See How She Awakens (The Chronicles of Izzy #4)(12)
“I cannot,” Aberto replied evenly. “But I believe you can.”
“How?” I sobbed.
“What did you do to control it when it overtook you just now?”
“I wanted to hurt you, but the thought of doing that was too much. Something cracked my resolve, and everything came rushing back in.” Exhausted, I made my way toward the bed. I wanted to rest, to let the world slip by unnoticed.
“At the Order, how did you regain control then?” Aberto was assessing me, as he had been since he brought me from the dreaming.
“Ian. The way I talked to him, I could see the hurt and shock on his face.”
“Each time, the fear of hurting someone you care for has kept you from going further,” Aberto theorized.
“It is getting stronger, Aberto. I’m not sure I will be able to stop it if it comes again.”
“You will learn,” he answered, as if it were the simplest thing in the world to fend off the all-consuming darkness.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked. Now fully returned to myself, the question still lingered.
“If I’d told you, the last months of your lives together would’ve been lived with the weight of that knowledge hanging over them. Each day would not be a day lived in love, but a day counted down to the loss of that love. I saw it in your eyes the moment I met you, that your soul was tied to his, your destinies entwined. I was powerless to take that happiness from you. Even if it was destined to end.” Aberto lowered himself to sit on the bed next to me. “If you could go back, would you want to know?”
My mind spun through his words. Memories of his sadness sprang forward. The times he’d asked me of my home, of my love for Kennan. Every moment we’d spent alone together, he’d known Kennan’s life would end, and I would suffer. He’d known and had carried that because he thought I’d deserved the happiness of the moments I’d spent with Kennan. I hadn’t truly understood the reality of the sadness in his eyes. How mistaken could I be? I’d thought it was his feelings for me, not being able to have me. But all that time, he’d known what was waiting just around the corner. A blink of the eye in time for Aberto. The question remained. Would I take away my time with Kennan to live, as he’d said, counting down the days?
“I wouldn’t change it,” I admitted. Our last days were spent with that pressure hanging over us. It had caused pressure to build, for us to push one another away, until the end when we clung to one another. Too many days would’ve been spent waiting, wondering if it were time.
“I ask not for your forgiveness, Izzy, for what I did is unforgivable. I only ask that you have faith in me.” Aberto reached out to clasp my hand in his. I looked down at his hand swallowing mine.
“I’m not sure I can.” Tears swelled in my eyes. For once, it wasn’t the darkness uttering my deepest fears and hidden thoughts. This admission came of my own accord.
“May I be permitted to remain and regain your trust?”
“Can I stay?” I responded, flatly.
“I do not understand.” Aberto’s brows creased in confusion. My mouth twitched as some of my favorite memories of him were brought to the surface. He never quite spoke like he belonged here, always antiquated in his speech.
“It’s what you asked. You should’ve said ‘can I stay and try to regain your trust.’ You sounded outdated, as always.”
“Can I stay, Izzy?” Aberto knelt in front of me, his face still level with my own.
“Yes, but I make you no promises.”
“I ask for none.” Aberto leaned forward, resting his forehead against my own. “I would take this pain from you, this misery, if I could.”
He lies, he is glad you are in misery. It gives him a chance to get closer to you.
“Stop.” The voice never left me alone. It was always there, making me doubt everything.
Aberto began to move away, causing a panic to stir within me. I didn’t want to be alone with the voice. I didn’t want to do this by myself. Truth be told, I was terrified of what was happening to me. I felt so isolated. I reached out to stop Aberto from moving away; he looked to me with confusion on his face.
"I wasn’t talking to you. Don’t go.”
“Izzy, you must rest. I will return tomorrow, and we will begin to figure this out.” Aberto’s eyes held mine for a moment before he stood and disappeared from the room, leaving me alone once more.
Aberto’s sudden absence made the room feel uncomfortably empty. Sitting on the bed did nothing to dissuade the loneliness that had begun to creep in the moment Aberto disappeared. It seemed I wasn’t great at being alone anymore.
Determined to push my feelings aside, I rose from the bed to inspect what had become my prison cell, for all intents and purposes. The shack had a feeling of worn purpose to it. Every item strewn about the small room looked as though it had been there for a hundred years. No pictures adorned the walls; no knick knacks cluttered the shelves. The only thing remotely personal was the table that overflowed with papers. A strange pull drew me toward the table. I wondered who this building belonged to; who had lived their life in this secluded place.
I came to a stop next to the table, startled by the appearance of another person in the room. It took me longer than I cared to admit that the person staring back at me was, in fact, my reflection. Shock ripped through me as the reality of the image sunk in. No wonder Sena had reacted the way she did. My hair was a tangled mat, the dress I wore hung like a sack from my seemingly frail form, dark circles ringed my eyes, and I was pretty sure there was dirt in my ear. How did dirt get there? I leaned closer, trying to see my ear, but my eyes caught my attention. Hidden in the swirling blue were flecks of black. Speckled like stars lining the night sky, they stood out, great gaping voids. Would it spread? How had Aberto missed this?