Love Survives (Love's Suicide #2)(19)

I’d already lost so much, actually I’d given up. Was I really willing to show up just to rehash what couldn’t be changed?

By six the next morning I was awake and dressed. I got a ride to the airport and watched the driver pulling away, wondering if I should call him back and forget about the trip. What good would it bring anyone if I showed up. Sure, Kat would be angry, and probably hurt, but it was better than having her wedding ruined because I couldn’t be near my brother.

Since all of this was my fault I knew there was only one thing I could do. It was better he hear it from me first anyway. I dialed my dad’s number, hoping he wasn’t close to my mom when he answered. This was one thing I never wanted her to find out about. The thought of disappointing my mom got under my skin. It would bother me forever if she thought she hadn’t taught me right from wrong.

“Brooks, I hope you’re not calling because your flight is delayed.”

“No. The flight is fine.” I honestly hadn’t checked. I hadn’t even stepped foot in the airport yet.

“Are you calling to confirm when you’ll arrive at the hotel? Your mom gave you the address, didn’t she?”

This was going to be harder than I thought. “I have the address. I’m just not sure I should come at all.”

“What do you mean, son? Why wouldn’t you be here for Branch and Katy? You’re the best man.”

“You wouldn’t be saying that if you knew what I’ve done, dad.” I watched a woman leading her child into the airport. They were each pulling matching luggage, and it was cute seeing the little girl pretending to be grown up. It made me think about Kat and Branch having a child. I wondered if she’d have a daughter that looked just like her. Would she call me uncle, or would I be kept away from her because of what I’d done behind my brother’s back?

“Brooks, you’re not making any sense. Can we talk about this when you get here? Your mom has me running all over the place today.”

“Actually we can’t. There’s no way I can show up tonight without you hearing what I have to tell you. It’s important.”

I could tell my dad was reconsidering what he’d said. He cleared his throat before responding. “Sure. What’s going on? Are you okay?”

I scrunched up my face even though I realized he couldn’t see me. “Yeah, I’m fine. I’m just worried. I’ve been holding something in for a while now. Honestly, I hoped you’d never have to find out it happened, but since Branch knows there’s no telling what he’ll say or do.”

“This is about your brother?” He inquired.

“No. I guess, maybe indirectly. It’s more about me, and something that I did years ago…with Kat.”

“Oh. Please don’t tell me that you…Brooks, how far did it go?”

I closed my eyes. This wasn’t like writing it in a letter and mailing it off. I could hear my father’s breathing change. I knew he was going to be repulsed that I’d done something so heinous under his roof. I was a disgrace, and he’d seen it that way. “Dad, you need to know it wasn’t planned.”

“When did it happen? How did your brother find out?”

I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Kat didn’t know it was me.”

“How is that possible?”

“It was dark. She was crying. She thought I was Branch, and I didn’t tell her differently. She didn’t find out until after I’d left. Branch found a letter I’d left for her in the tree house. Look, it doesn’t even matter now. What’s important is knowing why I can’t come to that ceremony and stand up for him, not now, maybe not ever. I’m not a good brother. I’ve been in love with Kat my whole life. There’s no way I can watch her promising to love him forever, not when I’m wishing it was me instead.”

“Son, why are you telling me this? Did you call for advice because honestly, I don’t know what to say.”

“I guess I’m calling because I want you to tell me that it’s okay if I don’t come to the wedding. Say that someday you’ll forgive me. Tell me I’m not ruining the ceremony by showing my face.”

“I spoke to your brother this morning. He’s looking forward to seeing you. He picked up your tux already. Whatever happened in the past, he’s obviously either gotten over it, or he’s letting it go for the family. It would break your mother’s heart if you didn’t show up. Son, I can’t tell you how to feel, but you’ve got to suck it up, at least for the next two nights. We’re all excited about seeing you. Things have changed. They’re happy now. We’ve all made mistakes. It’s part of the learning process.”

“It’s not just that, Dad. I still care about, Kat. I still love her.”

“Brooks, you’re a grown man now. The choice is yours, but I do hope you make it for the right reason. I’ll be looking for you at the hotel, but if I don’t see you, at least know that your mom and I love you no matter what. It couldn’t have been easy being in the same room as them. I’ll never understand how she chose Branch, but that’s another story for a different time. Whatever you decide, I’ll be proud of you.”

“I appreciate that, sir.”

“We’ll be seeing you soon. I know you’ll make the right choice.”