Down Too Deep (Dirty Deeds, #4)(95)

Hope whispered in the back of my mind. And maybe he’ll call tomorrow. The discussion won’t even be needed. I squeezed my eyes shut and blocked it out.

“Shut up, Ollie!” Olivia yelled from the hallway. “You don’t know that!”

I frowned at the door.

“Yes, I do! I know it for a fact!”

“No, you don’t, idiot!”

“You’re an idiot!”

A door slammed, followed by another. I heard something hit the wall behind my bed.

I quickly got to my feet. “Sorry, I gotta go, Syd. The kids are fighting for some reason.”

“Okay, no problem. See you Wednesday!”

“See ya.”

I dropped the phone on the bed after ending the call, then hurried down the hallway and stopped at Olivia’s door. I opened it without knocking. Privacy didn’t exist when objects were being chucked at my walls.

“What was that?” I asked, stepping inside her room. “And why are you two yelling at each other?”

Olivia was on her bed, lying on her side so I couldn’t see her face. The notebook she always carried around was open on the floor in front of her dresser. The pages were bent up under its weight. I knew that was the object she’d thrown.

I picked up the notebook and carried it over to the bed, taking a seat behind her. “Olivia, what’s going on?”

“Ollie said you and Nate broke up.” Her voice was quiet and sad. “He said that’s why we aren’t going over there anymore. But he’s wrong.” Olivia sniffled and peered over her shoulder at me. “He’s wrong, right, Mama? That’s not true…” Tears glistened in her eyes.

For a moment I didn’t answer her, mainly because I couldn’t answer her. I knew the reason for Nathan’s silence, but I couldn’t deny how it felt on day four. This felt like a breakup.

“Mom.” Olivia whimpered. She began to cry.

“Baby, I’m sorry.” I placed my hand on her hip and fought tears of my own. “Things are just complicated right now…I know this is hard to understand.”

“What happened? Everything was so good!”

“Nothing happened.”

“Then why isn’t Nate here? Why isn’t he here, Mom! And why can’t we go over to his house? We should be there with him! He wants us to be. I know it! I know he does! We’re supposed to be together!”

“Hey, shh.” I leaned over Olivia and pulled her glasses off, setting them on the small table beside her bed. Then I wiped away her tears. “It’s going to be okay, I promise,” I said, kissing her shoulder. I pushed strands of hair back off her forehead. “We’re always okay, right? Me, you, and your brother—”

“No! We’re not okay, Mom! We need Nate!” She turned her face into the pillow and sobbed. “We’re not going to be okay. I know we won’t!”

My heart ached so badly, I wanted to tear it out of my chest. Olivia really believed we weren’t going to be okay, and it was my fault that she did.

“Baby, I need you to listen to me,” I began, resting my hand on her arm. “You know, Mommy has always dreamed of finding the perfect dad for you and your brother because I wanted this version of a complete family so badly, but we’re already a family. We’re the best I could ever want—just us. We don’t need anything more than what we have to be happy, and I am so sorry for making you think we do.”

God, all those dates and the wishing I did aloud. No wonder Olivia felt this way.

“We’re going to be okay. I promise.”

Olivia sniffled and stared at the wall. “What about my dream?”

“Honey, it’s okay to dream still…It’s okay to want more. We just don’t need it. Do you understand the difference?”

“I don’t want it to be just us anymore, Mama. I’m sick of it.”

“Sweetheart…”

“I want Nate!” She glared back at me. “That’s my dream. You just said I could have it!” She jerked her arm, pulling out of my grasp, and cried into her pillow.

I closed my eyes through a breath. Then I looked down into my lap at Olivia’s notebook. Some of the pages were still turned in and bent. I opened the book to fix the paper for her, unfolding one of the corners and moving on to the next. After I fixed it, I stared at the page and at the list I had never seen before.

In Olivia’s large, careful handwriting, she’d written:

Reasons Why Nate Makes the Best Dad Ever

by Olivia Savage



1. He’s 30. That’s older than my mom. She likes that.

2. HE WEARS GLASSES!! His hair is dark like ours. He’s tall. I think I’m tall for 8.

3. Knows how to make smores. I can’t wait to try them.

4. Likes games like us.

5. Holds my hand.

6. Talks to me a lot.

7. Called me and Marley his girls!! BOTH OF US!!

8. So funny.

9. Makes the best pancake shapes.



Olivia drew a giant arrow indicating a page turn, and on the back of the paper, she’d continued.

10. We already look like a family.



Below number ten she had taped the Fourth of July picture of us. I wiped tears from my eyes and skimmed the rest of the list.