Forever for a Year(80)

“What about our parents?” I asked.

“I don’t care about my parents.”

“Yes, you do.”

“No, I don’t,” he said, and I could tell he meant it.

“My parents would never let me.”

“Why should our parents be able to tell us what to do?” he asked.

“Because they’re our parents.” I felt like such a kid saying that, but it was true even if Trevor’s answer sounded cooler.

“Just because they made us doesn’t mean they know what’s best any more than we do.”

“We can’t, Trevor. Someday. But we can’t. Why don’t we go to your house?”

“No. How about we go to a hotel but don’t spend the night?”

“But that’s so much money.”

“I don’t care. I have my parents’ credit card.”

“They’ll get mad.”

“I don’t care,” he said. Gosh, he was different. It was so intense, but sexy. Yeah, sexy. Maybe I knew what sexy meant now.

“Okay,” I said.

*

So we went to a Best Western, but they wouldn’t rent to us because we weren’t old enough. So we went to this local motel by the Home Depot. Trevor paid cash so they didn’t ask for his ID. We went into the hotel, which smelled like the oxygen had died and rotted, and we both went to the bathroom, got naked, and got into bed. It was the first time we had been naked in a bed.

“You’re my soul mate, Trevor,” I said just before we had sex again.

“You’re my everything,” he said.

I forgot to tell him to pull out.





70

Trevor gives a gift card

I will never feel closer to Carolina or anyone than I felt with her in the motel Saturday night. Never. You can tell me I don’t know what I’m talking about. But you don’t know and I do. My whole existence will never live up to that moment. It’s crappy to know that, but I still know it.

My dad got home Sunday. I didn’t tell him about my mom’s affair. What the hell could I say? He was clueless. I think he liked being clueless. But him being home made it possible for me to be in the house without wanting to kill my mom. It’s like I knew she was someone else’s problem again.

*

Finals sucked. I’m sure I failed every class. Carolina was stressed out. She said she didn’t study nearly as much as she planned. I felt bad but she’s so smart I was sure she’d get straight As.

I had three dozen roses—pink, white, and red—sent to Carolina’s house Wednesday morning for her birthday. Maybe that was too much, but it didn’t feel like enough so then I left a voice mail where I sang “Happy Birthday” when I knew her phone would be off. I also told her I’d have a special present that weekend. I didn’t know what it would be, but it gave me a few more days to think of something.

*

All I wanted was to be with Carolina, so I didn’t care about basketball but I couldn’t quit. I should have quit. But I didn’t. I had to play a tournament all night Friday after finals and all day Saturday and all I could think about was Carolina and having sex again.

That Saturday night, she came over and my parents were in the living room, which was torture. Carolina talked to them and I wanted to throw my mom outside into the snow and lock the door but I just went into the basement and let Carolina listen to their bullshit.

We had sex right away, with a condom since I had stuffed them under the couch cushion. Carolina kept saying, “This feels good,” which was good, I think, but maybe that meant it didn’t feel that good before. It doesn’t matter. It felt good now. It turned me on her saying that and I came.

After that, I gave her a gift card to Banana Republic as her last birthday present. I didn’t even know if she shopped there, but it was next to the Apple Store at the mall so I knew where it was. I probably should have drawn her something again. She liked that gift so much. I’ll do it for Valentine’s Day.

I wanted to have sex again later, but she was tired so we just cuddled and fell asleep. My dad woke us up at midnight by pounding on the basement door. I wish Carolina and I lived together and didn’t have to be apart ever.

*

The second semester started, and it wasn’t until I was walking to health class that I realized I didn’t have health class anymore, I had Architectural Design as the elective now. And then when I walked into the new class, I realized Carolina wasn’t there. She had another elective. We never even discussed it. Strange, right? We wouldn’t finish the school day together anymore.





71

Carolina texts the unknown

When I woke up on my birthday, there was a text waiting for me:





ALEXANDER TAYLOR


happy birthday, freshman

Alexander Taylor. He had never sent a text after I told him not to. Until this one. I didn’t know if I liked that he stopped or didn’t like that he stopped. I almost texted him back “thanks” or something else, but then the doorbell rang and it was flowers from Trevor. I hate to say this—hate it!—but I was more excited about the text from Alexander than the million flowers from Trevor. It’s not Trevor’s fault. I expected the flowers. But the text was a surprise. It’s nice to not know something’s going to happen before it happens.