Heidi's Guide to Four Letter Words(18)

“I know, I know! I’m giggling. I can’t help it. I’ll work on that. Lollipops… who knew?

“Heidi’s podcast, episode two, over and out.”





Chapter 9





“Well, if it isn’t my favorite niece.”

My feet stutter to a stop right in front of the door to EdenMedia and my head whips up in surprise.

“Aunt Margie, what are you doing here?”

I nervously glance behind her, and she laughs at me.

“Don’t worry; your mom’s not with me. Your deep, dark secret of working for a company who peddles porn is safe with me.”

“What? How did you…? I don’t….”

Aunt Margie shakes her head at me, grabbing the book out of my hand I forgot I had cradled to my chest as I walked into work. I try not to fidget uncomfortably as she flips through the pages.

“Unlike your mother, I know how to Google. I did some research on EdenMedia after she told me about your new job,” she tells me, stopping on a page in the middle and scanning the words. “Oh, hey! Look what they’re doing with a lollipop. Who knew?”

Snatching the book back out of her hands, I shove it into my purse where I should have put it when I left my house this morning. I blame my lack of discretion on the small amount of sleep I got last night. All because of that stupid book. Or maybe I should say, that absolutely amazing, wonderful, intense book that I couldn’t put down until I’d read the last word.

“What are you doing here? I mean, I’m happy to see you and all, but Mom still doesn’t exactly know what goes on here. I’m going to tell her; I just need some time,” I quickly explain.

“Some time? Kiddo, you’re going to need at least thirty years for your mom’s head to stop exploding once she finds out.” Aunt Margie chuckles. “I’m proud of you, if it’s any consolation. You deserve a little excitement in your life. Don’t worry; I won’t say a word.”

My mom and my aunt are as close as sisters can be, considering they are polar opposites. And even though I don’t have a sister, I do understand the bond they share and how, under normal circumstances, my Aunt Margie’s loyalty would always go to my mom first. If my life was in jeopardy or I was doing something illegal, I know my aunt wouldn’t hesitate to tell my mom everything. But since I’d never get myself into a situation like that, it’s nice to have someone on my side who will keep my secrets. Like that time the summer after my senior year of high school, right before I left for college, when I told my mom I was spending the night at my aunt’s house, and instead, I spent the night with my boyfriend and lost my virginity. That’s a secret I know Aunt Margie will take to her grave. Not just because of the personal and private nature of the situation, but because if my mom knew Margie lied for me to do something like that, we’d both be dead.

“I’m definitely getting plenty of excitement working here,” I tell her. “These books…. I had no idea. I thought they were just about the dirty stuff with no storyline and no plot, but they aren’t. They’re so much more. The women in these books, they take charge of their own lives and learn how to ask for what they want. It’s so empowering.”

After I finished reading the book at four this morning, I lay there in bed, staring up at the ceiling for another hour, feeling like the biggest fool. I made fun of books like this. I scoffed at the covers and rolled my eyes at the summaries. I’ve been embarrassed about telling people what kind of books they record at EdenMedia, because I know they’ll make the same snap judgements. Now, I just want to tell everyone I know to read these stories and see for themselves that you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. For the first time since I accepted this job, I’m proud of where I work and the kind of books they record here, and I want everyone to know it.

Everyone except my mother, that is.

“Heidi! You get prettier every time I see you!”

My excitement and courage vanishes like a puff of smoke when Sharleen Donaldson walks up next to my aunt with a huge smile on her face, even though one side is puffy and slightly droopy.

“Did I forget to mention I’m here because I drove Sharleen to the dentist next door to get a root canal?” Aunt Margie muses.

I’ve known Sharleen since birth. She’s one of my mom and aunt’s closest friends, and out all of the people I could possibly run into outside of work, of course it had to be her. I’d almost prefer my mom at this point. Sharleen is a wonderful woman, but she’s also the biggest source of gossip in Waconia. When you go to Sharleen’s house in the summer, nine times out of ten, she’ll be out in her backyard, chatting to a group of neighbors over the fence. If it’s in the dead of winter, her home phone is permanently attached to her ear.

If you want to know who stole Roberta Markum’s famous apple pie recipe and won first place with it at the county fair, ask Sharleen.

If you think your husband is having an affair, Sharleen can tell you the exact date, time, and location of each time he’s been seen in public with someone who isn’t you, along with what the other woman was wearing, her date of birth, and the last three jobs she held.

If you want to know why there was a sheriff’s car parked along the curb of someone’s home last Friday night, Sharleen will know which deputy it was, how long he stayed in the house, and what kind of cookie bars he had in a Tupperware container when he left.