See How She Awakens (The Chronicles of Izzy #4)(17)

“It speaks in my mind, urging me to doubt everyone close. To rely upon its guidance. Sometimes I can see the error in its logic, but that is getting harder. This morning, when you came in it was trying to convince me that you had left me alone, that you wouldn’t return for me.”

“And you believed it?” Gone was the professorial tone.

“No, I didn’t.”

“How were you able to discern its words were not truthful? What made this time different?” Aberto questioned.

“You,” I answered truthfully. Any time the darkness had tried to make me doubt Aberto, it had never been truly successful. Even when it had tried to convince me of him wanting me for his selfish reasons. I wasn’t sure if it were the bit of his soul residing within my own that fought the darkness back, or if it were the history we’d shared. Either way, the darkness was powerless to control the truth where Aberto was concerned. It could stir the anger within me, and bring up the doubts that already existed, but it would never be able to place new fears.

He closed the distance between us; his body heat radiated against me, sending shivers down my spine. “What do you mean?”

“I think it has something to do with your soul being inside of me. I doubt you, but my doubts are my own. The darkness can feed from my fears, but it can’t make me feel things I didn’t already feel with you. It isn’t like that with everyone.”

“Is that what happened at the Order?”

“Yeah.” I swallowed back my fear as I plunged headfirst into the truth. There would be no turning back, but I didn’t want to fight this alone. “Aberto,” I paused unsure if I could really press on.

“Izzy, I am here for whatever it is you need.”

“I need to know. Are you here because of the prophecy, and what I mean to the world, or are you here because you think it will pull me closer to you?”

“I care not for this world. Have my past actions not shown as much?” He raised a wry brow as a crooked smile graced his mouth. “As for why I am here, it is for you. Not for some expectation or hope, but to help you as I swore I would. I am yours, I’ve always been yours. In whatever capacity you will have me.”

A chill raced down my spine as the darkness churned within. Aberto was changing things. His presence meant I may just have a fighting chance against what was building inside. For the first time since I’d been brought back, I began to feel a glimmer of hope that I wouldn’t change into a monster.

“The darkness never leaves, Aberto. It is always there, waiting, listening. Even now, it lurks just beyond reach. When I killed Sonneillon, I took the darkness within myself. That isn’t something that can be undone.”

“So we will find a way to make the darkness more bearable, submissive to your will.”

“Do you think it is possible?” I was afraid to hope, to believe I would ever be strong enough to control something so depraved.

Aberto’s fingers pushed a stray hair behind my ear, his hand lingering for a second too long. “Izzy, I think you are capable of a great many things. Now come, I want to show you something.”

“I thought we were trying to fight the darkness within me?” I shouted toward his back.

“You must first heal in order to fight the darkness. You have not yet grieved your lover, or paid homage to his memory. It is time.”

“I remember him in every breath I take, mourn his absence, the loss of him. I don’t need to focus on it, it is always there.”

“There is a difference between what you are doing and actively facing the loss. You live with it, but you have yet to accept the truth.” Aberto stopped next to a pyre, ready to be lit.

Memories of the ceremony Kennan, Ian, and I had done when my mother died came rushing forward. We’d laughed that night, loved, found solace in one another’s grief. Here, I would be alone in my pain. But this was the way of our people. I would honor Kennan and keep his memory.

“After this we’ll find a way to save Molly? To make things right with Ian and the others? I don’t want their last memory to be of me being so, off.”

“First, you must face the truth, what has passed, and what is to come. You must make peace with yourself, the being you’ve become. When that is done, we can learn how to break the darkness’s hold on you. Only when all of this has been complete will you be ready to help your friends.” Aberto looked to the pyre as a thought crossed my mind. He’d gone through something similar to this, a shift, a change in who he once was.

“Fine.” I muttered turning back toward the fire.





Staring at the pile of wood, a thousand thoughts began to run through my mind. But I knew it was time. Aberto was right. This had to be done.

“The last time I did one of these, we just used the fireplace in the cabin. Is there some sort of ceremony or something I should do? I don’t want to mess this up.” I wanted to do this right, for Kennan, for myself.

“The closest in heart to the departed lights flame to the pyre. Once it is fully engulfed in flames, we will honor his memory with our own memories of his life.”

Aberto handed me a piece of wood that had been set aflame. I wasn’t really sure when he’d lit it, but it didn’t matter. Thoughts of Kennan swirled in my mind as I touched the flame to the wood, igniting it into a raging fire. As the flames multiplied, my life with Kennan moved through my mind. Memories unfolded, bringing me back to the moment I first met him. It was just after my Grams had died…