See How She Awakens (The Chronicles of Izzy #4)(19)

“Kennan O’Malley, you are the bravest man I will ever know. I never once deserved your love, but you loved me anyway. You made me want to be strong, to be the best possible version of myself that I could. I know I can’t stay like this, to live with this ache inside of me forever. I will never forget you, my heart will never heal from the loss of you. But I know I do your memory no honor by lingering on a future that can never be. You gave your life so that I might live. I will try.”

Falling to my knees, the heat warmed my tears as they slid down my face. My home was truly gone. I could never go back to him, to the way things had been. He was gone, and it was only now that I truly understood. Aberto had been right, I hadn’t accepted his death. Even now, I didn’t know how to move forward, to live a life without Kennan. I didn’t want to, and that made it all the harder.

“May I speak, Izzy?” Aberto’s voice came from behind me, pulling me out of my own head and back to the present.

“Yes.” Unsure of what he may say about Kennan, I stilled to listen.

“Kennan was the kind of Guardian we are all called to be. He was strong, loyal, and even now is called to the service of the heavens. His soul will be revered for millennia to come. The loss of him is felt profoundly, not just by his Seer, but by us all. The world was better for having him.” Aberto, the man of few words, had spared many for Kennan. Those words meant the world to me; I knew they had not come easily.

“What now?” I asked, sitting back to pull my knees up to my chest.

“Now we watch as the flames burn. We watch until their light is extinguished. Then you must move forward.”

So we sat, watching as the pyre burned, and the wood collapsed unto itself. We watched as the flames burnt the massive logs into ashes, and as the embers slowly died. The day melted into night as we sat, watching the last of Kennan’s light burn out. When the last spark finally extinguished, I looked up to the sky, the sea of stars sparkling high overhead, and I could feel him. I knew he was out there, somewhere, watching me. It could be enough, knowing I wasn’t quite so alone. It had to be.

“Ready?” Aberto asked, standing with his hand outstretched to help me up.

“I don’t know if I will ever truly be ready, but I can’t stay like this forever.” I clasped his hand.



As we made our way back to the shack in the middle of nowhere, I was surprised to realize the darkness had left me alone.

“Aberto, I haven’t felt the darkness for a long time now. I know it is still there, but it hasn’t been yammering in my head.”

“Love,” Aberto muttered.

“What do you mean, Love?”

“Remember when Uriel said love and sacrifice would be your salvation? Well, Kennan sacrificed himself so you might live. Love is what will allow you to do so.”

“I don’t understand. How can love help me to live when the man I love is gone?”

“When we walked down to the pyre today, what did you feel? What were the emotions most present?” Aberto’s question made me assess just how I’d really been feeling.

“I was angry and hurt. Guilt for being the one that lived, and pain for never being able to have the future I’d wanted with Kennan.” I paused on the steps leading into the house.

“What do you feel now?” Aberto’s eyes met mine.

“I feel loved. I was loved more than most people are ever loved in a lifetime. It still hurts, and I still want, more than anything, to have him back, but I know I can’t keep living, waiting for it to happen.” I paused, waiting for my brain to process what Aberto had said. “What happens when that love fades into the recesses of my mind, when the thoughts most prominent must be of the fight and defeating the darkness?”

“I will remind you that you are loved,” Aberto replied simply. “Now, get some rest, tomorrow we will begin making you whole once more.”

“Aberto,” I paused for a moment, unsure of what to do, before wrapping my arms around his waist. I pulled myself closer to him so the bit of his soul within me hummed contentedly, once more united to form a whole. “Thank you for this.”

Aberto seemed taken aback by the contact, but slowly, he wrapped his arms around me. I was folded into him as his voice rumbled in his chest against my ear, “You will never have to be alone again. Never.”

Slowly, I disentangled myself, stepping back to peer up into his face. The memory of the first time I saw him skirted through my mind. Not the memories I’d lost, but the night he tattooed a protection symbol on my back. His face, so inhumanly gorgeous, remained the same. Only somehow, now, it was different. His eyes shone down, silently assessing me.

“You need rest.” His jaw clenched as he broke eye contact, breaking the spell that held me in place.

“You’re right. I’ll see you tomorrow?” Anxiety tinged my voice, causing it to shake.

“I will return.” And like that, he was gone.





Staring up into the sky once more, I was amazed at the brilliance of the stars shining above. I didn’t want to go inside the house to be alone, I wanted to remain under the gleaming night sky, but sleep beckoned me.

Reluctantly, I made my way into the house and toward the bed.

You forget him so easily. The way you looked upon Aberto says it all. You never truly loved Kennan.