Forever for a Year(75)

“But Trevor can drive me home with his mom or dad.”

“Isn’t his dad out of town?” my dad asked.

“Why would you know that? I don’t know that. Gosh, Dad. Trevor will drive me, okay?” He was freaking me out!

“Okay. Text me if you need me. Just in case.” Then I got out and he left.

*

I rang the Santoses’ doorbell, and Lily answered. She gave me the biggest hug ever. Oh my … did she know Trevor was going to dump me? She took me by the hand and led me to the kitchen. Trevor wasn’t there, but his mom was unpacking takeout Chinese food.

“Hi, Carolina, you look nice,” she said. Mrs. Santos was dressed in a short skirt too. She wore lots of makeup, but it looked amazing. She was so sexy. So much sexier than I was. I was such a little girl. I thought I was so mature, but I could never be mature when there were adults like Trevor’s mom.

“Hi, Mrs. Santos, thanks, but you look so, so, so nice,” I said.

“Very kind of you to say. Trevor’s dad is out of town all weekend, so my friend Katie is taking me downtown for dinner.”

“That sounds like fun.”

“Why don’t we all go downtown, Mom!” Lily jumped up and down at the idea.

“Not tonight, Lily,” Mrs. Santos said, then yelled, “TREVOR! Get down here! I’m leaving.” Footsteps slowly moved upstairs, then down the stairs, and then my heart froze and then the kitchen door swung open and there was Trevor. He always looked the most handsome when I feared he didn’t love me anymore. Was this the last night we would be boyfriend and girlfriend? Before I could say anything, Mrs. Santos said, “Call if you need anything. I’m leaving some extra money if this isn’t enough food.” There were, like, ten boxes of Chinese food for just the three of us. Then Mrs. Santos waved good-bye and left through the garage.

“Your mom looks so pretty,” I said.

Trevor ignored me as he got out plates.

“Trevor!” Lily said. “Carolina said something.”

“I heard her.”

“Are you two fighting? Please tell me you aren’t fighting!”

Trevor went silent again so I said, “I don’t … I don’t know if we’re fighting, Lily.”

“Trevor’s been sad all week.”

“Lily!” Trevor yelled. “None of your business.”

“I’m your sister and you’re sad and that makes me sad and Carolina can make you happy so stop being so mean to me!” Lily cried out. It was the most seven-year-old thing I had ever heard Lily say. Then nobody said anything for so long.

I decided to be super brave even though it was super scary and I asked, “Why … are you sad?” Then I waited. Waited for Trevor to tell me he knew about Alexander Taylor. Waited for him to tell me we were breaking up. That he hated me.

“I’m not…” Trevor started.

Lily cried out again, “You are, Trevor! You are! You have been just like Mom used to be!”

“Your mom gets sad?” I asked.

“Our mom—” Lily began.

“Lily! Don’t!” Trevor yelled as he ran toward Lily to grab her.

Lily screamed really fast, “Our mom hurt herself and almost died!”

“GODDAMN IT, LILY!” Trevor yelled. So loud. So mean. So scary. It was like he was a different person. Like there was a mean boy in him this whole time and I had never seen it. Lily ran out of the kitchen. Trevor wouldn’t look at me. He just stared at the ground and kept his eyes closed, like he could make it all go away if he didn’t see anything. Maybe it wasn’t a mean boy inside. Maybe it was a scared boy. Yes, a scared little boy. And this is going to sound so, so, so, so horrible, but I was happy. Happy that Trevor was scared because that meant he wasn’t mad at me, right? If he was scared, he needed me. Oh my gosh, Trevor needed me. That’s what love is. Your boyfriend needing you, and you being there for him when he needs you.

I walked over to Trevor and wrapped my arms around him and squeezed until he hugged me back, which made me feel like the best girlfriend ever and not the worst.





60

Trevor …

When Carolina hugged me, I started crying. Not crying, crying. I’m not a girl. But, you know, tears in the corners of my eyes. I didn’t even know what it was about. About my mom? Maybe. Or maybe about Carolina lying about those texts. I thought I might be losing her, and now she was hugging me like she loved me more than ever and would take care of me always. After I teared up for a minute, my penis got hard. Carolina was hugging me so tight! I never thought you could cry and get an erection at the same time. Life is so complicated.

“Is that what you wanted to tell me? About your mom?” Carolina asked. No, it wasn’t, of course. I had thought all day about what I would tell her because I didn’t have anything I wanted to tell her. I just wanted her to think I had something.

So I said, “Yeah.”

“She tried…”

“To kill herself. Yeah. A bunch of pills. It’s been two years. It’s kind of why we moved away from California.”

“I’m so sorry, Trevor.” And she kissed my neck and dug her hands into my back. I was so turned on. I wanted to go to the basement right now. But we had to eat dinner and I had to make sure Lily wasn’t mad at me.