Ruined (The Eternal Balance #1)(41)
“It means,” he said, eyes narrowing to thin slits, “maybe you need to see the truth firsthand. Maybe then you’ll keep your pathetic human ass away from me.”
He wanted me to be afraid of him. The big bad demon next door. Hah, right. I’d seen him puke all over himself after eating too many Atomic Dogs at the fair. Watched him rescue a litter of kittens from a partially submerged storm drain on prom night. And knew all about his annoying obsession with old John Belushi films. Once you see someone recite every line from The Blues Brothers wearing a hat and shades, it was impossible to view him as an emotion-sucking, flesh-eating demon hell-bent on terror and destruction.
But as sure of him as I was, I didn’t need the attitude. I leaned in a little closer, catching him off guard. “You didn’t think my ass was that pathetic when you were staring at it before.”
“I wasn’t—” His eyes went wide, and he mumbled something too low for me to hear. Fist curling tight, he smashed it into the wall by the door, sending me about a foot off the ground. Tiny bits of paint and plaster rained down, scattering on the floor at our feet. “This mess is your fault.”
“My fault?” I snapped. “While I don’t for a second believe any of this is your fault, I sure as hell don’t blame myself, either.”
When Jax turned back around, I was barely able to hold back a gasp. While not completely blackened like they’d been in my apartment, his eyes were rimmed with black. The demon.
“It—I—” Something furious sparked behind Jax’s eyes, but he stepped back and took a deep breath. “You need to see what I am.”
We’d borrowed Rick’s car and were sitting, parked around the corner of Harbor Street and Forty-Fifth Avenue. I didn’t come down this way if I could help it. Hell, the cops didn’t even come down this way. Every week there was something in the paper about a murder, and there wasn’t any street corner you could hit without seeing either a hooker, a drug dealer, or gang-style graffiti.
“Why are we here, Jax?”
“Because you need to understand what I am, Sammy. You need to see it firsthand.”
“And we’re going to do that inside Rick’s car?”
“We’re waiting for something.”
“That’s not too cryptic. Any chance you’re going to tell me what?”
No answer.
A few moments passed. When it was obvious he had no plans to talk, I took matters into my own hands. The silence was too much. “This is why you left? This thing inside you?”
“Yes,” he responded without turning away from the window. “The members of my family are the cursed descendants of Cain. Sometimes the male children are born with a demon attached to their soul.”
“Sometimes?”
Jax’s posture relaxed just a bit and he turned to me. Now, eyes their normal shade of gray, he seemed to be more himself. Guarded, not cruel. Angry, not vicious. “Sometimes it will skip several generations. The last person on record to have been born infested was my great-grandfather.”
My next question had been burning a hole in my mouth, and I was proud of myself for keeping it bottled up until now. “What about Chase? You guys are twins. Does he…?”
“Have a demon?” The light in his eyes changed. It became darker. Angrier and more like the Jax I’d seen before we came down here. “No. I was the lucky one.”
“Is that why you two fought so much as kids? Because you got stuck with it and he didn’t?”
He thought about it, picking at a loose thread on the steering wheel leather. “I guess a small part of me resented his freedom. The curse means having to live with a demon whispering in your ear all the time. There’s a lot of suicide in my family tree… But the thing with Chase and me? The animosity? That’s mostly the demon.”
“How do you mean?”
“It hates him.” He shook his head. “The things it wants me to do to him. The things it shows me… Part of the curse, I suppose. Cain killed his brother, Abel. Guess history is doomed to repeat itself.”
I squeezed his hand. “But you resist. You’re stronger than that thing inside you, Jax. It’s why no matter what you say or show me, I know you’d never hurt me.”
“I’m not stronger,” he said. The agony in his voice made my heart squeeze. “It’s why I have to stay away. When I’m not near him, it’s easier. Quieter. When he’s standing in front of me—I want to give in to the demon. It shows pictures of Chase lying broken and bleeding by my hand, and you want to know something, Sammy? I like it.
“As a kid, I used to make excuses. Blame the dark thoughts and short fuse on the demon, but as I got older, I realized that was bullshit. It’s not all because of the curse, it’s just me. Who I am. And who I am will always have this little voice in my head that whispers, as long as Chase is alive, I’m no good. I’m ruined.”
“You’re not ruined,” I insisted, angry. Jax was messed up, and yes, he’d probably done things I couldn’t even comprehend to survive, but he was still Jax. And that meant that I’d do whatever was necessary to save him from himself. Just like he’d done for me as a child. Just like we’d been doing for each other most of our lives. “And I’m going to prove it. Have a little faith.”