See How She Awakens (The Chronicles of Izzy #4)(16)

“Just give me a second.” I strode to the edge of the porch and grasped the railing, doing my best to calm the turmoil raging inside of me. My heart ached for the loss of Kennan, and it always would. But he’d left me; he’d knowingly gone into that battle to die. I still couldn’t wrap my mind around that. If I were being honest, I’d have done the same. He’d done what he did so I could live and I’d hidden away in the dreaming. What of him in the void? How could I ever leave him if I had him with me?

Slowly, my breathing returned to normal and I sat back down in the chair as Aberto watched me. Ever searching for something, anything that might explain what was going on inside of my mind. Maybe he couldn’t hear me anymore.

“I’m ready. Explain the sacrifice and the rest.”

“Kennan sacrificed his love for you, his connection to you, so you could move forward. You never would’ve left the void had he not let you go.” Aberto’s gaze turned back to the horizon, as if he were afraid to see my reaction to his words.

“I’m not sure I will ever move forward, Aberto.” We both knew it was the truth, but having it spoken caused something to happen. A shift occurred, as if two pieces of a puzzle were finally clicked into place.

“I understand.” Aberto never took his gaze from the distant looming mountains.

“What of the love?” I asked.

“Isn’t that obvious?” Aberto turned to me, his eyes capturing mine. His promise to Kennan echoed in my mind, he’d never leave me. As long as I remained within his reach, he would never let me go.

“When you said you’d return me to the void if Molly wasn’t as you said she was, would I have gone alone?”

“No.” Aberto stood, walking to the edge of the porch where two small steps waited.





“Conjure yourself some appropriate shoes, we are going for a walk,” Aberto said, abruptly changing the subject. My eyes took in his clothes, never having paid attention before now.

Aberto walked off into the distance, looking like some great archeologist on a dig in Egypt. It suited him somehow. The further he got, the more he blended in with the expanse of the dessert. Quickly, I conjured myself some shoes and headed out to meet him.

“Why a walk?” I asked, catching up with him.

“Being trapped inside of that building with you is difficult.” His eyes burned bright with tightly controlled passion.

“Got it.” He had never made any secret of the way he felt for me, but having nothing to thwart his attention was unnerving. I’d been honest when I said I didn’t think I would ever be able to move on from Kennan, regardless of the connection I’d always felt with Aberto. Just as I knew, Aberto would never push the issue. He would remain as he always had been, even if his eyes belied the truth.

“Tell me what you believe is happening to you, Izzy. Why do you speak to yourself?” Aberto continued walking, to where, I wasn’t quite sure.

If you tell him, he won’t believe you. You will be nothing more to him than a problem to solve. Don’t tell him the truth, Izzy. You will regret it. The darkness clambered, desperation rang out in its tone.

“Something happened to me when I tried to defeat Sonneillon. The demon promised me I would be the vessel of destruction, and since that day I’ve felt it writhing inside of me. The darkness hides within me, turning everything I love and hold dear into something sick and twisted. It whispers to me. It is getting harder to discern whether its words are truth or lies. It’s been getting stronger. Every day I spend outside of the void, it grows.” I paused, thinking back on the night before, what I’d seen in my eyes. “Aberto, look into my eyes, really look.” I grabbed his hand pulling him to face me.

His body shifted, towering above me, his gaze moving to meet my own. I looked up at him, hoping, begging he would see what I’d seen.

“Am I going crazy? Or can you see it?”

“There is a darkness within you. I can see it now, as I refused to see it before.” Aberto reached his hand up to my face, grazing his thumb over my cheek. “When is it strongest? What does the darkness want from you? Did Sonneillon say before the end?”

“I’m not sure. Sometimes I think it wants to control me to use me for something, other times it tries to tempt me into ending myself. Which is crazy, because I thought I couldn’t die.” I moved away from Aberto, the proximity to him not helping me to explain how the darkness had been changing me. “Sonneillon said it lived within me now. You saw the way Uriel reacted to me, as if I am some sort of tainted thing. The thing that scares me most is that it is growing. The demon told me time was my enemy, and I believe it. With each passing minute, it expands, it takes over a bit more.”

“What does it feel like?”

“It feels as though some parasite is taking control of my body, of my mind, and I have absolutely no control. When I am angry, or when the hurt becomes too much, it gets stronger. It takes advantage of my weakness, preys on my fears. At the Order, the way Ian was toward me, though justifiable because he is scared for Molly, caused something to shift within me. And when everything started to fall apart, the darkness took advantage of my fear. It took control, and if I’m being honest, it felt good. I wasn’t afraid, I felt strong."

I will keep you strong. Let me rule you.

“What of the voice? The one you answer to so frequently.” Aberto’s tone was that of a teacher, a guide. Passionless and direct.