Forever for a Year(84)

And behind her was Midnight Dog.

Carolina’s dad.

His longish hair and casual clothes didn’t look cool anymore. They just made him look like he didn’t know how to act his age.

I looked toward Carolina. Her brain couldn’t or wouldn’t put together how my mom and her dad could be standing together on Michigan Avenue when Ashley Santos was supposed to be in Indianapolis with her friend Paula and Scott Fisher was supposed to be at Northern Illinois University working on a grant all weekend.

She said, “Dad?” And that’s all she had time for before I picked up Lily, grabbed Carolina by the hand, and started speed walking away from our two lying, cheating, destroying parents as fast as possible.





75

Carolina takes a shower

I didn’t fight Trevor as he pulled me away from my dad and his mom. I didn’t know why I didn’t fight or why I should fight, but then, as we got in the cab, I realized. My dad was cheating again. Not just cheating. Cheating with Trevor’s mom.

I threw up. It was white. Chunky. I think it was some roasted peanuts we had gotten on the street. I didn’t know. Maybe egg salad. But I didn’t remember eating egg salad. Lily asked if I was okay, but I don’t think I said yes or no. I looked down. I could see throw-up on my clothes. In my lap. Trevor was using our new Gap sweaters to wipe it up. The taxi driver was yelling at us. Trevor yelled back at him. The cab pulled over and ordered us out. We got out.

I said, “Trevor?”

He said, “Let’s just get home. Okay?”

I nodded. He was so calm. How was he so calm? Trevor finished wiping the throw-up off of me, threw the new sweaters away in a garbage can, and got us into a second cab. Trevor said to the driver, “Can you drive us to Riverbend?”

“It will be, like, eighty dollars,” the driver said.

“I have a credit card,” Trevor said.

“Okay,” the driver said, and then we drove. We got on the Kennedy Expressway and just drove. For so long. Lily kept asking why my dad was with their mom in Chicago, and Trevor kept saying they became friends because of us. Trevor was trying to lie to Lily to protect her. But it was also the truth, right? Because of us my parents’ marriage would probably end for real this time. I thought my falling in love with Trevor was saving my mom and dad but really, because of us, I’d just made it a million times worse.

We went directly to their house, leaving Trevor’s dad’s car at the train station. We went inside. I smelled so gross. I almost threw up again just smelling myself.

“She isn’t talking,” Lily said about me.

“She’s sick.”

“Should we go to the hospital?”

“She needs to rest.”

“She can rest in my room,” Lily said.

“I’ll have her rest in my room,” Trevor said.

“But you’re a boy,” she said back, her eyes holding steady on us. How much did she not understand and how much did she pretend not to understand?

“We’re in love, so it’s okay. Okay, Lily?”

“Okay, Trevor. I think I’ll rest too.”

“Okay, Lily.”

*

Trevor led me to his room, locked the door behind us, and started taking off my clothes. I thought he wanted to have sex, which felt like the grossest thing I could ever imagine right now, so I twisted hard away from him and said, “No…”

“A shower, Carolina. You should take a shower.”

I stopped fighting and let him undress me. He led me to his bathroom, turned on the shower, and let me step inside. A few seconds later, he was under the water next to me, naked. He kissed me. Not a sex kiss. But a nice kiss. I could see in his eyes he just wanted to take care of me. Just make sure I was okay. Trevor was the kindest person in history. I don’t think my parents have ever taken a shower together, but we were. Because our love was real. Unlike theirs.

After the shower, he wrapped me in a huge towel. Now I was shivering. I couldn’t stop. He led me to his bed, pulled back the covers, let me lie down even though I was still dripping water and the wet towel was still wrapped around me. Then he pulled the covers over me. I fell asleep within, like, two seconds.

When I woke up, Trevor was taking the towel off of me. “I don’t want to have sex,” I said.

“I know. But you should put some clothes on so you don’t get sick.” Then he put a T-shirt over my head and slid his boy boxers up to my waist. I loved Trevor more right now than ever. He was right. Adults are no smarter than we are. They’re worse. Because they pretend they can tell us stuff. Like all those things my dad said to me, all those things I thought were so smart about love and my brother and life. It was all a lie. He was just a big fake who liked to talk. I’m never going to talk to him again. I’m not. I have Trevor. I don’t need my dad anymore. That’s what I was thinking when I fell asleep a second time.

*

When I woke up again, I could hear talking downstairs. It was still dark outside, but an early morning dark. I looked at my phone. It said 4:17 a.m. Trevor was getting dressed by the door to his bedroom.

“Who is that?” I asked.

“Stay here,” he said, then left. But I got up and followed him downstairs. In the front foyer, my dad was standing by the door. Trevor’s mom was standing by the living room couch. They looked like strangers. Like he was just my dad, picking me up, and she was just Trevor’s mom, meeting him for the first time.