Indefinite (Salvation #6)(16)

I shake my head. “Yeah, I heard that, you said something before it.”

He takes my hand in his. “I love you.”

“That was what I thought you said.”

“I didn’t plan to say it like this.”

I never anticipated hearing it. In all this time, he’s never uttered those three words—as though saying them would weaken him in some way. Natalie explained it once, saying that if they pretend to be these big, strong, unfeeling men that it’s easier for them when they leave. She said that she and Aaron would fight before a deployment so it was easier for him to leave.

In some ways, I can understand that, but then, what the hell has changed?

“What did you plan?”

When someone pushes him from the side, he moves a little closer to me, shielding me with his body. I guess Jackson was right about Quinn trying to protect me.

“I wanted us to sit down at a dinner, and I was going to explain it all. I should’ve known that you would never agree to that or make it easy.”

I scoff. “Because you’ve made anything easy on me?”

“No, and that’s why I never should’ve thought it should be for me.”

I rub my head, feeling the beginning of a headache coming on. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Don’t say anything. Just walk home and know I’m right behind you in case you need me.”

He’s making it really hard to hate him. “Maybe you can walk with me . . .”

“Is that what you want?”

Yes. No. Maybe. No. I have an inner war with myself and decide whatever the next thing out of my mouth is the truth. “Maybe.” I don’t feel any better about that answer.

“It’s better than no.”

“It’s not a yes,” I clarify.

“It will be,” he says with self-assuredness that makes me want to throat punch him.

“Don’t be so sure.”

Quinn leans in so that his lips barely brush against my ear. “I know you too well. I know your eyes, your body, and your thoughts even when you think you’re hiding them. You and I both know that as much as you want to deny that, you can’t.”

I grab my earbud from his hand. “Well, my maybe has been switched to a no.”

“That’s fine. I’ll be right behind you, waiting for you to turn around and see that I’m ready for whatever it is you want.”

And then the petty part of me comes out in full force. I laugh because he will never be ready for what I want. He only thinks he does, and the sooner I can get it through his thick skull, the better. “You think you’ll be here for whatever I want?”

“No, I know I will.”

So he thinks. “Well, in nine months when my baby is born, I guess we’ll see where you are.”

Before he can say a word, I walk away, leaving him stunned as I take the stairs to my train.





8


Quinn





“She’s pregnant?” Liam asks as I sit in my rented apartment in her building, trying to fucking make sense of what she said.

“It seems so.”

“Who’s the father?”

That’s the million-dollar fucking question. Some asshole touched her. Another man has been inside her, where only I belonged. I was a fool to think it wouldn’t happen. I knew there was a possibility of her moving on, but I never anticipated this.

“I don’t know, and I don’t care.”

Liam laughs. “Right. You don’t care.”

“I don’t,” I toss back. Sometimes, I question our friendship. Not that either of us wouldn’t lay down our lives for the other. Not that our friendship isn’t rock solid, but I wonder why the hell he likes me.

He’s loyal, kind, and would do anything for anyone. I’m a bastard who fucks up everything.

“You’re either the dumbest asshole I know or the biggest liar. You wouldn’t have told me to call you from the sandbox if you didn’t care.”

He’s the only one I trust enough to talk to about this. So, yeah, I told him to call me from the deployment and then I sent the dickhead forty bucks for the call online. At least he can’t call me cheap.

“I didn’t say I don’t care that she’s pregnant,” I inform him. “I don’t give a shit who the mother fucker is she screwed.”

Again the asshole laughs. “The hell you don’t. How about you stop bullshitting me and yourself. You care because you love her. I don’t know when the hell you finally got your head out of your ass, but here’s the thing . . .” He pauses and releases a heavy sigh. “You have a choice. You can be a man and go to her. Do the opposite of what she expects, which is for you to act like an idiot. Or you can live up to her expectations.”

“I’m not you, Liam.”

“What does that mean?”

It means I’m not a good man like he is. I can’t step into another man’s family and do right by them. He’s that guy. He walked into Natalie’s life and picked up the pieces. There wasn’t any hesitation where he needed to go back and think about it. No, he dug in and loved her and her kid.

“Just what I said.”

“Oh,” he says with a knowing voice. “You mean that you’re not as good as me. We already knew that. Not many are.”