Indefinite (Salvation #6)(7)

“Your Aunt Donna and her family, but I’m not sure if your cousins are coming. They’ve been so busy with work.”

I count the seats again. “Okay, but that still leaves three more even if Vinny and the boys don’t come.”

She nods. “You never know if someone will pop in.”

Here we go. My mother . . . the matchmaker. “Mom, who else did you invite?”

“No one, Ashton.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Oh, fine.” She huffs. “I invited some of the ladies from church, but I doubt they’ll come.”

I toss my head back, groaning at the ceiling. “And their sons?”

She stirs the sauce, ignoring me.

“Mom?”

“I don’t know if they’ll bring their sons.”

“Why do you do this to me? I don’t want to date anyone!”

“Because your mother loves you and wants you to know what it’s like to be euphorically happy in a marriage,” Dad says and then kisses my temple. “Like I make her.”

I laugh. “Right. You’re such a peach.”

Mom scoffs. “Yeah, a rotten one.”

He walks over to my mother, wrapping her in his arms and putting his nose in her hair. It makes me want to cry. They have a love like I can only dream of.

“You love me,” he says softly.

She leans back, almost as if she can’t stop herself. “I do.” After a moment, she taps his hands. “Now, let me cook. Go talk to your daughter and find out what trouble she’s gotten into this week.”

Daddy tilts his head to the side, letting me know we can go to the den to chat.

“So, what’s new?”

“Nothing much.” I give him the same answer weekly. I could tell him that I’m going to have a baby, but . . . I haven’t had any alcohol, and I need to be drunk or already knocked up for that one. That means he won’t find out until after I’m actually pregnant.

He will never understand. As wonderful as my father is, he believes you get married and then have babies. To him, the idea that women can go in, get knocked up, and never see or meet the guy they’re procreating with is insane. I’ve listened to it for years, and we’ve gotten heated a few times.

It’s better to be with child, he surely wouldn’t kill me then.

“Work good?”

“Yup.”

“Good. You have no plans to move back to Jersey?”

I let out a low laugh. “No. Definitely not.”

“Fine, fine. Just makes your mother nervous because her little girl is alone in the city.”

Yeah, I’m sure my mother is truly broken over it. He and I know who the anxious one is, but I let him have his secret. “I’m sure Mom understands that it’s best for me.”

“Why is that, Ashton?”

“Because I work there, and I need to be away from the circus that resides within these walls.”

He shakes his head with a smile. “You were always the independent one in this family. Your cousins wanted to play games, but you wanted to play solitaire. It’s not a surprise you wanted to move away.”

“Move away? Daddy, I live less than thirty minutes from your house. Catherine moved away. Gretchen moved away. I moved to Brooklyn.”

“And you’ll follow them when Quinn comes back.”

“That’s never going to happen.”

My father loves Quinn. He would sell me if it meant he could adopt that man. Daddy served in the army, and there is no better man than one who gives time to his country. If I told my father that Quinn was a murderer, it probably wouldn’t matter. He’d find a way to excuse it. It’s the craziest thing.

For years he’s held out hope that we’d figure it out and get married. For years, he’s been disappointed, just like I have been. Maybe we can form a club?

“Mark my words, pumpkin. That man loves you, and being away makes a person think.”

“Oh, I bet he’s been thinking, but so have I.”

I’ve thought a lot about how it’s not going to be the same again. When he calls, I’m not going to answer. I told him that I was done, and I meant it. There is no point in both of us wasting our time on something that will never change.

There’s a time to fight and a time to let go, and I’m very aware of which one I’m at.

“Well, I have hope.”

“There are other men, Dad. Ones who aren’t afraid of commitment, feelings, making sacrifices for the ones they love.”

He releases a throaty laugh. “What sacrifices were you willing to make for him?”

I jerk back. “What?”

“You heard me,” Daddy says and waits.

What the hell didn’t I sacrifice? “How about my happiness, my wants, my time, my entire freaking life thinking that we were going to have a future. I am not the bad guy here.”

“When I talked to him last week, he said that it was you who walked out.”

I’m sorry, did he say he talked to him last week? “He told you this when?”

“When he called.”

Oh, that clears it up. “I wasn’t aware that you spoke to him.”

“He calls me once a month. I write him letters because I know what it’s like to be deployed.”