feelings toward Teagan. Every moment we’re together, I’m trying harder not to want her. But I made a decision not to do anything about it, because I’m leaving soon. She’s aware of that.”

I was formulating my response when he added, “But many days—especially today—I feel like saying fuck it, because...” He turned to meet my gaze. “Well, look at her.”

My entire body filled with heat as I stared into his eyes, wanting him.

She sighed. “Wow. Repressed feelings are so hot. I’d put my money on you losing the battle, Caleb.”