Perfect for You(48)

“What proof do you have? They were friends, yes. But that’s all.”

“She had a thing for him. It was so obvious.”

“Maybe, but he was with you.”

“He admitted that he was talking to her about me, complaining about me.”

“So? He had a right to be upset about you hanging out with Noah. He didn’t do anything with Liz. Damn it, Meg. He’s not Derrick. You need to get over it.”

My throat closes, and hot tears sting my eyes. How can she be so cruel?

Gray shakes her head and reaches for my arms. I don’t want her touching me right now, but I can’t move. I’m in too much pain to move. My heart is shattered. All I can see is Derrick humiliating me, kissing Stacy in front of my locker. He knew I’d catch them. That’s what he wanted. He was done with me and didn’t have the balls to break up with me like any decent guy would. He let his lips do the talking all right—all over Stacy Leeman’s face.

“Look, Meg, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for that to come out so harsh, but you need to snap out of this. Ever since Derrick cheated on you, you haven’t been the same. You’re weaker, like you aren’t fully here anymore.”

A broken heart will do that.

“When Ash came along, I thought you were getting better.”

I was for a while.

“You were even ignoring me to be with him, and as much as I hated that, I liked seeing you happy again. But it’s like you pushed him away. Did you think he’d hurt you like Derrick did? Were you trying to beat him to the punch or something?”

Or something.

“And of all the guys to turn to, why Noah? He almost looks like—” Her eyes widen as she pieces together the puzzle. “That’s why! He looks like Derrick!”

Yes, I’m royally screwed up. I break down, letting the tears stream down my cheeks. Grayson’s right. I am broken. I’m shattered into a million little pieces. But not because of Derrick or Noah. Because of Ash. I love him, and I pushed him away—all because I was too scared of getting hurt again. Ugh, I’m such an idiot. Ash would never hurt me like Derrick did. Instead, I hurt him. Maybe I didn’t make out with Noah in front of Ash’s locker, but I may as well have. I put Ash through hell. The same hell I’ve been trying to claw my way out of since sophomore year.

My insides churn and twist until I feel sick. I push my way into the first stall and double over in front of the toilet, spilling my breakfast. My tears overwhelm me to the point I can’t breathe. Grayson grabs my hair, holding it away from my face.

“God, Meg, you’re a mess.”

I know, and I don’t have a clue how to fix this. I need to get Ash back. I need to tell him I’m sorry for hurting him. I need to make him see that I love him and no one else. But what about Liz? I’m not sure if they really broke up. I’m only guessing. They could’ve had a fight and are about to patch things up. They might stay together for the rest of the year, go to prom. The thought sends my heartache, on the heels of my breakfast, into the toilet. This is all my fault. I created this. I pushed them together all because I was afraid it would happen. Stupid self-fulfilling prophecy!

“Come on.” Grayson pulls me by my shoulders and walks me to the sink. I don’t even recognize myself in the mirror. I look like hell. My eyes are red and puffy. My skin is pale white. Still, I don’t look as bad as I feel.

Grayson grabs a handful of paper towels and runs some water on them, making them damp. She dabs them under my eyes. After all I’ve done, how crappy a friend I’ve become, she’s taking care of me.

The bathroom door opens and two girls walk in, giggling and lost in their own conversation.

Grayson storms over to them, blocking their view of me. “This bathroom is occupied. Find another one.”

“What?” they protest, but Grayson pushes them out and locks the door.

“Thanks. For everything. I don’t deserve you.”

She playfully raises a shoulder. “I know, but you did help me make the team, so I owed you one.”

“You’ve more than paid me back. And, Gray,” I meet her eyes, “you made the team because you worked hard. I didn’t have much to do with it.”

“Probably.” She smiles to show she’s kidding. “What are you going to do, Meg? You can’t go on like this. Do you like Noah or Ash? You need to decide and get back to being you.”

“I like them both. That’s what’s killing me. Noah is amazing. He’s not at all how I thought he’d be. He really cares about me. I’m afraid he’s falling in love with me.”

“Afraid? Why?”

“Because I still love Ash.” There I said it. I got it out, admitted it to Gray.

“Crap, Meg. Please, don’t be the girl who strings two guys along while she figures out who she wants.”

“I’m not stringing Ash along. We don’t even talk.”

“He broke up with Liz.”

They did break up. My chest tightens as I try to figure out what that means for me.

“So, now you have to ask yourself if that changes anything between you and Noah. Is Noah really who you want if you have the chance to get back with Ash?”

“I don’t think I do have a chance with Ash.” I lower my head. “But I’m not sure I should be with Noah either. This isn’t fair to him. I don’t want to hurt him.”