Perfect for You(50)

“I know.” I don’t want to lose him from my life completely, but I can’t ask him to accept my feelings for Ash and wait for me to get over this.

Noah lets out a deep breath. “Good luck in States.” That’s his way of letting me know I’m on my own. He won’t be there. As of this moment, we’re officially done.

I nod and watch him walk away. It seems like people are leaving my life left and right. Luckily, I got Grayson back today. There’s one good thing among all the bad. I get up, ready to go find her, but she’s already coming out to meet me.

“Emma told me,” she says, holding her arms out. I walk into them, and she hugs me as I cry on her shoulder. For once I’m grateful for Emma’s lurking. She sent Grayson to comfort me. I’ll have to thank her later, if she’ll even talk to me.

***

The week passes in a blur. People murmur about me and Noah. I even hear some gossip about how I dumped Noah because Ash became available. That one I hate. It’s not true at all. I couldn’t hurt Noah by staying with him. He loves me, and I’m still in love with Ash. That’s not fair to him, but no one seems to want to hear my side of the story. They’d rather make up their own versions of the truth.

I don’t even attempt to talk to Ash. If I did, it would only make it look like the rumors are true. Noah seems okay most of the time. He’s still himself. The only time I see him falter is when he accidentally meets my eyes in the hallway. He turns away quickly, and it feels a lot like two years ago when he didn’t even acknowledge my existence. I know he’s upset and he needs to work through this in his own way. I can’t deny him that, no matter how guilty I feel, so I give him his space.

Grayson assumes her role as my best friend as if we never lost any time together. She’s amazing. She walks with me to our classes, sits with me at lunch, and scans the halls to try to cut down on my contact with Noah and Ash. I try to repay the favor by spending extra time practicing with her for States. She’s really improved during the season and I’m about to tell her that when the football team comes jogging down to the courts.

“What are they doing?” Grayson asks, looking at them.

Ash is leading the group. I turn away, unable to look at him. Every time I see him, my body aches like I have the flu. I think of how perfect he and I used to be together. How much we loved each other, and I feel myself breaking all over again.

“You want to go?” Gray asks, joining me on my side of the court.

“No. I’m fine.”

“Meg, it’s me. You don’t have to put on a brave face and pretend you’re okay with this. You’re hurting and you’re allowed to.”

I hear their footsteps pounding along the grassy hill. “No, I’m not. I caused all this.”

“Noah caused all this.”

I meet her eyes. “Why do you hate him so much? He’s actually really sweet. He told me he loves me.”

Grayson shakes her head. “Maybe he does, but he came after you while you were with Ash, and I’m sorry, but in my opinion, that makes him a jerk. He knew you had a crush on him before. He’s not as innocent as you think.”

“It doesn’t matter. I ended up hurting him. Just like I hurt Ash. I can’t believe I thought he cheated on me with Liz. How could I jump to that conclusion?”

“One word: Derrick. You never got over what he did and you thought Ash was doing the same thing.”

Great, now Grayson is defending all the things I did wrong. Just a week ago she yelled at me for these exact things. Now she’s being protective, or maybe she really does understand how I saw things—my warped view of what I thought was happening.

“I wish I could go back.”

“You want Ash back that badly?”

I swallow the tears that are threatening to close my throat. “It’s killing me to be away from him, Gray. I feel like part of me died when we broke up. That’s why Noah and I didn’t work. I wasn’t fully in the relationship. I want to be myself again. To feel whole.”

“You don’t need a guy to feel whole.”

“I know that, but—”

“You love him.” Her tone softens.

I nod.

“So what are you going to do?” She fidgets with the strings on her racket, waiting for me to come up with a brilliant plan to fix my life.

“I don’t know. Ash is probably over me. He dated Liz.”

“Yeah, but they broke up. He ended it. That could mean something.”

“That he figured out she’s a total slut?” It sort of slips out. The truth can be like that.

Gray laughs. “Possibly. Or he figured out he couldn’t get over you by being with her.”

God, how I wish that were true. “Don’t you think he would’ve tried to talk to me if he felt that way? He knows I’m not with Noah anymore.”

“Maybe he’s giving you time. You and Noah only broke up a few days ago. Ash isn’t the rebound guy type.”

“He can’t be the rebound guy. I was with him first.”

“You know,” a small smile creeps across Grayson’s face, “Ash was leading the football team on their run. Maybe he came down to the courts for a reason.”

“You think he was looking for me?”