Come Back for Me (Arrowood Brothers #1)(84)

I drop my head toward the ground, eyes closed, wishing I could hear my mother’s voice. She was the kindest person I’d ever known, and I want to think she would forgive the boys. I don’t know about my dad, but she would.

They weren’t driving the car. They didn’t urge their father to drink and drive.

All Connor is searching for is redemption, and he needs my forgiveness just as much as I came to seek my parents’. He and his brothers did what they had to in order to survive, as we all do. Was it right? No. But they were protecting each other.

Suddenly, it’s imperative that I give it to him. He shouldn’t carry around guilt over something that wasn’t his fault or for not telling me sooner. I don’t think he knew who I was when he met me in that bar or when he walked up my driveway that day. If he had, that would be a level of cruelty that he isn’t capable of. I close my eyes and turn to face the first rays of the morning sun as they break over the horizon.

“Did you know that my mother didn’t drink?”

“I don’t know anything about them other than what you’ve told me.”

“My mother was raised by an alcoholic father. I’ve always imagined him to be a lot like how you describe your father.” I turn to him. “She wanted better for me. Even though my dad liked to drink each night, she married a man who doted on her like she was the sun, and everyone thought they were perfect.”

“The way I see you.”

My heart sputters. “I’m far from perfect, and they were too. As much as I’ve tried to idolize them, the truth is that my mother was never taught to use her voice when she thought he was wrong, and he had a tendency to make bad choices.”

I glance back at my father’s grave. He wasn’t a drunk, by any means, but he liked his beer each night. Mom didn’t care as long as it was just one.

“I don’t want you to ever quiet your voice. I want us to talk. We’re going to fight, and I’m going to piss you off. Things will happen, but I love you, and I meant what I said about fixing this. I could’ve lied to you, Ellie. I could’ve pretended that I didn’t know anything about your parents’ death, but I wouldn’t do that. Not only because I love you but also because I don’t want secrets between us. We’ve both been through hell, but when I’m with you, it’s like heaven.”

My eyes mist over, and I nod because I feel the same. “I know you weren’t responsible. I knew that before I ever left your house, but I needed time to process everything, but . . .”

He leans forward, hope in his eyes. “I can wait.”

While I’m sure that’s true, I don’t want that. He was willing to do whatever I needed to be at peace, had risked my walking away just so I knew the truth, and had offered to turn himself in even though it put his brothers at risk. He faced something that he’d been running from for years because he didn’t want me to live another day with my own demons.

I love him.

I love him in a way that defies all logic, and while some may not understand it, I don’t care.

I bring my hand to rest right over his thundering heart. “I can’t.”

“You can’t, what?”

“Wait. I’ve seen monsters, and I’ve lived in nightmares. You aren’t either. While what happened is tragic, it isn’t your fault, and it is unfair of me to ever put that on you. Your father was driving that car, not you or your brothers.” As I say it the sun starts to rise higher above through the clouds. “I can’t imagine what I would have done if my parents were threatening me. I was angry, and more so when I thought all we had was a lie.”

“None of it was a lie.”

“I know that now.”

“When you walked out that door, I thought I would fucking lose it. I wanted to get on my knees and beg you to see what we have.”

I shake my head, bringing my fingers up to his cheek. “I don’t want you to beg. I forgive you, Connor. I forgive all of you, and I think my parents would too.” The sun warms my face and I look up with a smile.

“I hated that I had to hurt you.”

“And that’s why I think it’s so easy to forgive. Because you, Connor Arrowood, are a good man.” I hold his face in my hands. “You are a wonderful father. You’re sweet . . .” I kiss his lips. “You’re generous . . .” I repeat it again. “You’re the only person who has ever made me feel safe.”

His hands glide up my back, holding me tight against his body. He kisses me deeper—but not in a lustful way. In a way that allows me to feel it in my soul. His lips drift away from mine, and then I rest my head on his shoulder, allowing the warmth of the sun and the strength of his embrace to heal me just a little.

“I don’t deserve you.”

I release a deep breath and nestle in closer. “I deserve you. Take me home.”

“I’ll take you anywhere, as long as I’m beside you.”





Chapter Thirty-Eight


Ellie





“It’s just my brothers,” Connor tells me for the one hundred millionth time today.

“It’s not just anything. It’s the day I meet your brothers and they meet their niece and it’s her birthday and . . .”