Indefinite (Salvation #6)(10)

“God, and poor Tessa.” Her eyes fill with tears. “They were supposed to get married soon.”

The sound of her voice breaks something in me. She shifts a little and I wonder if she is thinking how it could’ve been me. When her lip quivers, I want to comfort her, but I know it wouldn’t be welcome. It’s enough that she cares. A part of her still cares about me. I cling to it.

“Hey,” I say as I tuck my finger under her chin. “I’m fine.”

“No you’re not. You’re hurt and home early from deployment.”

“I missed you.” Not exactly what I planned to say first, but it’s true regardless.

I do miss her. She is on my mind constantly. Thank God for photos being on cell phones because if I’d had a paper one, I would have worn it out. Before I went to sleep, I saw Ashton. When I woke up, it was her face I wished I could see.

Every single minute, I fought the urge to call her. I just kept hearing her say goodbye in my head over and over and couldn’t do it.

That was before the accident.

“Quinn . . .” She steps back, shaking her head. “We’re not doing this. I’m not going to . . .”

“Are you with someone?”

I’ll fucking die. Of all the things I can’t handle, it would be that. Her dad didn’t mention it when we chatted, but that doesn’t mean anything.

“What?”

“Are you with someone?” I repeat.

“I heard you, but I didn’t think it warranted an answer since you broke up with me and it’s none of your damn business.”

“I didn’t break up with you, you left.”

This is going all wrong. I need to shut my mouth before I piss her off so much that she won’t even hear me out, but the idea of her and another man makes me want to rip someone’s head off.

She laughs while shaking her head. “You’re a fucking asshole. You want to argue the semantics of our split? Fine, I left you. Poor, Quinn. He had his rotten, black heart ripped from his corpse of a chest. Yes, let’s all cry now.”

And I did it without even trying. “I’m sorry. I was just caught off guard with finding you and your new boyfriend inside. I assumed you were—”

“I was what? Alone and pining for you? Sorry to disappoint.”

I’m a fucking idiot. I knew better. She’s the goddamn sun, so of course, she’d find someone else to rotate around her. Who doesn’t want that? What man could look at her and not fall to his knees? The fact that I was ever able to escape her gravity, even for a short time, was a herculean effort. I thought I could stay away. Yet, here I am standing before her . . . clearly, I’m not as strong as I think.

“I’d like to meet him,” I say.

“Meet who?”

“That guy inside, the one who answered the door, you’re with him, right?”

Her eyes widen and then close, not allowing me to see anything. “No, I’m not with him. Not that you deserve an answer, but I’m not cruel.”

That’s the first bit of good news I’ve had. “I know I don’t, but so much happened, and I needed to see you.”

“Why?”

“Why, what?”

She crosses her arms over her chest. “Why did you need to see me? We ended things. You don’t want a wife or kids. You don’t want to settle down or change your life. We’ve had this discussion, and you coming around now is a real dick move.”

There’s nothing I can say that will fully explain what happened this deployment because my entire life has shifted in a way that I can’t even grasp. Everything I thought I knew turned out to be a falsehood I created to survive.

Now that it’s shattered, I see the truth.

“I know you think that . . . but it’s different now.”

“I can’t go down this rabbit hole again. I’m sorry that you’re hurt and that you lost King, I really am, but this isn’t going to work. You should head back home.”

I’m not leaving her. I won’t let this happen again. “No.”

“I’m sorry, did you say no?”

“I’m staying. We belong together, Ashton. I know it, you know it—hell, even your dad knows it.”

Ashton lets out a laugh. “You know it, huh? Now you suddenly know it? Where were you six months ago when I asked you to love me? Where were you a year ago when we fought about our future and you made me promises? Where was this profound knowledge when I told you that I want to get married and have babies and you said—” She taps her chin like she’s thinking hard. “‘Well, good luck with that, fragolina, I hope you’re happy with that man.’”

She may be spitting the words at me, but I hear the pain. I hurt her. So many times, I’ve made mistakes, but I was protecting her from loving me.

“I was a dick.”

“Oh, I know.”

“I was scared, but I’m not anymore.”

Ashton shakes her head. “Well, I’m not yours anymore.”

That’s where she’s wrong. She is mine. She will always be mine. “I’m not walking away this time, Ash. No matter how hard you push.”

She laughs once. “Good for you, but I’m done. I’m moving on. I have plans, big ones, and they don’t include going for another ride on the relationship train with you. I’m done being a casualty of that train wreck.”