Indefinite (Salvation #6)(15)

Yet, when he wants to be invisible, he’s somehow able to do that. Right now is not one of those times.

He wants me to be completely aware of him.

As we walk the few blocks to my station, I try to let the lyrics hold my focus but continue to glance over at him.

He doesn’t seem at all bothered by me. He’s simply walking along as though he doesn’t have a care in the world.

Being quiet has never been my strong suit. There’s no such thing as comfortable silence in my world. He also knows this. Each step that we take with him keeping his eyes straight, pretending as though I’m not here, is making me fucking crazy.

“Where’s your crutch?” I ask after I can’t take any more.

“Huh?”

Asshole heard me. “Your crutch. I noticed you’re walking fine today.”

“I didn’t need it today.”

“Why is that?”

If he’s willing to suffer because of whatever crazy mission he’s put himself on, I’m going to injure his other leg for him.

“Because I can’t exactly maneuver this city with a crutch. Lord knows you weren’t going to slow down.”

“Nope. I sure wouldn’t. So, if I start to run, you’ll . . .”

“Run with you.”

I roll my eyes. “You’re hurt and you’d run to keep up with me?”

“There’s not much I wouldn’t do to be close to you right now.”

Don’t fall for it, Ashton. Don’t let him make you think this is more than just his pride.

Even after telling myself that, my chest tightens, my heart races, and a part of my wall cracks a bit. Damn him.

“Too bad you didn’t realize how fantastic I was before everything went to shit.”

His hand wraps around my elbow, causing me to stop. “I knew how fantastic you were the first moment I saw you, Ash. I’ve always known. It was that I didn’t deserve you or your love.”

My eyes lock on his deep blue ones, looking for any sign that he’s lying and finding none. The sincerity in his gaze makes it hard to breathe. How I wish it was a few months ago because it would’ve mattered then.

“And now you are?” I ask, unable to stop myself.

“Now, I’m willing to prove that I can be that man.”

I shake my head. “It’s too late, Quinn. You and I have been through this too many times. I can’t do it anymore. I want more. I want it all. I wanted you to be that man for me, but you closed that door the last time.”

I see the regret flash in his eyes. “I know.”

“So, why do this now?”

Here on the busy streets of Manhattan, we stand at the corner, as if no one else exists.

Quinn lifts his hand, pushing back a strand of my hair and tucking it behind my ear. “Because I can’t walk away again.”

It’s not his decision anymore.

“I already did. You don’t have to. I won’t keep trying and begging and hoping that things will work out the way I hope. It’s been years of pretending and years of heartache.”

“I won’t hurt you again,” Quinn promises.

I want so badly to believe him. No matter how stupid or how much I wish it was different, my heart is his. I love him beyond all reason, and being this close to him is going to make me do stupid things.

My feet shift back, needing a little distance. “I wish I could believe you.”

“I’ll just have to prove it.”

“Please don’t do this,” I implore. “Walk away before either of us forgets the hell we’ve put each other through.”

Quinn moves in, not allowing me the space I want. His voice is soft and pleading. “I want us to forget, Ash. I need to find a way to make you see that it’s the past and I can’t walk away again.”

I release a heavy breath, trying to push out the want to crumble back into his arms. He would catch me, I know he would, but when he pushes me aside, it’ll hurt.

“Well . . . that’s too bad about your leg, because I can.”

And then I walk off, with one less earbud.

I move through the crowds, twisting and turning so I can get away. I’m too worn out today to deal with him. Whenever I decide to battle with Quinn, I have to have my full wits about me. He’s smart, knows me, and can wear me down too easily.

When I get to the next red light, I cross the street, knowing that, if I stop, he’ll catch me.

“You could slow down a little,” he says now occupying the space I wish he wasn’t.

“Damn it!” I stomp my foot. “You can’t even give me this?”

“I told you, I’m not letting you go.”

“No,” I clarify, “you said you weren’t walking away, which is what I did. You’re just following me.”

He laughs once. “This is true. I’ll clarify. I love you. I’m not walking away, letting you walk away, giving you up, or doing anything that even comes close to ending with us not being together.”

My heart is pounding so hard I can’t be sure I heard anything after his second sentence. I stare at him, wondering if he knows what he said or if maybe I am making it up.

“What did you say?”

“I said I wasn’t letting you go.”