Forever for a Year(76)
“It’s okay,” I said. Didn’t want to think about this anymore.
“That must have been so hard. I’m glad you told me.”
“Lily told you.”
“I’m glad you were going to tell me. I don’t want us to hide anything from each other,” Carolina said. I didn’t like her saying that. Because that meant she would have to tell me about those texts, and I didn’t want to know. But now that she said we shouldn’t hide anything, I did want to know. I wanted to know she wouldn’t hide anything if she said she wouldn’t. If we had this pact, you know, that we would hide things, that would be fine. But that’s not what she said. She said we shouldn’t hide anything! And now she wasn’t telling me about her goddamn texts!
And then she started crying. Like girl crying. Sobbing. You know, snot and spit and I didn’t know what the hell to do.
“I just texted him! He texted me first. And I never said anything bad, I don’t think! I told him I had a boyfriend! But I lied to you and said it was Kendra! I lied! I lied!”
“On New Year’s—” My whole brain went so dark so fast I thought I would pass out. Like all the blood stopped flowing in my body. Lava could come out of my ears and melt the whole f*cking kitchen floor.
“Yes! I’m sorry! You were looking at that girl Jamie’s boobs!”
“I was only swimming with her because you weren’t with me!”
“He texted me! I was just answering!”
“YOU LIED!”
“I KNOW! BUT I ONLY LIED BECAUSE I DIDN’T WANT YOU TO KNOW!”
“THAT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE!”
“I know! I know! I just lied because I love you so much and I don’t know why I texted him back!”
“Who is he?” I stopped yelling. Well, at least I stopped yelling as loud as I could.
“His name is Alexander and he’s a junior on the stupid swim team and he’s creepy and he keeps contacting me.”
“Tell him to stop!”
“I will!”
“Tell him right now!”
“Okay! Okay!”
61
Carolina …
I took out my phone and I found Alexander’s number and I started a text and … I almost didn’t want to do it, you know, just in case … but in case of what? Trevor and I would never break up! I was going to marry him and we would be happy and the only reason we wouldn’t be happy is if I lied to him so I texted Alexander:
ME
I love my boyfriend so, so, so much
so please don’t text me anymore
And then I showed it to Trevor and then I pressed send and then I turned off my phone because I didn’t want to see Alexander’s response in case I liked it.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” I said, and I was still crying, but now I was kissing Trevor and he started kissing me back and we grabbed at each other and it was very aggressive and so intense and I wanted to just keep grabbing each other and I wanted to eat him and I wanted him to tear off my clothes, except not really, but you know, keep being so passionate and then I reached into his pants and he moaned and I loved to make him moan and then I remembered Lily was here, somewhere, so I stopped and said, “Lily…” We pulled away and then heard footsteps run away from the kitchen door. Oh my gosh, if she saw any of that I would die. So Trevor ran after her and I waited in the kitchen and I almost turned on my phone to see Alexander’s response but instead I decided two things: one, I would never do anything to hurt Trevor ever again, and two, we should have sex that night.
62
Trevor …
“Lily!” I called out as I ran after her through the house. “Get back here!”
“Are you guys fighting?” she yelled from some hiding spot. I followed her voice.
“Not anymore.”
“Are you guys having sex?”
“NO!” I said but … I wanted to. I wanted to be that close. I wanted Carolina to be my first and for me to be her first and for us to do it before anything could ever stop that from happening.
Lily popped out from the storage door under the stairs. “I don’t think you should have sex until you are married,” she said.
“Okay.”
“I don’t think you should fight ever.”
“Okay.”
“I’m hungry.”
“Me too,” I said, but I wasn’t. I didn’t want to do anything but kiss Carolina and be naked and get so close that no one and nothing could ever come between us.
63
Carolina …
After we ate dinner in the family room, Trevor and I cuddled under a blanket on the couch while Lily lay on the floor four feet from the television. While Lily watched TV, Trevor and I moved our hands under the blankets all over our bodies. Onto our bare skin. He even put his fingers inside me and I felt like we were being so wrong because Lily was right there but it also felt better than it ever had.
After the movie was over, Trevor made Lily go to bed even though it was early. She complained but not much. I didn’t get up from the couch because my pants were undone but Lily hugged me and then Trevor walked her upstairs to her room.