Come Back for Me (Arrowood Brothers #1)(77)

It was why I worked so hard in the military, because I needed to be a better person and try to save someone.

I knew that coming back here would resurrect a lot of ghosts from my past, I never thought it would collide with my future. A future I want more than the very breath in my lungs or heart in my chest.

Fuck my father.

Fuck Declan.

Fuck everyone who knew they’d be the sole source of pain for the person they loved and were too selfish to walk away.

My brothers and I are ready for whatever the consequences may be. They’re willing to take the fall because they know I can’t be a father to Hadley or the man Ellie needs with this secret between us.

I can’t do this to her, and yet, I have to.

How am I going to say the words? I try to concoct a plan that could mitigate the damage, but there is none.

“Connor?”

I look down at the very sated Ellie who doesn’t seem to have a worry in the world. “Yes?”

I wonder if she can see my guilt. If she can feel the angst that’s rolling around inside me, the self-resentment that is growing with each passing minute. Does she know that I love her? Does she know I was willing to fight my brothers for her? Will it matter?

“I love you.”

And that’s my undoing. She loves me, a man whose father stole two lives from her. She told me about how hard it was losing her parents. All these years her mystery has gone unsolved and now my father can’t even pay for the pain he caused her.

Why did it have to be her?

Why couldn’t it be anyone else?

“I love you, Ellie. I fucking love you with my entire fucking world and . . .” I have to say it. It has to be now. Here, in the bed, naked after loving her with all that I am, I have to break her.

When she sits up, her eyes are filled with a million questions. “What’s wrong?”

“I have to tell you something.”

“Okay.” Her voice shakes a little.

I shift so that we’re facing each other. I have to be a goddamn man and own up to what happened when I was basically a kid.

What I’m not ready for is to lose her.

“Eight years ago, the night we met, do you remember I said that my father and I went at it?”

She seems to visibly relax and nods. “Yes, of course.”

“We were arguing about something that happened the night of my high school graduation, which was the week before. My brothers were home for my ceremony. They knew I had joined the navy and wanted to be here for my swearing-in ceremony.”

Her fingers link with mine, and I swallow hard. Jesus, she’s fucking comforting me. The knot in my stomach is so tight it hurts.

“We don’t have to talk about this . . .”

“Yes, we do. That night, Ellie, the night of my high school graduation was a fucking nightmare. My father had been drinking, like always, and he was out of control. He was yelling at everyone, calling my brothers and I names. He tried to take a swing at Sean, but he wasn’t a kid anymore, so they ended up fighting. It was . . . well, another fun night for the Arrowood brothers. The four of us took off for the barn, like we always did when we wanted to get away. And that’s where mistake number one happened.”

“I don’t understand.”

“We left.”

She shakes her head. “I still don’t get it.”

“He never had access to the car keys. He wasn’t a fun or silly drunk. He was belligerent and thought he was better and smarter than any of us. Good ole Dad thought he could do what he wanted because no one tells an Arrowood how to live.”

She starts to fidget her hands. “He drove?”

There’s no going back now. Here is where I have to say the words.

“Yes, he drove, but he didn’t drive his truck. He wanted to teach Sean a lesson so he took his car. Declan saw the headlights pulling away from the house, and we ran. We got into the back of Jacob’s truck and took off. But we didn’t have a plan. I mean . . . how do you get a drunk driver to pull over?”

“Connor . . . I don’t understand.”

Of course, she doesn’t. She has a good heart and wouldn’t put two and two together. Or maybe she will. The look in her eyes tells me that she knows where this horrible story is going.

“We followed him through three towns, trying to figure out a way to get him to stop. The entire time, we argued over what to do. I wanted to run him off the road, let him kill himself because it would be a gift, but Jacob refused. We were still arguing when we saw another car coming. I swear, Ellie, all four of our hearts stopped beating. We were screaming, flashing the lights to get the oncoming car to stop. They didn’t see that my father was swerving so badly he probably didn’t even know what lane he was in. Jake tried, he bumped the back of Sean’s car, hoping that it would send him into a ditch, but . . .”

“But it sent him into oncoming traffic.” She barely gets the words out.

“Into the other car.”

Her eyes close, and a tear falls down her beautiful cheek. “Into my parents.”

I wait until she looks at me, praying she sees the regret and sorrow in my eyes. “Yes.”





Chapter Thirty-Five


Ellie





I sit here, replaying the words in my head over and over. His father was responsible.