Love Survives (Love's Suicide #2)(15)

It took me about a year to come to grips with being able to communicate with Kat again. In that time I’d trained to be a ranger, and parts of me were obviously changed. She’d been sending me letters, never saying much on a personal level. I think she felt like she was including me in her day-to-day as if we still lived under the same roof. At least once a week I’d been getting mail for the past several months. Sitting down to write her back, after all the time that had passed, was so difficult.

I was a different person than the young man that walked onto that bus. Even though I’d seen my parents when I graduated boot camp, I hadn’t seen Kat or my brother since that day in June when I left.

I think I wrote five letters before settling on something simple. I wanted her to know I was okay, but couldn’t lead on that I missed her. I was a soldier. I was strong, and brave, but when it came to Kat, I was weak.



Dear Kat,



Thanks for writing me all those letters. Sorry it’s taken me so long to respond. My life’s been busy and I know yours has too. I hear you and Branch are doing well from Mom’s letters. Tell him I said hi.

I will try to write more.



Love, Brooks



Her return letter was just as boring.



Dear Brooks,

I can’t believe you finally wrote me back. I was beginning to think that you’d forgotten all about me. Yesterday I tried snails for the first time. The texture grossed me out, but I managed to swallow them without barfing. I’ll write to you again soon. Please keep in touch as we all miss you.

Love, Katy



We kept in contact up until Christmas. That’s when I got the news that reminded me of still having feelings.

I’d called home to wish my parents a happy holiday and hung up after hearing about the engagement of Kat and Branch. Aside from feeling sick to my stomach, I couldn’t understand how I’d ever be able to be around them. I’d thought I’d been strong enough to let her have a happy life with Branch, but that wasn’t the case. Hearing that news made every single painful emotion come right back into play. I was a nervous wreck, who refused to respond to something that would forever destroy me. Even though I’d known this day would come, I wasn’t able to grasp the fact that she’d never be mine.

I realize that made no sense. She was never actually mine to begin with, not since we were little, but this was like a forever kind of commitment. If she married Branch I’d never have my chance.

That night I had a burger for Christmas dinner and shared my table with the one friend who had spent the last year at my side. It wasn’t fancy, or even something memorable, and it certainly wasn’t as cozy as looking across the table and seeing Kat smiling back at me, but it would suffice. It would keep from wanting to high tail it to Mexico and drown my sorrows in tequila.

In the next year, I fought with myself over staying in contact with Kat. There wasn’t a single day that passed where I didn’t miss her sweet voice, but I knew calling or writing would only drudge up old memories, while she was busy making new ones with my brother. That’s why, for a while, I refused to keep in contact with Kat, or anyone else. To keep them convinced that I was fine, I’d randomly mail a short note to each of them.

Much to my surprise I received a message to contact my brother because it was apparently an emergency. In that moment I pictured Kat injured, or even worse. I closed my eyes and attempted to erase the image, unsuccessfully. The phone rang three times before he answered. “Brooks, is that you?”

“Yeah, what’s wrong? Is Kat okay?”

“Of course you’d be worried about her,” he said rudely.

“What is it then? Are mom and dad okay?”

“The only person who isn’t okay is me, brother. You see, I just found a letter for my bride to be, from my so-called best man. What I want to know is how my own brother could sneak into my girlfriend’s room and f*ck her? How could you, Brooks? You could have any girl you wanted in high school, why would you go after mine?”

I clenched my jaw to prevent from saying what would clearly end our relationship. “Does she know you found the letter?”

“You’re not going to answer me?”

“Whatever I say won’t make a difference. Yeah, I went into her room those nights, and yeah things became heated, but you have to know that she thought I was you, both times. In fact,” this was only for his benefit, and I was obviously lying through my teeth. “She doesn’t even know it happened. Branch, I never told her.”

“What?”

“You heard me. Those nights she was a mess. I only went in there because I heard her crying, and it was keeping me awake. Both times she practically begged me to be with her. When she called me by your name I didn’t correct her. This is all my fault.”

“Consider yourself uninvited to the wedding. No brother of mine would be so vindictive. Just so you know, I’m still marrying Katy. Hell, I’d marry her just so you can’t.”

“For the record, Branch, you knew all along how I felt about her. Did you really expect me to hold in my feelings forever?”

“Fuck you! We’re done.”

I wanted nothing more than to hang up on him, but knew I was in the wrong. No matter how much I loved Kat, I’d stepped over the line that was never to be crossed. “Branch, I’m sorry. You don’t know how many times I’ve wished I could take it back.”