Perfect for You(49)

Gray puts her hands on my shoulders and looks at me in the mirror. “See, now that’s the Meg I love. The one who doesn’t want to cause anyone else pain. Welcome back.”

Yeah, welcome back to being alone, because if I do this, I’ll lose both guys.





Chapter Twenty-Two


Now that things with Grayson are patched up, I have to do something about Noah. I have to tell him the truth. He deserves someone who will give him her full attention, her heart. And as much as I care about him, I just can’t do that right now.

Emma walks me to lunch, like the good babysitter she is. She brings me outside to the picnic tables. It’s getting cold out, but she hands me my jacket—I’ll have to have a talk with her about locker privacy later, if she’s still willing to talk to me after I set things straight with Noah—and says a quick “Have fun” before leaving us alone.

Noah has the table set for us. Oh crap. This isn’t happening. I think about how much time has passed since Ash and Liz went to the game. Today’s another anniversary. Noah’s and mine. Damn, damn, damn. Am I really breaking up with another guy on our anniversary?

He reaches for my hand and a huge smile spreads across his face. “Do you like it?”

My throat constricts. This is too hard. He’s such a good guy. “Noah, I—”

“Come sit. I got us lunch.” He brings me to the table, kissing my lips gently before I sit down.

“When did you do all this?”

“The meeting ended early, and since I knew Emma was taking care of you, I figured I had time to do this.”

Taking care of me? He means watching me. “Why did you think you needed to have Emma watch me? Is it because of Ash? Because he and Liz broke up?”

His jaw clenches. “You know about that?”

“Yes.” Great, now I feel guilty for bringing up Ash. This is supposed to be about Noah having me watched. How did he turn this around on me? I don’t want to fight with him. I don’t want to end things on bad terms. I really do care about him. I reach for his hand across the table. “You can’t control me, Noah. You shouldn’t want to. Ash breaking up with Liz doesn’t mean anything as far as I’m concerned. He and I are finished. I know that.” I’m not sure if I really believe it, but the words come tumbling out.

He gets up and moves onto the bench next to me. His eyes search mine like he’s looking for something. He presses his lips to mine in the softest kiss he’s ever given me. I recognize the look a few seconds too late. The words are already coming out of his mouth. “I love you, Meg.”

No. No, no, no, no. He can’t love me. It makes what I have to do so much harder. I’m going to break his heart. I can’t form words. I don’t know what to say at all, and the longer I sit here in silence the more his face falls.

“I get it. I’m not him.” He lets go of me, looking everywhere but my eyes. “I don’t want to be anyone’s second best, Meg.”

“Noah, I’m so sorry. It’s not like that, I swear. I like you. I really do. But I’m still in love with him. I don’t want to be. I want to be able to choose you. I do. But love doesn’t just go away. This is what I was trying to tell you Friday night. We got together too soon, before I had a chance to deal with my feelings for Ash.”

“I pushed you. I shouldn’t have gone after a girl who was involved with someone else. It’s my own damn fault.” He’s not looking to punch anything this time. He’s hurt.

“No.” I reach for him, but stop. Maybe he doesn’t want me touching him right now, or anymore. “I think we just met at the wrong time. There’s obviously something between us, but the timing is wrong.”

“So what, we plan to meet up in a few years when Ash is out of your system?”

“Noah.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. This just…sucks, you know?” He runs both hands through his hair and stares down at the table, at the meal he planned for us on our anniversary.

“I had a crush on you for two years and you never even looked my way. That sucked for me. All I wanted was a chance with you.”

He nods. “And now that’s all I want and you’re still into someone else. I guess we’re even.”

“It’s not payback or some game. It’s just how life is sometimes. You don’t always get what you want, when you want it.”

“I still think I got the shitty end of the stick. You had a crush on me based on superficial crap. I got to know you and fell in love with you.”

I can’t argue with him. “I hate this. I hate that I’m hurting you.”

He shakes his head. “It’s not your fault. You can’t control who you love. Besides, you don’t have much better luck. The guy you love is into someone else.”

Ash is in love with Liz? No. He can’t be. He broke up with her. He wouldn’t have done that if he loved her, would he? Maybe. I did it to him. Maybe Noah and I are both in the same situation. Maybe that’s why we met. Or maybe I’m looking for explanations when there aren’t any.

“What do we do now?” I ask.

Noah stands up. “Please don’t ask me if we can be friends. I can’t handle that right now. I’m trying to be understanding, but—”