Indefinite (Salvation #6)(4)

I still can’t think of that without wanting to drive to his house and cut off his balls. I’m hoping she did it for me when she found out. I hate him, but then again, he brought me to Quinn.

Who I remember I also hate.

Catherine takes my hand, bringing me to the present. “If that’s what you want, then I support you.”

I nod once. “It is.”

“You know, we may actually get to live out our plan if you have a boy.”

Oh, Lord. “I don’t think either of us should plan to marry off our babies before they’re born.”

She laughs. “Still. It would be funny since I’m having a girl. If you have a boy, then they can grow up and fall in love.”

“It would be.”

I leave to head back to New York in a day, and it feels weird knowing that I won’t be around Cat all the time. She’s married to her big bad CEO husband, Jackson. They’re building an empire, kicking asses, and she’s off saving half of Hollywood from their disasters and rehab issues, so I only see her once or twice a week. It’s just . . . not the same without her.

Gretchen has moved to Virginia Beach, is engaged to an insanely hot SEAL named Ben, and works for Cole Security Forces. As does pretty much everyone else we know, and then there’s me.

The lone wolf.

No boyfriend. No life. Just my job and the love of my city that I will never leave.

“Ash? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” I shake my head with a smile.

“Liar.”

After almost twenty years of friendship, she knows me, I know her, and we both know bullshit when we smell it.

“I hate being so far from you. When you left, I always thought that maybe you’d come back. I knew it was dumb because you weren’t going to leave Jackson, but I hoped that he’d bring you back to me. Then I let that go and figured that at least I had Gretchen. Now she’s gone. I’m just sort of lost.”

She sits straighter. “You are not lost. You’re the only one out of the three of us who has ever been sure of her direction. Now look at you, you’re going to have a baby on your own terms. Seriously, that’s insanely brave.”

Maybe it is, or maybe it’s stupid. I probably am also the last one who should have a kid, even if I think I’d be a good mom. I know I want children, and I was raised in a house where we always had family around. They were loud, intrusive, and irritating, but I wouldn’t change any of it.

My cousin, who I used to babysit, is engaged. I can’t take it.

I wanted a minimum of four kids, but at this rate, I’ll be lucky if I have one.

“I’m not going to get my hopes up that it’ll work. I know better than anyone else that some women, no matter what, can’t have kids.”

“Do you truly think you’re going to have issues?”

I shrug. “I don’t know, but the issues my mom had were hereditary. She is the poster child for fertility issues.”

“You’re still young. She was older when she tried for you.”

I laugh. “We’re lying to ourselves if you think we’re young, Cat. I’m the same age she was when she started trying. There were forty-three eggs I lost in the time that I was with jackass number one and jackass number two. Eggs that were probably my best chances.”

Catherine laughs. “You’ve been counting your eggs?”

“I’m looking at reality. Those were good childbearing years, which is why I’m glad I froze some.”

“I still don’t even understand that one.”

She doesn’t have to. “It’s what I do for a living, and I wanted to know what a woman went through. Then I figured I might as well keep them because I have no idea if I’ve still got any left.”

I’m being slightly dramatic, but there’s also truth to it. I’m not twenty-nine anymore. I’m getting older, and if I keep putting it off to meet the “right guy” I may have no eggs left. I don’t want to go down the road of IVF. This is really the best option, and seeing how I’m not young and dumb, I can handle it on my own.

“Well, whatever you need from me, I’m here,” Catherine says, offering her support.

“I appreciate it.”

“What happens next?”

I lean back in the beach chair and let the sunshine beam down on me. “I find me a baby daddy.”





3


Ashton





“Are you sure about this?” Clara, the lead reproductive endocrinologist, asks as we sit in her posh office.

I never noticed how pretty it is outside of the lab. We’re one of the top infertility clinics in the country, and the lab looks like a damn dungeon. Clara’s office is clean but still soft looking and inviting. The white isn’t stark, and it’s broken up by gold and contrasts of green.

I make a note to tell my boss I want to makeover the lab.

“Ashton?” Clara snaps her fingers, bringing my attention back to her.

“Oh! Yes, I’m sure.”

“Okay, then. There will be some rules about what you are and aren’t allowed to do regarding the lab work.”

I nod. “I figured.”

“I have to say, I didn’t expect you to be on my schedule today.” She smiles, her dark brown colored eyes are filled with amusement and wonder.