Ruined (The Eternal Balance #1)(44)
She tugged on my arm and I followed, lost in a haze. The movement of my legs and the warmth of her touch barely registered, along with the feel of her hand slipping into my front pocket in search of the keys. Like a child, I allowed her to stuff me into the passenger seat, and was vaguely aware of the squealing sound the tires made against the pavement as she peeled away from the curb.
We drove for several miles. I wasn’t paying attention to the direction. North. South. It didn’t matter. I was too busy staring at my hands. Hands that were covered in blood and to blame for the pain and suffering of so many. I’d lost count. Until February in my eighteenth year, I’d kept a running total. The number of poor bastards who had been unfortunate enough to wander into my path. They were the horrible and the violent. Sick and twisted… But they were humans whom, as Sam pointed out, I had no right to judge.
“Pull over,” I said, looking up from my bloodstained hands.
“Pull over? Where?”
“Now,” I snapped. The sound rattled around in the small space, making Sam flinch. The car listed hard to the left and stopped a few seconds later. I couldn’t get out fast enough. Air. I needed air. I stumbled several feet from the door, doubling over and bracing myself against a nearby pine tree. My pulse thundered as the blood rushed through my veins.
Sam came around the front. “Jax?”
“I liked it, Sammy,” I said with as much control as I could muster. Turning to face her now wasn’t an option. “It made me happy. I took more pleasure than you can possible imagine from making him bleed.”
She didn’t answer right away, and when she did, her tone wasn’t sharp or disgusted like it should have been. It was soothing. Forgiving. “Funny. You don’t look very happy right now.”
I straightened and pushed off the tree. A single step and I sank to my knees.
The blood on my hands would wash away but I would always see it. Each time I closed my eyes, the world turned red. How many nights had I sat in roach-infested motels, staring at a blade and wishing to hell that I had the strength to end it all? Most committed suicide long before they reached their twenties. They’d done the honorable thing. Spared the world from their particular flavor of madness and horror.
I was a f*cking coward.
Too afraid to leave this life behind for fear of what the next held. After everything I’d done, there was no eternal peace waiting on the other side. “When I left, I made a choice to continue living—even though I knew what that would mean for others. You were right. I’m selfish, and this is the price I have to pay. There’s no happiness out there for me, Sammy. No redemption. Only endless blood and violence.”
Sam didn’t say a word as she came around to stand in front of me. The sun was going down and the broken beam of light that shone through the trees was so bright, that it illuminated the outline of her body, making her look like angel.
An angel standing over the devil awaiting judgment.
“I don’t believe that, Jax. I don’t believe that there’s anyone who can’t be saved.” She pulled me close, cradling my head against her belly. “You can be saved. I can save you.”
“This * behind us is getting on my nerves,” Sam mumbled.
It was starting to get dark and we were almost back to town. She’d been complaining about the car behind us for the past ten minutes. I glanced over my shoulder. “Pull to the side and let him pass.”
“I’m going over the speed limit. There’s no reason for him to be on my ass.”
I checked the speedometer—she was going almost seventy—and peered into the passenger’s side mirror, squinting against the glare from the other car’s headlights. It was too close to see the plate number, but it looked like a New York plate. I was about to suggest turning at the intersection ahead when the car lurched forward.
“What the hell?” Sam cried. “Did he just hit us?”
This time when I glanced into the side-view mirror, I saw the car swerve around to the left. The engine revved and the car shot forward. “Shit. What the f*ck is it with you and cars?” I was never getting into a vehicle with this girl again.
She never got the chance to respond. The other car hit us again, this time on the driver’s side. The car veered uncontrollably to the right. Dirt and gravel kicked up, spraying everywhere. I turned to check on her as soon as we stopped moving, but my door swung open.
“Out,” a deep voice commanded.
A demon’s voice.
My demon was surprisingly quiet. Normally when I was in danger, it grew active and unsettled, flashing its two cents in the form of gory, unwanted pictures. This time however, it had nothing to say. Typical. The f*cking thing was in the way until I actually needed it. I did as instructed and Sam followed suit on the driver’s side of the car as three demons watched.
One of them stepped forward. It was one of the demons who’d been at the cliff. Not the one who’d sent her over, but the one I downed first. It ignored me and turned to Sam. “You weren’t supposed to be a problem anymore—yet, here you are.”
“Well, that’s me,” she said with an uneasy grin. “Trouble.”
Another one, shorter than the first, chuckled. It stepped forward, grabbing Sam’s chin and licking its lips. “Aren’t you delicious?”
There was no thought involved. There was Sam, and there was the bastard’s hands on her. I leaped forward with the intention of snapping every bone in the thing’s arm, but instead of the satisfying sound of crunching and an agonized howl, I got a mouthful of dirt. The demon standing to my left had swept the back of my knees. “Stay down,” it growled. “Or we’ll destroy her while you watch.”