Love Survives (Love's Suicide #2)(63)

She seemed to take it pretty well. I watched her body language, trying to figure out what she was going to say so I could prepare myself. “I guess I’ll talk to Bobby and see if we can drop her off to you. Are you able to baby proof your house? Do you even live in a house or an apartment?”

“I live on base for now. There’s family housing available, and I filled out the forms while I was on shift this morning. If everything goes the way it should, I may be able to move into something in the next seven days. I had to explain my situation to my commanding officer, but given the importance, he said he can pull some strings.”

“So, you’d have a whole house?” Was she surprised that I could wipe my own ass by myself? What kind of question was that? Did she not think I could provide for my daughter?

“It’s like a duplex. Two small houses connected. Some are one bedroom and some go up to three. I can also live off base, provided I can find something affordable and close. I’m not going to rush into anything. My parents won’t care what my living conditions look like.” That wasn’t true. They’d care, but be fine if I was happy.

Without giving it a single thought Kat shocked me with her solution. “They can come to my house. Bobby still owns another house, so we’ll go there for the weekend. The house is already baby proofed and B will be comfortable.”

“Wow. That’s pretty generous of you. Are you doing this to kiss my ass?” I wanted to know how far she would go to get on my good side again. It was plain as day that she missed me in her life. I knew it because I felt the same way. As hard as I tried to stay mad at her, my heart was taking over, and that could only lead us down a road that neither of us were prepared for.

“Is it working?” She questioned.

At first I laughed, shaking my head at her presumption. Then our eyes met, and nothing could have prepared me for the vibes she was giving off.

I smiled at her while staring into her eyes. “I’m still mad, but some of the things you said last night were true. Knowing you were pregnant and alone would have been torture for me. It doesn’t make what you did right, but I don’t know if I could have handled not being able to get to you.”

It was the best feeling to have my own daughter come up and take my hand. “Pay wit me.”

I followed her like a lost puppy. Climbing and jumping through things I had no business being in. I didn’t care. The employees saw my fatigues and let it go. They weren’t about to tell a soldier he couldn’t be with his child.

After she found her friends again, my little bug went off to play in smaller tubes. I found Kat sitting on the same bench as before. “Is she always so playful?”

“Unless she’s in grumpy mood. Then she won’t want anything to do with you.”

What happened next wasn’t on purpose. All I was trying to do was adjust the way I was sitting. Accidentally I placed my hand on top of hers and electricity rushed through me, awakening the dormant places that had been holding out so long for her. Our eyes met again and this time I knew she was feeling it too.

I tugged my hand away as fast as possible. “Sorry.”

Kat peered forward. “Yeah, so that was weird.”

I cleared my throat, trying to figure out what to say next. “Your husband seems nice. Does he make you happy?”

“He’d do anything for me.” I wished it weren’t true. I wanted her to say he was a loser, so that I had a reason to still want her.

“So, you’re happy? Well, before all this happened I mean.”

I couldn’t stop staring at her as I awaited her reply. She captivated me, just like she always could. It was effortless, the connection between us. “Yeah, I guess. We’ve had our problems. Bobby had an accident at work and his legs were both broken. It’s taken him a long time to be able to get himself mobile again.”

“I guess I just want to know if he gives you everything you need, because for all the years that I’ve been away, I somehow believed that I was the only person that could be all that you wanted.”

When our daughter ran by chasing a little boy it made me chuckle. “Do you remember how I used to follow you like that?”

“I remember chasing you.” Her answer made me beam.

“Kat, all of this feels like some sort of out of body experience to me. I’ve got a two-year-old daughter and you’re married to someone else. I feel like at any second I’m going to wake up and it will have all been a wonderful dream.”

Without removing her eyes from mine, she spoke. All I wanted to do was reach over and touch her lips. I wanted to remember what it felt like to touch her again. “It’s real. I’ve been living this life for almost three years now. I can assure you that you’re not going to wake up.”

I leaned in close, so that I couldn’t be heard by anyone else. “Then I just need to know one thing.”

“What?”

“You’re not going to like it. It’s just really been bothering me.” It was probably a terrible conversation to have in a play park, but I hadn’t been given a rule book.

“Say it.”

“Did you ever consider having an abortion?” I put my hand up to keep her from prematurely answering. “I’m asking because you were all alone. You knew I wasn’t coming home for years and that you’d have to raise the child yourself. I keep trying to make sense of everything. I won’t be mad if you did. Looking at what we’d created was the most fulfilling kind of feelings I’ve ever experienced, but I get that you were alone and scared. So tell me, Kat. How did you know you were going to be okay?”