Love Survives (Love's Suicide #2)(12)
After the talk with my father, I retreated to my room. I couldn’t stand around communicating with the family while pretending I didn’t care what the girl of my dreams was doing with my brother.
A little while later I heard someone knocking on the door before coming into my room. I was still in my swimming trunks without a shirt, and it was clear that was the first thing she noticed. “Hey, I brought you food.”
I leaned up to face her. “Thanks. I wasn’t that hungry.” She sat down beside me and put the tray to the side. “I like when you don’t hide your face.”
Kat looked away, but I could tell she was blushing. “I’m going to miss you, Brooks. Promise you’ll visit?”
I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. There was something about the moment, or perhaps it was the fact that we were completely alone in the house. “Yeah. I’ll come see you.” I didn’t know when, but I knew I couldn’t stay away forever.
“I better get back downstairs.”
I took her hand before she could get up. Her body came down against mine, and all I could see was how close her lips were. With one hand I stroked her cheek. “Don’t slap me, Kat. Please, just let me have a few seconds of this.” Then I kissed her, softly on the lips.
When she didn’t pull away or freak out, I took it upon myself to add some tongue. Far be it from me to deny her my skills. After at least a minute of full-blown making out, she pulled away and covered her mouth, as if she was ashamed.
“I’m sorry. I need to go back downstairs.”
It only took me a second to see the truth across her face. For so long I’d felt terrible for wishing for it. Now it all made sense. “Does he know you’re in love with me?”
She couldn’t look at me. “Please don’t do this, Brooks.”
I had to laugh. I’d been a fool for too long. My own conscience had prevented me from seeing what was right in front of me the whole time, and now I didn’t know what to do. “Kat, have you asked yourself how long you’re going to go on with my brother before you realize you picked the wrong guy?”
She stood and put her hands on her hips. “Don’t go there. You know I love Branch.”
I sat on my knees, staring directly into her eyes. My hands were trembling, but this was important. I couldn’t ignore it anymore. “When I’m on that bus tomorrow and you’re done waving goodbye to me, I want you to do me one favor.”
“What?” She asked in a whisper.
“I want you to think about being without Branch for a few months. Then switch it around and think about being without me. When you have your answer, you’ll know why I had to leave.”
Her tear-filled eyes allowed me to see that I’d gotten to her. “That makes no sense. You already know I’ll miss you.”
I cackled and plopped backwards on my mattress. “Kat, this ain’t even about missing me. This is about you living with a lie. It’s about my brother getting everything he wants and never considering that you were never his to have.”
Kat stood and turned her back to me. The moment was too intense. Maybe I shouldn’t have come on so strong.
“Please stop.” She said.
“Stop what? Stop feeling sorry for myself because I wasn’t man enough to fight for what I wanted?” I wanted to hear it from her lips.
Kat started pacing around my room, going in one direction, only to turn and head in another. She was waving her hands around as if she were having a private conversation with herself. “What are you talking about?”
Just then the door opened. Branch was standing there, and it was obvious he was surprised to see us in the middle of a heated discussion. “Hey, I was wondering where you two were. Mom needs us to get the grill going. Dad had to run out for the cake.”
“I’ll give you a hand, bro.” I didn’t look at Kat when I left the room, nor did I mention what we were discussing to my brother. It wouldn’t have made a difference. I had my answer even if she was too ashamed to admit it.
When I came back into my room, probably about fifteen minutes later, I found Kat sitting on my bed. She’d obviously been crying the whole time and prying through my things. In her hands was my art book, and she was flipped to a page that revealed one of my most exquisite pieces. I didn’t need to take a picture into class to copy from, and I certainly hadn’t asked her to model. I had her memorized. It was even possible that I could draw the woman with my eyes closed.
As soon as she noticed me entering the room she came at me, shoving the drawing against my chest, “How long have you been in love with me, Brooks?”
I smiled. “That question isn’t going to get answered.”
Not knowing where my brother could be, I tried to walk away from her. She grabbed me, pulling me back to be facing her. From the look in her eyes I knew it was about to get very serious, but I couldn’t have predicted what she was going to tell me. Once again she’d left me speechless. “I would have picked you, and you know it. So I need an answer. How long?”
It was gut-wrenching, hearing her truthfully coming to grips with what could have been. The burning in my eyes let me know that I couldn’t keep holding my feelings from her. I’d waited all this time, protected her, because I thought it’s what she needed. This was my chance to come clean. “I’ve loved you for as long as I could remember.”