Don't Let Me Fall(33)

We’re rushing into things. Sometimes waiting isn’t worth it. Especially if one of the two parties doesn’t see a future for herself. Time is the enemy. I have to make it my

friend.

“We don’t have to do this right now,” Logan said. “I don’t want you running out again.”

I pushed him on his back and straddled his lap.

“You won’t ignore me?” I asked. Because I might freak. I might run. I’m f-ucking psycho! I won’t blame him if he has sex with me then leaves me out to dry.

“Rebeckah, who the f-uck can ignore you?” he asked. “You are constantly on my mind and I have to use my sister just to be near you. For some reason, you hate me.”

I ended up falling on his chest as we laughed.

We’re so strange.

When I calmed down, I unbuttoned his jeans slowly. I really hope this works. I have to see if I can do this. If I can’t then there’s no point in going farther with him. I’ll just

be stringing him along and it’s not fair.

I left him in his boxers as I stripped my clothes off. I need to go slow. If I go too fast, my mind might play tricks on me again and it won’t end well.

Six o’clock came around and we didn’t get out of bed.

Seven…same.

I didn’t want to move. And Logan didn’t want to leave.

We didn’t have non-stop sex if that’s what you’re wondering. We had sex though. f-ucking slow, rough mind-blowing sex and when it was over, we just laid in bed smiling like

fools.

“Okay…my girlfriend is coming over in twenty so you need to leave,” Logan said sitting up after reading something on his phone.

My smiled vanished and everything I just thought about went crashing and burning. I was about to flip when Logan cracked a smile and pulled me back under the blankets.

“I’m sorry. I just had to,” he said nuzzling his way to my neck and nipping skin. “That was Aimee and she wants to know why you’re not in class.”

“Why did she ask you?” I asked. They share everything but I made him promise not to tell her the shit we do or will do. That’s just f-ucking weird. And besides…girls tell girls

things. Well, I don’t think I can tell Aimee about having sex with her brother but if it comes out, it’ll be from me. Logan can talk to someone else. Preferably a guy.

“Because I told her you didn’t leave,” Darren’s voice rang out. I screamed like a bitch as I stuck my head out from under the covers and glanced toward the bathroom.

“Darren, get the f-uck out!” Logan said throwing a pillow at him. “And f-ucking knock!”

“You stole my nurse. Expect me to make you pay,” Darren said walking back into the bathroom, whistling. “Oh, and I saw nipple, Rebeckah.”

I looked down and covered myself up even more. God, I thought people in college had privacy. Apparently the people who don’t have Darren as a roommate do.

“I have to go to class. I skipped yesterday,” I said sitting up.

“Why did you?”

“My sister was starting her first day of high school. I didn’t want to miss it.”

“It’s October,” Logan said furrowing his brows.

I almost started to panic. I don’t like to tell people my life story or my family’s life story. I’m a private person. I like it that way. But Jacky did tell me to talk to

someone. She was talking about the most important thing but I have to start out small, right?

“Um…Kelsey has leukemia so she had to miss the first month,” I said, looking at anything other than Logan. “Treatment.” Dammit, am I going to cry? What the hell is wrong with

me? I usually don’t cry this much anymore.

“Oh…I’m sorry,” Logan said sitting up. “Is she…”

“It’s curable,” I said grabbing my clothes off the floor. “We’re just hoping it doesn’t come back after.” First it needs to get the f-uck out of her. I want my sister healthy

and strong. I want my sister to live.

“Damn. How old is she?”

“Fourteen.”

Logan turned me around so we were facing each other. I felt his fingers touch my face and as much as I wanted to pull away and stop feeling, I couldn’t. I have to stop doing that.

I leaned into him and closed my eyes.

I have to be strong.

I have to want to live.

Look at Kelsey. She is fighting for her life and I’m not giving a shit about mine. I’m the worst sister ever. Stop trying to kill yourself. I thought.

I really wish it were that simple. But I’ll try.

I pulled away from Logan and got dressed. I texted Jacky and asked if she could bring me some clothes. She didn’t head out to work yet so she said it was fine.

Logan is still hovering over me to make sure I don’t make a break for it while he takes a shower so he keeps talking to me. If I take more than five seconds to answer, he pops his

head out of the shower curtain and I always laugh.

I know he’s just looking out for me but at the same time, I feel like I’m dragging him into my shit storm of a life. No one deserves that.

“For a man, you take a long f-ucking shower.”

“That’s because I like to smell good.”