Come Back for Me (Arrowood Brothers #1)(80)

I wish I didn’t have to. But that is not a promise I can keep. Maybe I could have if they hadn’t left my parents on the side of the road alone, if they had waited for paramedics to show up. If they had, I would have at least had answers.

He has no idea what I went through afterward, the weeks I spent doing nothing but searching for clues. I called every body shop, gas station, and junkyard looking for a red car that had been dropped off with unexplained damage. I called the cops sometimes three times a day, asking them if there were any leads. I was desperate for answers, hoping that I could just . . . know.

That night changed the trajectory of my life, and maybe if I had answers I wouldn’t have been so emotionally broken that I married a man like Kevin.

Chasing that thought is that, had I gotten my answers back then, I never would have met Connor in that bar. Hadley wouldn’t exist.

That is unbearable for me to consider, and I refuse to walk down that path of what-if.

God, I want so desperately to believe that he didn’t know any of this until his brother showed up. I really do. But the trust is gone, and I don’t know if I’ll ever believe him again.

I made that mistake with Kevin each time he told me he would never hit me again, and I won’t blindly follow a man, regardless of the love I have for him. After everything I’ve endured, I’d rather take the loss now than later when I’m in far too deep.

Not that I think I haven’t already hit that place. The love I have for Connor is unlike anything I’ve ever felt before. Losing him . . . well, that might destroy me.

The sobs continue until my body is empty. I’m hollow and broken. I don’t remember how I got back into the bed. I have no memories of wrapping my limbs around him as though, if I only held on tightly enough, I wouldn’t have to let go, but here I am.

I lean back, waiting for him to tell me this was a bad dream, but the look in his eyes tells me it isn’t.

“I have to go,” I say, my voice raw and hoarse.

“No,” he says quickly.

I lift myself off him, my heart breaking with the loss of his touch.

“You had to know this was going to be the outcome.”

“What do you want me to do? Turn myself in? I’ll do it. I’ll go right now and see Sheriff Mendoza and confess.”

I shake my head, a new wave of tears coming. “I don’t want or need that, Connor. I sure as hell don’t want another one of Hadley’s fathers in jail.”

He takes my face in his hands. “Tell me what I can do.”

That’s the thing, there’s nothing. He didn’t actually drive the car that killed them, none of them did. If he were to go to the sheriff, all it would do is hurt people who have already paid for the sins of their father.

“You can make this as easy as possible for me. You can show me that you love me by allowing me to get off this bed and walk out the door without having this be any harder than it already will be.”

His jaw clenches as if he wants to argue, but then he sits up and moves to the side of the bed. He’s doing exactly what I asked, and yet, it feels like another betrayal. I don’t want to lose him. The idea of walking away is killing me, but I have to get my head straight.

I can’t make the same mistakes.

I slide off the bed, grab my clothes, and head for the bathroom.

Once dressed, I look at myself in the mirror. Who is this woman? It’s been months since I’ve cried. Months of feeling strong, beautiful, and smart. All of that gone in one instant. I think about Hadley and the lessons I’ve fought to teach her.

She is going to be crushed—more so than she ever was about Kevin. She loves Connor. She loves living here and had hopes that will dissipate like mist when I tell her.

Once again, I’ve chosen wrong.

I exit the bathroom and find him leaning against the wall. Our eyes meet, and I have to look away. He is my weakness, and right now, I need strength.

“Where will you go?” he finally asks, breaking the silence.

“I’ll go to Sydney’s for tonight. Then I don’t know. I guess I’ll look for a place.”

“Stay here.”

“Here?”

He pushes off the wall, coming close but not touching me. “Yes, this is where Hadley is happy and comfortable. You can stay here, and I’ll find somewhere else.”

“You want me to stay in this house?”

“I want you to stay with me, but I’m trying to make this easier and let you go.”

Nothing about this is easy.

“I need some time. I can’t pretend that none of this happened. I want to believe that you didn’t know and that your brother just filled you in, but it’s all very . . .”

“You don’t have to say more. If you need time, I’ll give it to you.”

I want to throw myself at him, beg him to hold me, and refuse to allow any space or time to separate us. But wants are dreams, and I have both feet in reality now.

“Hadley will want to see you.”

A deep sigh comes from his throat as his face pales. “I’ll be here. Anytime . . . for either of you.”

I head to the front door, not caring about clothes or anything because nothing matters. I grab my purse off the front table and pause with my hand on the door.

Just open it, Ellie. Walk away because you know you have to.